How to have confidence around women

[bloke57]

Originally Posted by Estreeter

That's the one
If you can brush it off, you have no problems.
About my mid 20's I learned to laugh it off.

Agree completely. Never get down about it - and it sometimes works in your favour.

I asked my current lady out about three months before - she turned me down. I just said that it was fine - but that I would have kicked myself if I had not asked her because she has so much going for her. I took "no" for an answer and treated her with friendly respect as ever (despite a little disappointment).

Then later on she said that she'd liked the way I hadn't pestered her - that was unusual in her experience and perhaps we should give it a go. She's not the love of my life but we have fun times together when we are able.

[HugoHackenbush]

Originally Posted by Motorboater

Don't worry about confidence. It's bullshit.

Figure out how to prevent taking rejection personally. Then I think you're on your way.

Erm, don't you think that having confidence enables you to not take rejection personally?

[Sharkhunter]

Originally Posted by Motorboater

Don't worry about confidence. It's bullshit.

Figure out how to prevent taking rejection personally. Then I think you're on your way.

I think the two are combined. The more confident you are in yourself, the easier it will be to take "rejection". I actually don't use that term, preferring to see it as a woman (or man for that matter in this modern world) exercising their simple right to choose.

[whop]

I was an introvert, stuttering, insecure, skinny dork when I was young, so the advise "Be yourself" didn't really work for me.

[Jake Gittes]

Originally Posted by whop

I was an introvert, stuttering, insecure, skinny dork when I was young, so the advise "Be yourself" didn't really work for me.

Don't be so hard on yourself mate

Sometimes the best dates (I've had women tell me this of themselves) consist of you, a toddy, and a hobby of your choice

My two cents on this topic is to approach women as just another person at first. That way a lot of the pressure of worrying about all this relationship stuff is reduced.

Women today have to do a lot of things us dudes have to do as well. Ya' know, like work and pay bills and stuff so think about them as people, then see if they become that "special someone" that you are lookin' for.

[Butterboy]

Originally Posted by whop

I was an introvert, stuttering, insecure, skinny dork when I was young, so the advise "Be yourself" didn't really work for me.

I was the same, so I started working out, learnt to play guitar, started hanging out with some older lads and made myself socialise. I also read a book about how to pick up women. Lots of it was kinda silly but three things stuck with me:
1. The "No Technique" technique - never pursue women because they can tell immediately. Just go out a lot and see who shows interest, half the work is done for you then.
2. Whatever their interests are are now your interests. The example in the book was if they believe in horoscopes and you think they're claptrap, don't say that. Say how interesting, tell me more, are our signs compatible...
3. Develop a hide as thick as a rhino - i.e. learn to take rejection. I even took this to the point where I would reject them if they were just playing hard to get, it throws them back to the "no technique" technique.

[Motorboater]

Originally Posted by HugoHackenbush

Erm, don't you think that having confidence enables you to not take rejection personally?

Nope.

[KissArmy]

Originally Posted by KissArmy

All good advice above. Remember that there are all kinds of "women" and in fact some are still girls. You won't get some no matter what you do or how much "confidence" you flash. What's "confidence" to you could look like "jerk" to them. Remember also that You - YOU - will be around for the next 20, 30, 40 years... your definition of confidence is going to change, and what you'll want in a women is going to change too. Focus on YOU above all. Don't let yourself be defined by whether or not women want you.

Oh and one more thing for any 20-something VEF member out there- have access to something they want. Access to the right parties. Access to the right concerts. Access to the right sporting events. Access to their preferred drug. Access to new people. Knowing you have such access gives you confidence. That teenage girl or 20-something girl might say No the first several times you ask her out, but be persistent and act like it's her loss if she doesn't say Yes. Such a girl will eventually see you've got things she wants... and then she'll go out with you.

She's never admitted such, but that's what worked on my now-wife many years ago, when she was 18-19, before I knew her. She was a typical teenage girl looking for all the above things, and her 20-something first POS fiancee delivered them. I've seen pictures of him from back in the day - he was short and weasel-looking - but he radiated confidence because he knew he could deliver what she wanted if she finally went out with him. Throw in the fact that my wife came from a dysfunctional family and she wanted a stable one- and he had that too.

For those of us now in middle-age, I don't have a great answer if you're still looking for the right lady... just be comfortable in your own skin.

[anothercustom]

Originally Posted by AmateurEmale

So the question becomes: How good-looking and/or wealthy do I have to be to pull something like the above off with an attractive girl? Or is it not the right move, based on your experiences with women? Or, have you personally been where I am right now and seen that confidence gets easier with practice

The one thing that (nearly) all women fall for is a good sense of humour. Sounds like a cliche, but stand two fellas of equal status (employment, net worth, car, house, etc.) next to each other and most women will want a long term relationship with the least handsome of the two who happens to have an easy going and fun character. She'll want to shag the handsome one with the dull character (and probably will!), but she'll want to enter a long term relationship with the other fella. The most important thing is to just be yourself.

[Sir Honkers]

Originally Posted by HugoHackenbush

Erm, don't you think that having confidence enables you to not take rejection personally?

Could be a million reasons why you got rejected. She was in a bad mood. Coming out of a relationship. Just not interested in dating anyone. Busy with other aspects of her life. Turning it into being about us is just the way our sense of self thinks.