Fridge Astrology

[NIN]

I can tell peoples fortunes just by looking in their fridges. There's no easy way to explain this..
It is simply a gift that i was born with

In fact, sometimes it's a curse but i have learned to live with it

Yeah, sure I know that's what you're all thinking

But either post a picture of your fridge and/or describe what are the contents (don't forget to state where these things are regularly located)
Details such as types of cheese are essential, it IS important and does effect the reading, so be clear & descriptive give the locations - top shelf, mid shelf, bottom shelf, if some items are beyond the Best Before date...

Is there anything in the vegetable crisper compartment?

What do you keep in the door? and what side the milk goes, any superstitions you have about food placement etc.. it all helps to channel the refrigerated psychokinetic energies.

in fact the more detail you can offer, the more accurate the reading will be, please don't just post a fuzzy picture it makes the spirits angry
..

I'm here waiting to give my first reading & this thread will either fly or flop, but bear with me...

I can really do this
The spirits are strong tonight and I feel powerfully drawn to perform this service for you all.

Now, Is there anyone out there brave enough to step-up to the challenge ?

[rotobott]

Are you old enough to see the stuff on my top shelf, I need ID

[NIN]

Ah yes, you are correct to pull my leg young roto but your jest has merely told me you are not willing to give details about your chilled area.
This also indicates that perhaps your milk is running at a less than ideal level..

perhaps lower than half-full

and a journey to the supermarket will be in the stars for you in the next day or two to replenish the stores.

[rotobott]

Originally Posted by NIN

Ah yes, you are correct to pull my leg young roto but your jest has merely told me you are not willing to give details about your chilled area.
This also indicates that perhaps your milk is running at a less than ideal level..

perhaps lower than half-full

and a journey to the supermarket will be in the stars for you in the next day or two to replenish the stores.

Charlatan, milk never passes these lips.

I like my coffee strong and black, like my women, well not too strong

[NIN]

Psychic readings wasn't what i set this thread-up to do

... But i was right

less than half is what i said, and none is definitely much less

I like my women how like my coffee too

Hot, Sweet & In the morning

but like coffee, they do have a tendency to quickly go cold

& bitter

[Warren G]

Oh, what the hell...



Oops, wait, that's just the freezer...

Fridge, let's see, milk on the top left, juice top right, cheese middle, margarine bottom right, vodka bottom left...

Water in the drawers..

(The fridge drawers, not mine...)

Well not now, anyway...

Cheese slices, in the door top left, next to the bacon fat...

oh, and the suppositories...

Chew on that awhile.



Not the suppositories, I meant the...oh, you know...

[Mal Hombre]

Chilled suppositories ?... Anyhow here's a photo I took of Our fridge,What can You divine from it, Oh Great One ?

This is the best shot I could get,Small kitchen..

[NIN]

Originally Posted by Warren G

Oh, what the hell...



Oops, wait, that's just the freezer...

I don't do Freezers !

Let's get that straight right here & now ! Have you got me down as some kind of nutter Warren?
Look, you must've seen Ghostbusters. I'm not messing with the supernatural forces here just for your entertainment

This is a precise ancient art, almost lost in the midsts of time and was practiced by the Sumarians, Incas, Ancient Egyptians & even the Atlanteans

until some idiot left the damn thing unplugged - the rest, is history

OK, on to your reading
Oooh the spirits are vague.., Very vague - a bit like the lack of detail in your description

Originally Posted by Warren G

Fridge, let's see, milk on the top left, juice top right, cheese middle, margarine bottom right, vodka bottom left...

Water in the drawers..

(The fridge drawers, not mine...)

Well not now, anyway...

Cheese slices, in the door top left, next to the bacon fat...

oh, and the suppositories...

Chew on that awhile.

Not the suppositories, I meant the...oh, you know...

Ah yes the guide is coming thru now..,

Milk at the top left, not the best start unless you are one of the sinister amongst us there are a few left you know,
Milk denotes the here & now in your spacial map and top left is quite unusual

pretty bloody strange in fact .., I'll say no more and move on...
Keeping cheese betwixt the milk & juice is symbolic of ambition, the struggle of your desire to be successful in the arts i feel..
as long as it isn't a fancy French cheese you'll be alright oh and the juice isn't Grapefruit you don't need to waste your time on healthy issues Warren

Not with that much cheese in there! you may as well enjoy a nice OJ or Perky Pineapple

Margarine bottom right ? Bottom Right?? what's that about W?
The margarine denotes your lack of motivation lately, move it up to the middle and things will get better for your lovelife and you won't have to bend over so far when sandwiching Sandwiches & exercise are a bad combo.
But the vodka might have some influence here... Pour a little into the marg You've heard of Brandy Butter right !

Vodka marg is quite refreshing on the palette and a cheaper alternative

I think it best if we skip past the water in your drawers
nobody wants to know about your personal probs Warren and hygiene has no place in refrigeration.

Cheese slices, in the door top left, next to the bacon fat - this is bad..,
this is Very Bad - oh, this is not good at all
Warren, the fridge door is symbolic of the future & Bacon fat indicates your flippancy & your lack of the want to get there
either separate the cheese slices and stick them to your face or get rid of the Bacon fat - neither will do you any good i'm afraid
unless you are making a particularly tasty burger in the next week

as to the suppositories well i think you know what you can do with them



Mal, I'm going to have to go into a deep trance to get through that little lot - Very deep
please be patient while I feel the sudden urge to satisfy the spirits..
What i really mean is there is a Hobgoblin in the bottom of my fridge demanding my immediate attention

It's surprisingly thirsty work doing this long distance divination

[Estreeter]

Originally Posted by NIN

Is there anything in the vegetable crisper compartment?

Is there anything in my what Huh vegetable crisper compartment Is that thing legal

[NIN]

Originally Posted by Estreeter

Is there anything in my what Huh vegetable crisper compartment Is that thing legal

I shall interrupt my divination of Mals well stocked chill-box for you Boss and your very relevant point

Should there even be a Vegetable compartment ? It's a question that haunted man since the dawn of time,

unfortunately, 95% of the fairer sex seem to think green stuff is healthy Ha ! Yeah, I know

Where do they get some of their ideas ?

Ok, i thought i was going to have to demonstrate my psychic powers on my own fridge and to proove i'm not shy I took a snap last night - and as it clearly demonstrates...

in fact it screams SINGLE MAN !

No Vegetable tray whatsoever - only sign of feminine tendancies are a bottle of Rosé and some soft cheese
and they are only there as a 'just in case'


Beer space-hogs cannot & should not ever be tolerated

in fact this is something that divides the sexes 100%
- Just try & do the same as me all you 'Married & In A Relationship' members (may VEF have mercy on your souls)

Just try & throw out the Veg Crisper compartment - you'll swiftly find yourself with a nagging harpie at you shoulder
but nothing else in modern life is such a misnomer and falsehood - vegetables do not find it a natural habitat (with the notable exception of Rhubarb) so now you know what to say back at her when she busts your balls for throwing out the Veg Tray - Fuckin' Rhubarb! More Beer !!!

* NIN denies all of the above should it come to a courtroom incident