Putting The Fun Into Funerals - Page 3

**Warren G** · October 10th, 2011, 11:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Norbert84

How old were you here, Warren? My father was born in 1952.

I was born Aug. 12, 1951. Don't really know how old I was there, but I'm guessing two or three.

**sweatyhat** · October 10th, 2011, 12:13 PM

NIN, I had no idea until I stumbled across this thread.
Please accept my belated condolences.

Most of my family (including me) are atheists so we use humanist celebrants to help us say goodbye. I think amusing stories about the deceased mean more to the gathered mourners than a bland list of achievements.

My send-off has been planned up to a point.
It's not to be religious and will be conducted by the afforementioned humanist celebrant. At some point they'll play Motorhead's Ace of Spades and anyone who wants to can sing:

You know I'm born to lose
And gambling's for fools
But that's the way I like it baby
I don't wanna live forever!

I'd also like them shout, "Now burn you bastard, burn!" as I glide through the curtains and into the furnace. Lately I've questioned the environmental impact of cremation so this last bit could change.

**billybunter** · October 10th, 2011, 02:12 PM

This is a passport photo of me in my early 20s. I was shot a week later but survived. I told my Da to chuck me in the sea if I died.

**otokonomidori** · October 11th, 2011, 02:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Norbert84

How old were you here, Warren? My father was born in 1952.

My father was born in 1915! Same year as the tank.

**NIN** · October 14th, 2011, 08:03 PM

Much & Many thanks to my VEF Brethren for the kind messages

One story that i revealed to my family after my Mums' funeral was that a few years ago,
while I was still living at home

she asked if there was anything i wanted when she went to the newsagents...

It was nearing christmas, and feeling frisky & festive I cheekily asked her for a tenner out of the till, a blonde for practice and anything from the top shelf

Didn't expect to get anything of course (except for a few choice words for being cheeky

)

but she returned with a Xmas edition of Escort

... and a broad smile on her face

She explained to me she'd had some banter with the newsagent while buying her ciggies (as per usual) then returned to the magazines and proudly announced "she was in the mood for a bit of fun", boldly took a copy of the Xmas special in front of a 20 year old guy, who was coyly peeking at the magazine covers (with an older woman being in the shop)

After some cheeky innuendo & verbal vivacity with the shopkeeper, where she no doubt did her best to embarrass the youth within earshot

Left the shop & began the short walk home..,
to be passed by the lad on his bike who shouted,

"I'll shag you missus!"

she replied, "I'd bloody crush you" ............ but it made her week

and i got an early xmas prezzie of a jazz mag

**billybunter** · October 15th, 2011, 01:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NIN

Much & Many thanks to my VEF Brethren for the kind messages

One story that i revealed to my family after my Mums' funeral was that a few years ago,
while I was still living at home

she asked if there was anything i wanted when she went to the newsagents...

It was nearing christmas, and feeling frisky & festive I cheekily asked her for a tenner out of the till, a blonde for practice and anything from the top shelf

Didn't expect to get anything of course (except for a few choice words for being cheeky

)

but she returned with a Xmas edition of Escort

... and a broad smile on her face

She explained to me she'd had some banter with the newsagent while buying her ciggies (as per usual) then returned to the magazines and proudly announced "she was in the mood for a bit of fun", boldly took a copy of the Xmas special in front of a 20 year old guy, who was coyly peeking at the magazine covers (with an older woman being in the shop)

After some cheeky innuendo & verbal vivacity with the shopkeeper, where she no doubt did her best to embarrass the youth within earshot

Left the shop & began the short walk home..,
to be passed by the lad on his bike who shouted,

"I'll shag you missus!"

she replied, "I'd bloody crush you" ............ but it made her week

and i got an early xmas prezzie of a jazz mag

Great story mate

hope you cleared up the tissues

**Jeff Vader** · October 15th, 2011, 09:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NIN

Much & Many thanks to my VEF Brethren for the kind messages

One story that i revealed to my family after my Mums' funeral was that a few years ago,
while I was still living at home

she asked if there was anything i wanted when she went to the newsagents...

It was nearing christmas, and feeling frisky & festive I cheekily asked her for a tenner out of the till, a blonde for practice and anything from the top shelf

I left home about 20 years ago and if I had said that to my mother I reckon that I'd just be getting out of intensive care about now...

