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Old August 25th, 2015, 07:54 PM   #10011
retroanalyst
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I wanted to request installing a suggestion box at work, but I had no way of doing it.
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Old August 25th, 2015, 11:11 PM   #10012
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No comment except for the picture itself.

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Old August 25th, 2015, 11:48 PM   #10013
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IMHO they should end acronyms, ASAP.
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Old August 26th, 2015, 02:14 AM   #10014
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What did the ear of corn say to Mr. Frank
We can be corny dawg

What did the first street say to the second street
I`ll meet you at the intersection

Why was the sand wet
Because the sea-weed
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Old August 26th, 2015, 07:52 AM   #10015
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I have deleted all my German friends from my mobile phone......It's now Hans free..........
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Old August 26th, 2015, 10:36 AM   #10016
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WURZ View Post
I have deleted all my German friends from my mobile phone......It's now Hans free..........
Nice. The winner at this year's Edinburgh Fringe. You beat me to it.

No. 2: "Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse ... but enough about Kanye West" - Stewart Francis
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Old August 26th, 2015, 02:13 PM   #10017
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Q. What do you call kids born in whorehouses?
A. Brothel sprouts.

Q. Why is being in the military like a blow job?
A. The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

Q. Who’s the world’s greatest athlete?
A. The guy who finishes first and third in a masturbation contest.
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Old August 26th, 2015, 07:46 PM   #10018
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A couple in a small town in the outback took in an 18-year-old female backpacker as a lodger.
She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath, although if she wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.
"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts in the pub," she said.
The girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday.
After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched the girl get undressed.
She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair.
She mentioned this to her husband when he came home.
He didn't believe her, so she said: "Next Monday, when you go to darts, leave a little early and wait in the back yard.
I'll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for yourself."
So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked: "Do you shave?" "No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hair down there. Do you have hair?"
"Oh, yes," said the woman, and she pulled up her nightdress and showed the girl that she was really generously endowed in the hair department.
The girl finished her bath and went to bed.
Later that night, when the husband came in, the wife asked him,
"Did you see it?" "Yes," he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours."
"Why ever are you worried about that?" she said. "You've seen it often enough before."
"I know," he said.... "but the bleeding darts team hadn't!
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Old August 26th, 2015, 08:21 PM   #10019
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John goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this great big huge guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 lbs, 20 inch penis, testicles 3 lbs each, Turner Brown". John just faints dead away and falls to the floor. The big dude kneels down and brings him to, by slapping his face and shaking him. He asks, "Are you Ok?" In a very weak voice John says, "Excuse me, but what did you just say to me?" The big dude says, "When I saw the curious look on your face, I just figured I'd give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. "I'm 7 feet tall, weigh 350 lbs, have a 20 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 lbs each, and my name is Turner Brown." John said, "Oh Thank God! I thought you said 'Turn Around'"
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Old August 26th, 2015, 08:33 PM   #10020
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A city banker has just lost billions, the bank is just about to fold, thousands of people will be laid off and the country could be plunged into a recession, all because of him. He's sitting at his desk on the 37th floor and he decides there is nothing else for it. He opens the window, looks down at the pavement below and is just about to jump when a voice shouts, "Stop!" He looks around to see the oldest, dirtiest woman he's ever seen standing in the doorway.
"I am your fairy godmother, and I can get you out of this mess on one condition."
"Go on," he says.
I can put all the money back in the bank, I can undo all that has gone wrong, but there is one thing you must do first."
"Okay" says the banker, thinking he'd do anything. "What do I have to do?"
"I'll wave my magic wand and right all your wrongs," she says, "but first you have to make love to me."
And, with that, the dirty hag rips off all her clothes. Her tits reach her belly, her belly reaches past her fanny, her skanky skinny butt hangs over her thighs, which sag over her knees. Her skin is grey from dirt and there is a disgusting smell coming from somewhere. The banker starts to heave, but thinks, "Oh well, if it'll get me out of trouble?" so he pushes her back over his desk. She opens her legs and he discovers where the smell is coming from. Her fanny hair is matted with filth, her fanny itself is covered in scabs and the whole thing smells like a fish market. "This is not going to be easy," thinks the banker, but he closes his eyes and remembers his lovely wife. Then he thinks about his secretary, the kids' teachers, the receptionist, and after a while he is able to close his eyes, gets used to the smell, and gets wood. He mounts up and starts banging the dirty old wrinkly fairy for all he's worth
Looking down, he sees the old woman staring up at him with a half smile on her face. "What?" he asks her.
"Oh nothing," she says. "It's just, I was just thinking, aren't you a bit old to believe in fairies? I'm the cleaner."
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