Post your corny jokes

[bp666]

I was at a party and someone yelled out, "Hey, does anyone know CPR?"

I replied "CPR? Heck, I know the entire alphabet."

Everyone died laughing...except one guy...he just died.

[captpike]

Wow...Only in Florida You will not believe what just happened. I go to the gas station to get a soda and noticed 2 deputies watching some guy who was smoking while pumping gas. I saw him & thought: 1. This guy has no common sense & 2. Is he really that stupid with deputies right there, too?Anyways, I went inside to get some drinks. As I was checking out, I heard screaming & looked outside. This idiots arm was on ��fire! He was swinging his arm & running around going crazy! I ran outside & the deputies had put him on the ground & were putting the fire out w/their coffees! YES, THEIR COFFEES! Then, they handcuffed him & threw him in the back of the patrol car. I said to myself, That's what you get, shouldn't have been smoking near the pump while getting gas!! So, being the nosey person that I am, I asked them, "What are you charging him with, being stupid?" One of the deputies looked dead at me and said: "FOR WAVING A FIREARM!!!"

[Baresfan]

A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when
you grow up?

Little Larry says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."

The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible. response from little Larry, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson. "And how about you,
Sarah?"

"I wanna be Larry's whore."

[ruffroundedges]

Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car?
So they can park in the handicapped spot

What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?
Homeless.

A young drummer girl was walking along the street when she heard..
"Psst! Down here!"

She looked down and saw a frog sitting by the curb. The frog says to her, "Hey, if you kiss me I'll turn into a world famous drummer and make you rich and famous!" She thought for a moment and reached down, grabbed the frog and stuffed it in her pocket.

A woman standing nearby witnessing the whole event said, "What did you do that for?"

The girl replied, "I'm not stupid. I know a talking frog is worth heaps more than a famous drummer any day!"

[bloke57]

What do the Jedi use to make their cakes rise?

Bicarbonate of Yoda.

[ruffroundedges]

- Did you hear about the 120-pound guy with the 30-pound testicles? People say he was half-nuts!

- According to the police, public mastubation is NOT considered a "street performance"
Even if you have a hat on the ground in front of you.

[RoddersUK]

I went into a local caff this morning and ordered an All Day Breakfast.
I was a bit disappointed because I finished eating it after 15 minutes.

[bp666]

Harry Potter can't tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best mate.

They're both cauldron.

[ruffroundedges]

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says ‘Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load.’

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window.
As if they’ve never spoken, the blonde says brightly, ‘Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!’ Shaking his head the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again. At the next light the trucker hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says, ‘Hi, my name is Kevin, it’s winter in Canada and I’m driving the SALT TRUCK!!!!!!’

[bp666]

No matter how much you hate prose - it could be verse.