**rustler** · October 16th, 2011, 12:09 AM

NIN, I am sorry for your loss. I hadn't seen this thread until today, so my belated concolences to you.

Some years ago a friend of mine passed away suddenly. Not being one who attends funerals, whoevers funeral it is, I usually make a point of going to the funeral home and saying my own, private goodbye. Anyway, on this occassion I was ushered into the chapel of rest. The coffin was open, and the attendent asked if I was ok alone there. Yep fine, no problems.
Anyway, as I stood there looking at my friend I noticed that instead of the usual suit and tie, he was wearing jeans and a T shirt. I gently pulled down the lace covering to reveal the words written on the shirt: PLEASE PARDON WHATEVER I DO...........I'M PISSED! ( he was a heavy, but fun drinker)

I started laughing, all the louder, when I saw his stash of porn mags by his feet, as well as hammer, saw, nails etc., just in case anyone need some shelves put up when ' he got upstairs'! ( He was always helping people out with odd handyman type jobs, especially old folk).
I am laughing quite loudly by this point and the attendent quietly comes in and asks if I am alright, 'Yes, absolutely!' , says I, grinning broadly. I don't think that she had ever heard anyone laughing in the chapel of rest before!

I was the only one who paid him a visit there, which I know his family were grateful for, especially when I told them that I stood there Laughing!That is how I remember him.

Now, some 25 years later, the thought of him and that last look, still brings a smile to my face!

Incidentally, his wreath from all of us at his 'local', was shaped like a giant beer mug, complete a 'frothy' head on his pint!

By the way, when watching the film 'LoveActually', there is a scene in there where Keira Knightley's character gets married, and all the couples friends get up and gradually start playing instruments. They are in this instance playing The Beatles hit, All You Need is Love, and the solo guitarist is actually hiding in the pulpit before standing up and playing. Well, according to the writer/Directors ( Richard Curtis) commentary, the inspiration for this scene was actually taken from the late Jim Henson's funeral, where the Muppits gradually appeared and did something similar at his send off!

For myself, I will settle for my gravestone having the inscription RUST IN PEACE on it! (I am a netalworker!)

**billybunter** · October 16th, 2011, 12:37 AM

Most people forget that a funeral is a celebration of a persons life. It should be a time of joy and sadness. The joy being that the person you loved is off to a better place somewhere, the sadness being they have left us behind. Hopefully flipping a bird

because that's what i'll be doing.

MaxJoker · March 4th, 2013, 06:19 PM

Well first i`d need every elected British politician from the mid 70`s to the current day be massacred along with all their family and friends, plus said people`s (Well inhumans) combined no doubt ill gotten wealth be spent on various officially recognised charities

Hmmm can`t currently think of anything else i`d want apart from that ,as everything else i may require would be quite simple.

Although of course i`d want a viking funeral, and one performed at the very top of Mount Everest

October 10th, 2011, 12:13 PM	#22
sweatyhat Woodwose Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: In the mud and rain Posts: 10,869 Thanks: 97,859 Thanked 187,919 Times in 10,563 Posts	NIN, I had no idea until I stumbled across this thread. Please accept my belated condolences. Most of my family (including me) are atheists so we use humanist celebrants to help us say goodbye. I think amusing stories about the deceased mean more to the gathered mourners than a bland list of achievements. My send-off has been planned up to a point. It's not to be religious and will be conducted by the afforementioned humanist celebrant. At some point they'll play Motorhead's Ace of Spades and anyone who wants to can sing: You know I'm born to lose And gambling's for fools But that's the way I like it baby I don't wanna live forever! I'd also like them shout, "Now burn you bastard, burn!" as I glide through the curtains and into the furnace. Lately I've questioned the environmental impact of cremation so this last bit could change. __________________

October 10th, 2011, 02:12 PM	#23
billybunter R.I.P. Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Gone But Not Forgotten Posts: 14,404 Thanks: 51,687 Thanked 252,374 Times in 14,171 Posts	This is a passport photo of me in my early 20s. I was shot a week later but survived. I told my Da to chuck me in the sea if I died. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

