Post your corny jokes - Page 1179

**gmcbee** · November 18th, 2016, 03:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PJayBr

Hate to be pedantic, but that his 5th Symphony. Great joke though!!!!

You have to admit, he put out some def jams.

ps. I wrote that, just now.

pps. No, I'm not going to quit my day job.

**Isegrim** · November 18th, 2016, 12:46 PM

Well, deaf composers are quite common in modern music, aren't they ...
Song competitions are in fact like paralympics today ...

**trailmaster** · November 18th, 2016, 01:05 PM

A photon is going through airport security. The TSA agent asks if he has any luggage. The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
What did the DNA say to the other DNA? "Do these genes make me look fat?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The bartender says, "We don't serve time travelers in here." A time traveler walks into a bar.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Did you hear about the suicidal homeopath? He took 1/50th of the recommended dose.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
A ship sailing past a remote island, spots a man who has been stranded there for several years. The captain goes ashore to rescue the man and notices three huts. "What's the first hut for?" he asks. "That's my house," says the castaway.
"What's the second hut for?" "That's my church." "And the third hut?"
"Oh, that?" sniffs the castaway. "That's the church I used to go to."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Did you hear about the weekly poker game with Vasco da Gama, Christopher Columbus, Leif Erikson, and Francisco Pizarro? They can never seem to beat the Straights of Magellan.

**BCFC_1982** · November 18th, 2016, 01:38 PM

I've just been to Tesco's and swapped 50 raisins for 100 sultanas. I can't believe the currant exchange rate.

**Mal Hombre** · November 18th, 2016, 03:26 PM

At least Your trip was fruitful..

**SanteeFats** · November 18th, 2016, 09:34 PM

Officer: "Madam, swimming is prohibited in this lake."
Lady: "Why didn't you tell me when I was removing my clothes?"
Officer: "Well, that's not prohibited."

Q: If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
A: Big hands.

dazza2 · November 19th, 2016, 10:13 AM

My colonic irrigation business was doing really well until this summer's hose pipe ban

Credit to Milton Jones for this one, too good not to post

**Isegrim** · November 19th, 2016, 11:11 AM

From "colonic irrigation" to "Eau de cologne" (not so far away as you might think

):

"Eau de cologne - a toilet water with a strong, characteristic scent, originally made in Cologne, Germany." ... in Cologne itself it's called "Kölsch" and is thought to be a beer ...

never tell this one in Cologne if you like to live ...

**SanteeFats** · November 19th, 2016, 08:27 PM

A man called his child's doctor, "Hello! My son just snatched my pen when I was writing and swallowed it. What should I do?" The doctor replied, "Until I can come over, write with another pen."

**jafad** · November 20th, 2016, 05:49 PM

Apparently my new book about poltergeists has been flying off the shelves.

November 18th, 2016, 01:38 PM	#11784
BCFC_1982 Fiona Cooper Enthusiast Join Date: Mar 2014 Location: England Posts: 6,545 Thanks: 109,012 Thanked 106,991 Times in 6,821 Posts	I've just been to Tesco's and swapped 50 raisins for 100 sultanas. I can't believe the currant exchange rate. __________________ All my later posts (2017+) have 3% recovery records in the RAR files To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. PM me in relation to anything Fiona Cooper

November 18th, 2016, 03:26 PM	#11785
Mal Hombre El Super Moderador Join Date: May 2009 Location: Adoptive Monkey Hanger Posts: 58,134 Thanks: 772,663 Thanked 855,787 Times in 57,565 Posts	At least Your trip was fruitful.. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. If in doubt, Just ask Yourself What Would Max Do ? It is a porn site,But its a Classy porn site. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

November 18th, 2016, 12:46 PM	#11782
Isegrim Vintage Member Join Date: Apr 2016 Posts: 1,094 Thanks: 8,200 Thanked 11,679 Times in 1,099 Posts	Well, deaf composers are quite common in modern music, aren't they ... Song competitions are in fact like paralympics today ...

November 18th, 2016, 01:05 PM	#11783
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,898 Thanks: 1,329,029 Thanked 707,260 Times in 60,072 Posts	A photon is going through airport security. The TSA agent asks if he has any luggage. The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light." -------------------------------------------------------------------------- What did the DNA say to the other DNA? "Do these genes make me look fat?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------- The bartender says, "We don't serve time travelers in here." A time traveler walks into a bar. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Did you hear about the suicidal homeopath? He took 1/50th of the recommended dose. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- A ship sailing past a remote island, spots a man who has been stranded there for several years. The captain goes ashore to rescue the man and notices three huts. "What's the first hut for?" he asks. "That's my house," says the castaway. "What's the second hut for?" "That's my church." "And the third hut?" "Oh, that?" sniffs the castaway. "That's the church I used to go to." ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Did you hear about the weekly poker game with Vasco da Gama, Christopher Columbus, Leif Erikson, and Francisco Pizarro? They can never seem to beat the Straights of Magellan.

November 18th, 2016, 09:34 PM	#11786
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,833 Thanks: 281,852 Thanked 813,951 Times in 60,879 Posts	Officer: "Madam, swimming is prohibited in this lake." Lady: "Why didn't you tell me when I was removing my clothes?" Officer: "Well, that's not prohibited." Q: If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have? A: Big hands.

November 19th, 2016, 10:13 AM	#11787
dazza2 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: UK Posts: 192 Thanks: 6,564 Thanked 2,853 Times in 189 Posts	My colonic irrigation business was doing really well until this summer's hose pipe ban Credit to Milton Jones for this one, too good not to post

November 19th, 2016, 11:11 AM	#11788
Isegrim Vintage Member Join Date: Apr 2016 Posts: 1,094 Thanks: 8,200 Thanked 11,679 Times in 1,099 Posts	From "colonic irrigation" to "Eau de cologne" (not so far away as you might think ): "Eau de cologne - a toilet water with a strong, characteristic scent, originally made in Cologne, Germany." ... in Cologne itself it's called "Kölsch" and is thought to be a beer ... never tell this one in Cologne if you like to live ...

November 19th, 2016, 08:27 PM	#11789
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,833 Thanks: 281,852 Thanked 813,951 Times in 60,879 Posts	A man called his child's doctor, "Hello! My son just snatched my pen when I was writing and swallowed it. What should I do?" The doctor replied, "Until I can come over, write with another pen."

November 20th, 2016, 05:49 PM	#11790
jafad Vintage Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 547 Thanks: 740 Thanked 10,278 Times in 547 Posts	Apparently my new book about poltergeists has been flying off the shelves.