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Old February 9th, 2009, 07:08 AM   #111
motte
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A Blonde Goes On Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend.

The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?"

Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!"

Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest?

Is it........

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush

Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars."

"I think I know who it..but I'm not 100%...

No, I haven't got a clue. I'd like to phone a friend Regis, just to be sure.

Regis: "Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?

Barbara: "I'll phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham."

(ringing)

Maggie (also a blonde): "Hello..."

Regis: "Hello Maggie, its Regis here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to be a Million.

The next voice you hear will be Barbara's and she'll read you the question.

There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer -- fire away Barbara."

Barbara: "Maggie, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it:

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush"

Maggie: "Oh Gees, Barbara that's simple.....It's a Cuckoo."

Barbara: "You think?"

Maggie: "I'm sure."

Barbara: " Thanks Maggie." (hangs up)

Regis: "Well, do you want to stick on $500,000 or play on for the Million, Barbara?"

Barbara: "I want to play, I'll go with C-Cuckoo"

Regis: "Is that your final answer?"

Barbara: "It is."

Regis: "Are you confident?"

Barbara: "Yes fairly, Maggie's a sound bet."

Regis: "Barbara.....you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo ...you're right! - You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS.

Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara."

(clapping)

That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks "Tell me Maggie, How in God's name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?

Maggie: "Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock."
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Old February 9th, 2009, 07:09 AM   #112
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A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
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Old February 9th, 2009, 07:09 AM   #113
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An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
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Old February 10th, 2009, 05:30 AM   #114
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Default Physics

Two atoms are sitting in a bar. One says to the other,
"I think I've lost an electron." The other asks "Are you sure?"
to which the first replies "I'm positive."


A neutron walks into a bar. "How much for a drink?"
To which the bartender responds, "For you, no charge."
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Old February 10th, 2009, 10:16 AM   #115
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trip View Post
Two atoms are sitting in a bar. One says to the other,
"I think I've lost an electron." The other asks "Are you sure?"
to which the first replies "I'm positive."


A neutron walks into a bar. "How much for a drink?"
To which the bartender responds, "For you, no charge."
A proton walks into a bar and starts telling the bartender his problems to which the bartender replies " You are too negative "
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Old February 11th, 2009, 02:07 AM   #116
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Estreeter View Post
A proton walks into a bar and starts telling the bartender his problems to which the bartender replies " You are too negative "

Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
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Old February 11th, 2009, 02:12 AM   #117
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trip View Post
Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
well, i guess i'm a photon
thanks trip
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Old February 11th, 2009, 03:08 AM   #118
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Originally Posted by Estreeter View Post
well, i guess i'm a photon
thanks trip
No offense to Catholicism, I don't mean to be a clown........




Two cannibals are eating a clown, one turns to the other and says


"Does this taste funny to you?"
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Old February 11th, 2009, 03:23 AM   #119
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trip View Post
No offense to Catholicism, I don't mean to be a clown........




Two cannibals are eating a clown, one turns to the other and says


"Does this taste funny to you?"
I know it's a corny joke thread, but that is actually funny, for me anyway.

ps, 2 clowns were eating a cannibal..............payback
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Old February 11th, 2009, 03:46 AM   #120
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Estreeter View Post
I know it's a corny joke thread, but that is actually funny, for me anyway.
Somehow, I knew you were going to say that..........






I was going to the clairvoyance meeting,
but it was canceled due to unforeseen events.
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