What's the Kinkiest/Most Perverted Thing You Ever Did?

**USBPepsi** · September 11th, 2010, 09:41 AM

What a question... I feel like a pervert even asking it!

The reason I bring it up, though, was the other day I was browsing through the "what's your fetish" thread, and I had this sudden burst of memory. The thing is, what I was remembering wasn't really a fetish, at least not by my definition. It was just a weird little perversion that I momentarily went through when I was about 22 years old. There are things, you see, that you'll do when you're 22 that you most definitely won't do when you're over 40.

A lot of my stories take place when I was around 22; that's a VERY busy age for sexual matters, or as some may say, "an age when you get very busy". When you're 22, getting busy, with anything that moves, or maybe stands still too long, is mainly what you have on your mind (yeah, mind, sure).

But I digress. As I say, this little perversion I'm about to discuss was just a little phase I went through. Not only am I no longer into it, but I honestly forgot about it entirely for quite a while. When you're in a Vintage Erotica forum, though, memories do start flooding in...

It was like this. I was just home from college, where my sexual conquests had been less than inspiring (see "best BJ" thread for more on that whole debacle). I hadn't discovered yet my knack with older women, which once rolling would take me almost up to my 30s. I was in the same crappy old small town I had grown up in. To say the least, it was a lonely time.

Like most lonely 22-year-old guys, I rented a lot of porn. Unlike most guys my age, though, I had four high-end VCRs, a nice camcorder, and a couple primitive Videonics home video editing decks. The possibilities were endless... No, they weren't. I don't care how horny you are, even if you have a new camcorder, you can only whack it on camera so many times before you start to get bored. Frankly, I didn't make a good audience for myself. I knew myself pretty well, and didn't find myself all that interesting.

So what to do? The next step wasn't at all logical, but to my eager, young and perverted mind it had a certain twisted brilliance to it. Just what was it that I did? Well, I'll get to that soon.

There were three video rental places in my tiny home town back then (ah, the 80s). I chose the sleaziest of the three, mainly because unlike the others it was also... geez, an electronics parts store, a lawn mower dealership, and I forget what all else. In other words, it was a crappy little place that had a huge back room full of videos (and another full of adult video), but the owners didn't really pay any attention to that end of the business. Because of that, I figured they wouldn't notice any... irregularities in their stock.

I chose my material carefully. It couldn't be too old; it had to be a tape made in the 80s. It also had to be shot-on-video. I had to be able to match the image quality, and in those early days of video porn, "professional" stuff shot on a camcorder didn't look much better than something you could do at home. Hell, some of it looked worse, since every idiot and his brother was getting into the porn business. Oh, and this was vital, the tape also had to have an actual label on it for the title. It couldn't have the title stamped directly onto it. I had to be able to move that label, and a couple hours in the freezer could loosen one of those cheapies right up.

Once I had my plans made, I went to work. I would rent a movie for five or seven days, so I had plenty of time to get it right. First I'd watch the video. Sometimes, maybe one out of twenty times, it had the "special something" suited for what I had in mind. I was always looking for something very specific...

Bam! There it was! At the end of a sex scene, a closeup of a guy's, um, equipment while he climaxed. Very close. Like, so close that the woman he was with was completely out of frame. Or, at least, so close that if it did switch to that kind of shot, it wouldn't seem at all odd. That was exactly what I needed.

And then I'd go in the bedroom, set up the camcorder, zoom in, and record... well, "replacement footage". Hey, I was young. I was pretty pleased with my general performance. Why not share it with the community?

I'd run off a high-speed copy of the tape, and when it got to the appropriate moment I would replace the original cumshot with a closeup of my own not-too-bad Johnson. Then I'd have the tape resume at exactly the right place, all done with seamless edits (the trick in VHS equipment back then was something called "flying erase heads"; they made for nice invisible edits).

Did I think anyone would be fooled by my would-be stunt cock? Well, sometimes, yeah. I deliberately didn't try to replace just any shot. If the guy was hung like a horse, I wouldn't try to slip mine in place. I mean, mine wasn't bad, but come on... But in many cases, I was just taking one average-looking penis out and replacing it with my own. I didn't have any problem at all doing an impressive squirt shot, and after all, it was just for a few seconds of tape. I doubt if anyone was really examining the footage very carefully.

