Post your corny jokes - Page 1492

**trailmaster** · July 13th, 2019, 02:34 PM

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet I know what it is- it's some flowers!" "That's right!" said the little boy. Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said. "I bet I know what it is- it's a box of candy!" "That's right!" shouted the little girl.

The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son, Little Johnny. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," Little Johnny answered. The teacher touched another drop to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No" he answered. Finally, the teacher said, " I give up. What is it?"
Little Johnny replied. "A puppy!"

**gedly** · July 13th, 2019, 03:00 PM

Contact lenses? There's more to them than meets the eye.

**Navvet** · July 16th, 2019, 03:30 AM

A guy with a stutter, died in prison.....before he could finish his sentence.

MaxJoker · July 16th, 2019, 12:30 PM

Supposedly they found class B drugs in his kitchen and class A drugs in his bathroom ,

Plus class 4C in his bedroom.

**Mal Hombre** · July 16th, 2019, 01:08 PM

How did Michael hold on to His Youth ? He locked the door...

MaxJoker · July 17th, 2019, 09:29 AM

Painted my laptop black hoping it would run faster ,

Now it doesn't work.

**Mal Hombre** · July 17th, 2019, 11:55 AM

My wife caught Me putting a load into the dishwasher,Now I've had to fire Her...

**trailmaster** · July 17th, 2019, 12:44 PM

Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher asks Little Johnny to use the word definitely in a sentence.
Little Johnny replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?"
The teacher says, "Of course not Johnny,"
To which Johnny replies, "Then I definitely shit my pants then..."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Little Johnny comes downstairs crying.
His mother asked, "What's the matter now?"
"Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with the hammer," said little Johnny through his tears.
"That's not so serious," soothed his mother.
"I know you are upset, but a big boy like you shouldn't cry at something like that. Why didn't you just laugh?"
"I did!" sobbed Johnny.

**dbailey** · July 17th, 2019, 02:45 PM

Teacher is speaking to class about complex words that have challenging meanings.

She asks class 'who can create a sentence that contains the word indefinitely?'

Little Johnny's hand shoots into the air

' Well miss, if you can feel your balls banging against her ass, you are indefinitely'

**gedly** · July 17th, 2019, 07:01 PM

Anybody remember that episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation when Picard says, "We come in peace". Then Data says, "Except Beverly. She makes a hell of a noise when she comes!"?

July 16th, 2019, 12:30 PM	#14914
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,787 Times in 69,067 Posts	Just read the report of what happened when police raided Michael Jackson's Neverland Supposedly they found class B drugs in his kitchen and class A drugs in his bathroom , Plus class 4C in his bedroom. __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

July 16th, 2019, 01:08 PM	#14915
Mal Hombre El Super Moderador Join Date: May 2009 Location: Adoptive Monkey Hanger Posts: 58,153 Thanks: 772,850 Thanked 855,933 Times in 57,582 Posts	How did Michael hold on to His Youth ? He locked the door... __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. If in doubt, Just ask Yourself What Would Max Do ? It is a porn site,But its a Classy porn site. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

July 17th, 2019, 09:29 AM	#14916
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,787 Times in 69,067 Posts	Painted my laptop black hoping it would run faster , Now it doesn't work. __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

July 17th, 2019, 11:55 AM	#14917
Mal Hombre El Super Moderador Join Date: May 2009 Location: Adoptive Monkey Hanger Posts: 58,153 Thanks: 772,850 Thanked 855,933 Times in 57,582 Posts	My wife caught Me putting a load into the dishwasher,Now I've had to fire Her... __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. If in doubt, Just ask Yourself What Would Max Do ? It is a porn site,But its a Classy porn site. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

July 13th, 2019, 02:34 PM	#14911
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,905 Thanks: 1,329,115 Thanked 707,329 Times in 60,079 Posts	On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet I know what it is- it's some flowers!" "That's right!" said the little boy. Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said. "I bet I know what it is- it's a box of candy!" "That's right!" shouted the little girl. The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son, Little Johnny. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," Little Johnny answered. The teacher touched another drop to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No" he answered. Finally, the teacher said, " I give up. What is it?" Little Johnny replied. "A puppy!"

July 13th, 2019, 03:00 PM	#14912
gedly Veteran Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 3,234 Thanks: 19,886 Thanked 69,321 Times in 3,171 Posts	Contact lenses? There's more to them than meets the eye.

July 16th, 2019, 03:30 AM	#14913
Navvet An Old Salt Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 8,095 Thanks: 71,681 Thanked 279,570 Times in 8,087 Posts	A guy with a stutter, died in prison.....before he could finish his sentence.

July 17th, 2019, 12:44 PM	#14918
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,905 Thanks: 1,329,115 Thanked 707,329 Times in 60,079 Posts	Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?" His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?" Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teacher asks Little Johnny to use the word definitely in a sentence. Little Johnny replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?" The teacher says, "Of course not Johnny," To which Johnny replies, "Then I definitely shit my pants then..." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Little Johnny comes downstairs crying. His mother asked, "What's the matter now?" "Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with the hammer," said little Johnny through his tears. "That's not so serious," soothed his mother. "I know you are upset, but a big boy like you shouldn't cry at something like that. Why didn't you just laugh?" "I did!" sobbed Johnny.

July 17th, 2019, 02:45 PM	#14919
dbailey Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Wharfedale, Yorkshire, UK Posts: 2,298 Thanks: 137,964 Thanked 24,965 Times in 2,218 Posts	Teacher is speaking to class about complex words that have challenging meanings. She asks class 'who can create a sentence that contains the word indefinitely?' Little Johnny's hand shoots into the air ' Well miss, if you can feel your balls banging against her ass, you are indefinitely'

July 17th, 2019, 07:01 PM	#14920
gedly Veteran Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 3,234 Thanks: 19,886 Thanked 69,321 Times in 3,171 Posts	Anybody remember that episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation when Picard says, "We come in peace". Then Data says, "Except Beverly. She makes a hell of a noise when she comes!"?