Most absurd argument with GF, wife, etc.

[HugoHackenbush]

Happened just the other day....

HH: Honey, I'm going to run a few errands, is there anything I do for you while I'm out? Pick up something from the grocery?

Her: Well, now that I've done the laundry, mopped the floor, cleaned the bathroom...

HH: I didn't ask you to complain about cleaning, I asked you if I can do something for you while I'm out.

This apparently was not what she wanted to hear.

[Pinkpapercut]

Her, eating garlic chicken, to me, eating steak: "Don't put anything garlicky on that, I can smell it on your breath for hours"

Me: "you do realize you're eating garlic chicken?"

Her: "Yes, but I can't smell it on my own breath, can I?

Me ...[speechless]...

[theequestrian]

Not an argument. A dumbfounding conversation.

My Ex and I had been married for @ 2 months when she woke me up in the middle of the night.
"Honey, do you hear that noise?"
I listened. The only thing I heard was the cat - sleeping between us - purring.
"No"
"You DON'T hear it?" she was starting to get upset
"No. What does it sound like?"
"It sounds like someone is sawing the house"
Doubletake.
"What?"
"Someone's sawing the house"
Now I was wide awake. I listened, and listened and listened some more.
"No. I don't hear anything" I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep.
Then she started imitating the sound.
Doubletake #2.
"It's Euphrates" (the cat). I rolled back over.
"What's wrong with her?"
I had apparently married the only 21 year old on earth that had never heard a cat purr.

This is the same woman - who during a real argument - actually turned to me and said (and this is an EXACT quote) "Why don't you grow up and stop using such big words"

The upside to this is that I still have Euphrates. (see avatar)

[HugoHackenbush]

An intense row. Finally, after dismantling her arguments one by one...

(Sneering) "You always have to be right, don't you."

Well, isn't that the whole point of an argument, to demonstrate point by point, that I am correct?

Also comes in the form of "OK, fffffffffffine. If that's the way you want it"

At which point you realize that any form of sex is seriously off the table for at least 48 hours.

[Jack Keroact]

Every argument nutty, just tell them their pretty. It worked a few times.

[Cheekymonkey]

While crossing the street....
Ex: "Did you get a good look?"
Me: (Lost in my own thoughts, not a clue what she's on about) "What?"
Ex: "That Black girl that just walked by"
Me: (In earnestness) "I didn't even see her"
Ex: "Yes you did! Shapely, long legs, almond eyes, high cheek bones, full lips"
Me: No, I didn't. But she sounds absolutely amazing. I wish I had"

[Ormagodden]

I got yelled at for something i did in her dream. The dream me tried to get her, her sister and her mom into bed.When she confronted me, after i asked her why she was mad, I laughed and said, that's fucking crazy... well what do ya think? And then she punched me. It was worth it though.

[tamsmith]

Was out with my son earlier for a few beers and met mrs tamsmith later on. A few more beers later we got home. A short while after she asked, "How much did you spend in the pub today?".

Immediately after my reply came the question. "How come you spent so much?".
My reply was, "well you were drinking double vodkas my darling".

I now have earache, she off to bed and I am on VEF.

What did I say wrong?

[HugoHackenbush]

Just had this one…


She: I can’t believe you said that.
HH: What?
She: You said Blah-blah-blah!
HH: So what?
She: You said in front of that bitchy, catty woman.
HH: So what, its true.
She: She’ll blab it all over town.
HH: But it’s true, and I don’t think it’s bad.
She: You just don’t understand. (Gosh, when have I heard that before?) Men are from Mars …Women are from Venus. No woman would have ever said that.
HH: But I’m not a woman.
She: Doesn’t matter. I’m furious with you.
HH: Let me get this straight…even though I’m not a woman, and don’t think like a woman, and can’t think like a woman because I’m a man, you’re furious with me because I’m not thinking like a woman would think, and even further, because I’m not thinking like a bitchy, catty woman would think.
She: (Stoney silence)
HH: (Shit. There goes any hope of sex for the week)

[rustler]

Having fitted wardrobes put in the bedroom.....

The guy comes to fit them:
"Where exactly do you want them", he asks. So the GF. shows him. Mark it on the wall he asks, so she does. "fine". So he startes putting them up. A couple of hours later, she goes in the bedroom and tells him," They're in thre wrong place! "Well they're where you marked them!" he rightly says, pointing out her mark on the wall. So she comes and gets me.......

I can't argue with fact that it is where she has marked it. After a strop, she rings up the head office and after half an hour on the phone, it is agreed that the following Friday, two days later, they will move the wardrobe and refit it, at their expense, where she now wants it. Great.
Friday comes.....

The same fitter disassembles the half finished wardrobe, and re-fits it ( which involves cutting some new panels as the old ones now don't fit!) where she has decided that it should have been. So far so good....

wait for it.......

Yep, you've guessed it, after it is again nearly half finished, she wants the fcuking thing moved 6" back again!! Again calls me, well my sympathies are totally with the poor blasted workman, being a craftsman myself, and living with this woman, I've been on the wrong end of it too often.

Obviously, after I had got back from the zoo, where I went to cool off, she has a go at me for not backing her up!!

The poor bugger had fitted it twice, where she wanted it and marked it, and she still wanted the bloody thing moved again!

She was a sodding nightmare, but her mother, well she was the original role model for Hycinth Bucket, I kid you not!