The last step, of course, was to transfer the loose label to the new tape. I made sure it wasn't going to start peeling up, with a nice thin layer of Super Glue. It had to be thin, because I didn't want any telltale wet spots showing through the label. Then I'd return the tape to the store, and stroll out whistling innocently.

It was stupid and immature. It was also, I must say, kind of fun. It was a victimless crime. I did it, maybe 15 times, over about a year-and-a-half. It wasn't an everyday thing. Just now and then, when I was feeling mischievous. I even got a little creative a few times. If, for example, I noticed that the guy's hoo hah was in front of a light blue wall, then I'd buy a big sheet of light blue construction paper to use as my own backdrop. Once I even hung a cheap oriental rug on the wall to match what was seen in the distance. A little out-of-focus, it doubled nicely. Besides, I'd hate to think that people were watching the rug more closely than they were my little guy... The important thing is, no one could tell. Even if they noticed that my part didn't match the other guy's, (after all, they're like fingerprints; no two look alike) they probably assumed that another performer doubled him because of, ahem, "performance issues".

I often wonder how many people rented the tapes and watched my performance climaxing instead of the original performer's. No way to tell. All I know is that no one ever caught on, because I didn't get tossed in jail or even have my membership at the video place revoked. No one ever said a word. A perfect crime, if you'd even call it a crime. It was definitely perverted, though.

A few years later, I had moved to the big city, and then back. The little store was no longer renting tapes. I told the guy at the counter that I wished I could have bought some of his tapes (I'm sure he thought I meant regular movies) when he stopped carrying them. He said he hadn't even bothered having a clearance sale. He just sold them off to a company that distributed to other small video stores.

I wonder how far and wide my "alternate footage" ended up going? Talk about spreading your seed...

To tell the truth, I don't know what, exactly, you'd call my old perversion. I guess you could say I was an exhibitionist. Certainly not in the traditional sense, though. I didn't want anyone to ever know I was doing anything. I just got off on the idea of strangers seeing me and not knowing it was me. Either way, admittedly very weird, quite perverted. A different me, a long time ago. I hardly know the guy when I look back at him.

***

So, what's the kinkiest/most perverted thing you've ever done? That you want to admit, at least. That's the beauty of screen names. Your confessions never leave this forum.

Big Boobies · September 11th, 2010, 10:29 PM

I was wondering why all my videos cut to some guy beating off in his bedroom.. damn you!!! lol

**USBPepsi** · September 12th, 2010, 04:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Big Boobies

I was wondering why all my videos cut to some guy beating off in his bedroom.. damn you!!! lol

Damn, you just made me spit out my Coke...

**billybunter** · September 12th, 2010, 10:07 AM

I could never reveal such a thing/s

granpa · September 12th, 2010, 03:15 PM

Nice story

The wierdest, and most discusting things I have done. Was to jerk off and cum on a tooth-brush. ...Owned and used by my friends hot mom. I must have been 16

**USBPepsi** · September 12th, 2010, 10:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by granpa

Nice story

The wierdest, and most discusting things I have done. Was to jerk off and cum on a tooth-brush. ...Owned and used by my friends hot mom. I must have been 16

"Hon, did you recently switch to Extra Whitening?"

Actually, it isn't that uncommon for young guys to do such things. The thrill of secret contact with an object owned by someone who they can't have... I once went to see a psychologist every now and then, and his view was that any sexual outlet, if it doesn't cause harm to yourself or others (and by harm getting into trouble with the law is included), is by definition a good thing.

In Peter Straub's novel Ghost Story a character relates a tale from his youth in which he was asked to watch over either a pretty neighbor woman's house or her baby (I forget which; it's been years since I read the book). The boy snuck around the lady's bedroom, and ended up secretly rubbing himself on a pair of her panties. Becoming overexcited, he ejaculated all over them. Unable to cover such an indiscretion, he had to steal the panties and throw them away, which caused suspicion that prevented him from ever being invited into the lady's house again.

**monogroover** · September 14th, 2010, 04:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by polartrade

Actually, it isn't that uncommon for young guys to do such things. The thrill of secret contact with an object owned by someone who they can't have...

I have a friend, a pretty woman in her mid-forties at the time, who confided in me that she walked into her bathroom and found her son's 18 yr-old friend sniffing a pair of her panties (she kept the laundry basket in there).

