Twisted sick jokes that`ll send us ALL to hell. - Page 11

**rustler** · November 3rd, 2013, 08:28 PM

My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give
him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year! You'd better stop
before you're banned from teaching altogether."

Estreeter · November 4th, 2013, 12:57 PM

If you ever come home and find your Missus in bed
with another man....

Just make sure his guide dog ain't takin' a dump on the bedroom floor

**rustler** · November 4th, 2013, 02:12 PM

I took part in a pub quiz the other day. One of the questions was to name two things commonly found in cells. It appears that West Indians and Polish is not the correct answer.

.................

There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in town, but I've been banned from it after asking to look at some bomber jackets!

..................

A bloke goes into an antique shop and asks how much the brass cat in the window is. The owner says, "£50 for the cat and £50 for its story."

The bloke says he'll just have the cat and sets off home.

As he leaves the shop, a cat starts following him, then ten cats, then a hundred cats, then a thousand cats, so he throws the brass cat in the river and all the other cats dive in after it.

The bloke goes back to the shop and the owner says, "Back for the story, eh?"

The bloke replies, "No. Got any brass Pakis?"

........................

The government have released a statement to say that within the next 10 years, they will have to bring back Conscription due to lack of resources within our armed forces.

David Cameron　has said that it will not be done on previous experience or age, but will be done alphabetically...

Asians
Blacks
Coons

MaxJoker · November 4th, 2013, 02:36 PM

I keep seeing Facebook posts calling on the government to "Ban the Burka".

Personally i'm not in favour, as i`ve seen what these hairy double chinned bitches look like and honestly covering up is a public service.

"Please don't make me do it again daddy , i don't like it !" My son cried, trying to wriggle free "It looks horrible, smells of pee and tastes disgusting".

"That's an awful thing to say !" I scolded "Now stop being silly and go and give your Nana a kiss."

Some of my best friends are black.

They died in a fire at the weekend.

**rustler** · November 4th, 2013, 03:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Estreeter

If you ever come home and find your Missus in bed

with another man....

Just make sure his guide dog ain't takin' a dump on the bedroom floor

Or similarly........

What do you say if you come home and find your wife in bed with your best friend??...............

Bad dog Fido!!

**rustler** · November 4th, 2013, 04:00 PM

A man rings in to work to say that he will not be coming in today as he is sick...

"How sick are you?" asks his boss.

"Well at the moment I'm in bed with my sister!"

**rustler** · November 5th, 2013, 09:01 AM

Bloody immigrants, they come over here and say 'were British!' That's like saying that if a dog is born in a stable it's a fcuking horse!

**rustler** · November 5th, 2013, 09:05 AM

What's the difference between a baby and a Mars Bar?

About 500 calories.

**rustler** · November 5th, 2013, 03:51 PM

A man goes to the doctors, and on the way out he meets his friend.......

"I've got the big C", he tells his friend.
"What cancer?"
"No, dyslexia."

MaxJoker · November 5th, 2013, 05:00 PM

What do you call a gay French man ?.

A faguette.

According to the autopsy report, my two year old son died due to "Serious neglect".

Nothing to do with me though.

I was down the pub at the time .

November 3rd, 2013, 08:28 PM	#101
rustler Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: South of the North Pole Posts: 4,977 Thanks: 47,583 Thanked 84,530 Times in 4,955 Posts	My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether." __________________ "I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful and damaging to all things American. But if I were 22 with a great body, it would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic and a progressive religious experience." - Shelley Winters Please read and follow To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

November 4th, 2013, 12:57 PM	#102
Estreeter *Administrator* Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: The 19th hole Posts: 58,120 Thanks: 449,724 Thanked 896,802 Times in 60,322 Posts	If you ever come home and find your Missus in bed with another man.... Just make sure his guide dog ain't takin' a dump on the bedroom floor __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

November 4th, 2013, 02:12 PM	#103
rustler Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: South of the North Pole Posts: 4,977 Thanks: 47,583 Thanked 84,530 Times in 4,955 Posts	I took part in a pub quiz the other day. One of the questions was to name two things commonly found in cells. It appears that West Indians and Polish is not the correct answer. ................. There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in town, but I've been banned from it after asking to look at some bomber jackets! .................. A bloke goes into an antique shop and asks how much the brass cat in the window is. The owner says, "£50 for the cat and £50 for its story." The bloke says he'll just have the cat and sets off home. As he leaves the shop, a cat starts following him, then ten cats, then a hundred cats, then a thousand cats, so he throws the brass cat in the river and all the other cats dive in after it. The bloke goes back to the shop and the owner says, "Back for the story, eh?" The bloke replies, "No. Got any brass Pakis?" ........................ The government have released a statement to say that within the next 10 years, they will have to bring back Conscription due to lack of resources within our armed forces. David Cameron　has said that it will not be done on previous experience or age, but will be done alphabetically... Asians Blacks Coons __________________ "I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful and damaging to all things American. But if I were 22 with a great body, it would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic and a progressive religious experience." - Shelley Winters Please read and follow To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

November 4th, 2013, 02:36 PM	#104
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,560 Times in 69,067 Posts	I keep seeing Facebook posts calling on the government to "Ban the Burka". Personally i'm not in favour, as i`ve seen what these hairy double chinned bitches look like and honestly covering up is a public service. "Please don't make me do it again daddy , i don't like it !" My son cried, trying to wriggle free "It looks horrible, smells of pee and tastes disgusting". "That's an awful thing to say !" I scolded "Now stop being silly and go and give your Nana a kiss." Some of my best friends are black. They died in a fire at the weekend. __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

November 4th, 2013, 04:00 PM	#106
rustler Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: South of the North Pole Posts: 4,977 Thanks: 47,583 Thanked 84,530 Times in 4,955 Posts	A man rings in to work to say that he will not be coming in today as he is sick... "How sick are you?" asks his boss. "Well at the moment I'm in bed with my sister!" __________________ "I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful and damaging to all things American. But if I were 22 with a great body, it would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic and a progressive religious experience." - Shelley Winters Please read and follow To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

November 5th, 2013, 09:01 AM	#107
rustler Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: South of the North Pole Posts: 4,977 Thanks: 47,583 Thanked 84,530 Times in 4,955 Posts	Bloody immigrants, they come over here and say 'were British!' That's like saying that if a dog is born in a stable it's a fcuking horse! __________________ "I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful and damaging to all things American. But if I were 22 with a great body, it would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic and a progressive religious experience." - Shelley Winters Please read and follow To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

November 5th, 2013, 09:05 AM	#108
rustler Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: South of the North Pole Posts: 4,977 Thanks: 47,583 Thanked 84,530 Times in 4,955 Posts	What's the difference between a baby and a Mars Bar? About 500 calories. __________________ "I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful and damaging to all things American. But if I were 22 with a great body, it would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic and a progressive religious experience." - Shelley Winters Please read and follow To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

November 5th, 2013, 03:51 PM	#109
rustler Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: South of the North Pole Posts: 4,977 Thanks: 47,583 Thanked 84,530 Times in 4,955 Posts	A man goes to the doctors, and on the way out he meets his friend....... "I've got the big C", he tells his friend. "What cancer?" "No, dyslexia." __________________ "I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful and damaging to all things American. But if I were 22 with a great body, it would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic and a progressive religious experience." - Shelley Winters Please read and follow To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

November 5th, 2013, 05:00 PM	#110
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,560 Times in 69,067 Posts	What do you call a gay French man ?. A faguette. According to the autopsy report, my two year old son died due to "Serious neglect". Nothing to do with me though. I was down the pub at the time . __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

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