October 14th, 2011, 08:03 PM	#25
NIN Banned Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 8,823 Thanks: 200,569 Thanked 131,967 Times in 9,045 Posts	Much & Many thanks to my VEF Brethren for the kind messages One story that i revealed to my family after my Mums' funeral was that a few years ago, while I was still living at home she asked if there was anything i wanted when she went to the newsagents... It was nearing christmas, and feeling frisky & festive I cheekily asked her for a tenner out of the till, a blonde for practice and anything from the top shelf Didn't expect to get anything of course (except for a few choice words for being cheeky ) but she returned with a Xmas edition of Escort ... and a broad smile on her face She explained to me she'd had some banter with the newsagent while buying her ciggies (as per usual) then returned to the magazines and proudly announced "she was in the mood for a bit of fun", boldly took a copy of the Xmas special in front of a 20 year old guy, who was coyly peeking at the magazine covers (with an older woman being in the shop) After some cheeky innuendo & verbal vivacity with the shopkeeper, where she no doubt did her best to embarrass the youth within earshot Left the shop & began the short walk home.., to be passed by the lad on his bike who shouted, "I'll shag you missus!" she replied, "I'd bloody crush you" ............ but it made her week and i got an early xmas prezzie of a jazz mag

October 16th, 2011, 12:09 AM	#28
rustler Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: South of the North Pole Posts: 4,977 Thanks: 47,583 Thanked 84,530 Times in 4,955 Posts	NIN, I am sorry for your loss. I hadn't seen this thread until today, so my belated concolences to you. Some years ago a friend of mine passed away suddenly. Not being one who attends funerals, whoevers funeral it is, I usually make a point of going to the funeral home and saying my own, private goodbye. Anyway, on this occassion I was ushered into the chapel of rest. The coffin was open, and the attendent asked if I was ok alone there. Yep fine, no problems. Anyway, as I stood there looking at my friend I noticed that instead of the usual suit and tie, he was wearing jeans and a T shirt. I gently pulled down the lace covering to reveal the words written on the shirt: PLEASE PARDON WHATEVER I DO...........I'M PISSED! ( he was a heavy, but fun drinker) I started laughing, all the louder, when I saw his stash of porn mags by his feet, as well as hammer, saw, nails etc., just in case anyone need some shelves put up when ' he got upstairs'! ( He was always helping people out with odd handyman type jobs, especially old folk). I am laughing quite loudly by this point and the attendent quietly comes in and asks if I am alright, 'Yes, absolutely!' , says I, grinning broadly. I don't think that she had ever heard anyone laughing in the chapel of rest before! I was the only one who paid him a visit there, which I know his family were grateful for, especially when I told them that I stood there Laughing!That is how I remember him. Now, some 25 years later, the thought of him and that last look, still brings a smile to my face! Incidentally, his wreath from all of us at his 'local', was shaped like a giant beer mug, complete a 'frothy' head on his pint! By the way, when watching the film 'LoveActually', there is a scene in there where Keira Knightley's character gets married, and all the couples friends get up and gradually start playing instruments. They are in this instance playing The Beatles hit, All You Need is Love, and the solo guitarist is actually hiding in the pulpit before standing up and playing. Well, according to the writer/Directors ( Richard Curtis) commentary, the inspiration for this scene was actually taken from the late Jim Henson's funeral, where the Muppits gradually appeared and did something similar at his send off! For myself, I will settle for my gravestone having the inscription RUST IN PEACE on it! (I am a netalworker!) __________________ "I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful and damaging to all things American. But if I were 22 with a great body, it would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic and a progressive religious experience." - Shelley Winters Please read and follow To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

October 16th, 2011, 12:37 AM	#29
billybunter R.I.P. Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Gone But Not Forgotten Posts: 14,404 Thanks: 51,687 Thanked 252,374 Times in 14,171 Posts	Most people forget that a funeral is a celebration of a persons life. It should be a time of joy and sadness. The joy being that the person you loved is off to a better place somewhere, the sadness being they have left us behind. Hopefully flipping a bird because that's what i'll be doing. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

March 4th, 2013, 06:19 PM	#30
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,582 Times in 69,067 Posts	Have you any ideas for what you'd like to happen at your own service or have you had great experiences at a wake... Well first i`d need every elected British politician from the mid 70`s to the current day be massacred along with all their family and friends, plus said people`s (Well inhumans) combined no doubt ill gotten wealth be spent on various officially recognised charities Hmmm can`t currently think of anything else i`d want apart from that ,as everything else i may require would be quite simple. Although of course i`d want a viking funeral, and one performed at the very top of Mount Everest __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.