The lad was incredibly embarrassed as you might imagine, and after turning a bright shade of red blurted out that he'd been desperately sexually frustrated since splitting up with his girlfriend a couple of months earlier. She locked the door, hitched her jeans down to her knees to show him her bush and pulled him off there and then, while her son was in their garage looking for a part for his HiFi.

She said it took him about 60 seconds to ejaculate and she had to clean splash marks off the ceiling!

**tabler** · September 18th, 2010, 09:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by granpa

Nice story

The wierdest, and most discusting things I have done. Was to jerk off and cum on a tooth-brush. ...Owned and used by my friends hot mom. I must have been 16

I take it you didnt get a lot of invitations to peoples homes then?

**Manny Fagnett** · September 22nd, 2010, 10:41 PM

My wife. Two fingers. A condom. My bottom. You want more?

Estreeter · September 23rd, 2010, 03:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Manny Fagnett

My wife. Two fingers. A condom. My bottom. You want more?

Not really,
It's obvious you were sewing a button onto a condom.
I like that, avoids any spillages

September 11th, 2010, 09:41 AM	#1
USBPepsi Vintage Member Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: USA Posts: 2,435 Thanks: 62,015 Thanked 27,438 Times in 2,401 Posts	What's the Kinkiest/Most Perverted Thing You Ever Did? What a question... I feel like a pervert even asking it! The reason I bring it up, though, was the other day I was browsing through the "what's your fetish" thread, and I had this sudden burst of memory. The thing is, what I was remembering wasn't really a fetish, at least not by my definition. It was just a weird little perversion that I momentarily went through when I was about 22 years old. There are things, you see, that you'll do when you're 22 that you most definitely won't do when you're over 40. A lot of my stories take place when I was around 22; that's a VERY busy age for sexual matters, or as some may say, "an age when you get very busy". When you're 22, getting busy, with anything that moves, or maybe stands still too long, is mainly what you have on your mind (yeah, mind, sure). But I digress. As I say, this little perversion I'm about to discuss was just a little phase I went through. Not only am I no longer into it, but I honestly forgot about it entirely for quite a while. When you're in a Vintage Erotica forum, though, memories do start flooding in... It was like this. I was just home from college, where my sexual conquests had been less than inspiring (see "best BJ" thread for more on that whole debacle). I hadn't discovered yet my knack with older women, which once rolling would take me almost up to my 30s. I was in the same crappy old small town I had grown up in. To say the least, it was a lonely time. Like most lonely 22-year-old guys, I rented a lot of porn. Unlike most guys my age, though, I had four high-end VCRs, a nice camcorder, and a couple primitive Videonics home video editing decks. The possibilities were endless... No, they weren't. I don't care how horny you are, even if you have a new camcorder, you can only whack it on camera so many times before you start to get bored. Frankly, I didn't make a good audience for myself. I knew myself pretty well, and didn't find myself all that interesting. So what to do? The next step wasn't at all logical, but to my eager, young and perverted mind it had a certain twisted brilliance to it. Just what was it that I did? Well, I'll get to that soon. There were three video rental places in my tiny home town back then (ah, the 80s). I chose the sleaziest of the three, mainly because unlike the others it was also... geez, an electronics parts store, a lawn mower dealership, and I forget what all else. In other words, it was a crappy little place that had a huge back room full of videos (and another full of adult video), but the owners didn't really pay any attention to that end of the business. Because of that, I figured they wouldn't notice any... irregularities in their stock. I chose my material carefully. It couldn't be too old; it had to be a tape made in the 80s. It also had to be shot-on-video. I had to be able to match the image quality, and in those early days of video porn, "professional" stuff shot on a camcorder didn't look much better than something you could do at home. Hell, some of it looked worse, since every idiot and his brother was getting into the porn business. Oh, and this was vital, the tape also had to have an actual label on it for the title. It couldn't have the title stamped directly onto it. I had to be able to move that label, and a couple hours in the freezer could loosen one of those cheapies right up. Once I had my plans made, I went to work. I would rent a movie for five or seven days, so I had plenty of time to get it right. First I'd watch the video. Sometimes, maybe one out of twenty times, it had the "special something" suited for what I had in mind. I was always looking for something very specific... Bam! There it was! At the end of a sex scene, a closeup of a guy's, um, equipment while he climaxed. Very close. Like, so close that the woman he was with was completely out of frame. Or, at least, so close that if it did switch to that kind of shot, it wouldn't seem at all odd. That was exactly what I needed. And then I'd go in the bedroom, set up the camcorder, zoom in, and record... well, "replacement footage". Hey, I was young. I was pretty pleased with my general performance. Why not share it with the community? I'd run off a high-speed copy of the tape, and when it got to the appropriate moment I would replace the original cumshot with a closeup of my own not-too-bad Johnson. Then I'd have the tape resume at exactly the right place, all done with seamless edits (the trick in VHS equipment back then was something called "flying erase heads"; they made for nice invisible edits). Did I think anyone would be fooled by my would-be stunt cock? Well, sometimes, yeah. I deliberately didn't try to replace just any shot. If the guy was hung like a horse, I wouldn't try to slip mine in place. I mean, mine wasn't bad, but come on... But in many cases, I was just taking one average-looking penis out and replacing it with my own. I didn't have any problem at all doing an impressive squirt shot, and after all, it was just for a few seconds of tape. I doubt if anyone was really examining the footage very carefully. The last step, of course, was to transfer the loose label to the new tape. I made sure it wasn't going to start peeling up, with a nice thin layer of Super Glue. It had to be thin, because I didn't want any telltale wet spots showing through the label. Then I'd return the tape to the store, and stroll out whistling innocently. It was stupid and immature. It was also, I must say, kind of fun. It was a victimless crime. I did it, maybe 15 times, over about a year-and-a-half. It wasn't an everyday thing. Just now and then, when I was feeling mischievous. I even got a little creative a few times. If, for example, I noticed that the guy's hoo hah was in front of a light blue wall, then I'd buy a big sheet of light blue construction paper to use as my own backdrop. Once I even hung a cheap oriental rug on the wall to match what was seen in the distance. A little out-of-focus, it doubled nicely. Besides, I'd hate to think that people were watching the rug more closely than they were my little guy... The important thing is, no one could tell. Even if they noticed that my part didn't match the other guy's, (after all, they're like fingerprints; no two look alike) they probably assumed that another performer doubled him because of, ahem, "performance issues". I often wonder how many people rented the tapes and watched my performance climaxing instead of the original performer's. No way to tell. All I know is that no one ever caught on, because I didn't get tossed in jail or even have my membership at the video place revoked. No one ever said a word. A perfect crime, if you'd even call it a crime. It was definitely perverted, though. A few years later, I had moved to the big city, and then back. The little store was no longer renting tapes. I told the guy at the counter that I wished I could have bought some of his tapes (I'm sure he thought I meant regular movies) when he stopped carrying them. He said he hadn't even bothered having a clearance sale. He just sold them off to a company that distributed to other small video stores. I wonder how far and wide my "alternate footage" ended up going? Talk about spreading your seed... To tell the truth, I don't know what, exactly, you'd call my old perversion. I guess you could say I was an exhibitionist. Certainly not in the traditional sense, though. I didn't want anyone to ever know I was doing anything. I just got off on the idea of strangers seeing me and not knowing it was me. Either way, admittedly very weird, quite perverted. A different me, a long time ago. I hardly know the guy when I look back at him. * So, what's the kinkiest/most perverted thing you've ever done? That you want to admit, at least. That's the beauty of screen names. Your confessions never leave this forum. __________________ The guy formerly known as that guy, now known as this guy.**

September 12th, 2010, 10:07 AM	#4
billybunter R.I.P. Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Gone But Not Forgotten Posts: 14,404 Thanks: 51,687 Thanked 252,380 Times in 14,171 Posts	I could never reveal such a thing/s __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

September 11th, 2010, 10:29 PM	#2
Big Boobies Member Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 62 Thanks: 56 Thanked 270 Times in 47 Posts	I was wondering why all my videos cut to some guy beating off in his bedroom.. damn you!!! lol

September 12th, 2010, 03:15 PM	#5
granpa Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 18 Thanks: 962 Thanked 280 Times in 16 Posts	Nice story The wierdest, and most discusting things I have done. Was to jerk off and cum on a tooth-brush. ...Owned and used by my friends hot mom. I must have been 16

September 22nd, 2010, 10:41 PM	#9
Manny Fagnett Vintage Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: The deep end of the shallow pool. Posts: 1,034 Thanks: 5,904 Thanked 15,273 Times in 1,061 Posts	My wife. Two fingers. A condom. My bottom. You want more?