Post your corny jokes - Page 1189

**ManofKent** · December 18th, 2016, 03:04 PM

Here's one that just popped into my head this afternoon for no reason

:

Q:What's a Muslim's favourite breakfast cereal?
A:Koran-flakes!

~~}[eywood~~ · December 18th, 2016, 03:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ManofKent

Here's one that just popped into my head this afternoon for no reason

:

Q:What's a Muslim's favourite breakfast cereal?
A:Koran-flakes!

Groan. Better stuff it back in there

Bill derBerg · December 18th, 2016, 03:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by }[eywood

Groan. Better stuff it back in there

That's what she said.

**photoflex** · December 18th, 2016, 04:06 PM

Three businessmen were riding together on Christmas Eve on their way home from a Christmas party when their car hit a patch of ice, skidded off the road and hit a tree.

All three died and found themselves standing outside the Pearly Gates.

Saint Peter looked them up and down, shaking his head from side to side. "You three are about as sorry a lot as I have seen lately. I fear you are at the wrong place, but since it is Christmastime, I'll allow you in on one condition." "What is that?" one of them asked.

"You must reach into your pocket and show me an item with a connection with Christmas."

One of the quickly reached into his pocket and produced a lighter, which he lit and held it above his head. "This symbolizes a Christmas candle." Saint Peter nodded his head and opened the gate to allow the man to enter.

Following his friend's example, the second man reached into his pocket and produced a ring of keys, which he shook allowing the keys to jingle. "This symbolizes Christmas bells." Again Saint Peter nodded his head and opened the gate.

The third man reached into his pocket and produced a pair of women's panties which he head out for Saint Peter's examination.

"What Christmas significance can they have?" Saint Peter asked. "They are paisley in print, and of purple and gold color."

"They're Carol's."

WURZ · December 18th, 2016, 11:29 PM

A young Portsmouth lass was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the sea, but just before she could throw herself from the wharf, a handsome young man stopped her.

"You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Australia tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Australia , the woman accepted.
That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn. Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.
"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food every day and I get a free trip to Australia."
"I see," the captain says 'and thats all is it?'
Her conscience then got the better of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me."
"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Isle of Wight Ferry"...........................

**PJayBr** · December 19th, 2016, 03:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rosestone

Gone bust have they, that's ruff.

Yes, terrierable news!!

**PJayBr** · December 19th, 2016, 05:57 PM

A lawyer gets to the Pearly Gates and St. Peter is checking him in. The lawyer complains that he shouldn't be dead yet because he's only 49. St. Peter checks the records carefully and says,

"No, because of the hours you've billed clients, you're actually 124...."

**captpike** · December 19th, 2016, 10:50 PM

**SanteeFats** · December 19th, 2016, 11:02 PM

The new video soccer/football FIFA game is being released. In an effort to make it more realistic than ever they have added a bribery option to the game.

**deadman76** · December 19th, 2016, 11:15 PM

I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said ‘Tenpin?’ I said ‘No, it’s a permanent job’

My next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he’s a catholic converter

I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper… dicing with death!

December 18th, 2016, 03:04 PM	#11881
ManofKent Vintage Member Join Date: May 2013 Location: U.K Posts: 1,130 Thanks: 10,125 Thanked 13,832 Times in 1,113 Posts	Here's one that just popped into my head this afternoon for no reason: Q:What's a Muslim's favourite breakfast cereal? A:Koran-flakes!

December 18th, 2016, 04:06 PM	#11884
photoflex Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Location: Location Posts: 3,583 Thanks: 37,925 Thanked 127,779 Times in 3,570 Posts	Three businessmen were riding together on Christmas Eve on their way home from a Christmas party when their car hit a patch of ice, skidded off the road and hit a tree. All three died and found themselves standing outside the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter looked them up and down, shaking his head from side to side. "You three are about as sorry a lot as I have seen lately. I fear you are at the wrong place, but since it is Christmastime, I'll allow you in on one condition." "What is that?" one of them asked. "You must reach into your pocket and show me an item with a connection with Christmas." One of the quickly reached into his pocket and produced a lighter, which he lit and held it above his head. "This symbolizes a Christmas candle." Saint Peter nodded his head and opened the gate to allow the man to enter. Following his friend's example, the second man reached into his pocket and produced a ring of keys, which he shook allowing the keys to jingle. "This symbolizes Christmas bells." Again Saint Peter nodded his head and opened the gate. The third man reached into his pocket and produced a pair of women's panties which he head out for Saint Peter's examination. "What Christmas significance can they have?" Saint Peter asked. "They are paisley in print, and of purple and gold color." "They're Carol's." __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I love your thanks, but please thank the original posters first.

December 18th, 2016, 11:29 PM	#11885
WURZ Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 332 Thanks: 4,271 Thanked 9,666 Times in 305 Posts	A young Portsmouth lass was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the sea, but just before she could throw herself from the wharf, a handsome young man stopped her. "You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Australia tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy." With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Australia , the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn. Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection. "What are you doing here?" asked the captain. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food every day and I get a free trip to Australia." "I see," the captain says 'and thats all is it?' Her conscience then got the better of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me." "He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Isle of Wight Ferry"........................... __________________ FTW..AFU

December 19th, 2016, 10:50 PM	#11888
captpike Vintage Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: TALOS IV or South Carolina Posts: 1,175 Thanks: 80,335 Thanked 47,306 Times in 1,164 Posts	__________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Looking for more of or about her? Due to recent changes I will be limited on my reups lost most of my collection To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

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December 19th, 2016, 05:57 PM	#11887
PJayBr Vintage Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: In front of my PC with my cock in my hand...... Posts: 1,311 Thanks: 41,666 Thanked 13,693 Times in 1,282 Posts	A lawyer gets to the Pearly Gates and St. Peter is checking him in. The lawyer complains that he shouldn't be dead yet because he's only 49. St. Peter checks the records carefully and says, "No, because of the hours you've billed clients, you're actually 124...."

December 19th, 2016, 11:02 PM	#11889
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,828 Thanks: 281,847 Thanked 813,880 Times in 60,874 Posts	The new video soccer/football FIFA game is being released. In an effort to make it more realistic than ever they have added a bribery option to the game.

December 19th, 2016, 11:15 PM	#11890
deadman76 Vintage Member Join Date: Jun 2014 Location: Living Room Posts: 775 Thanks: 9,759 Thanked 10,944 Times in 773 Posts	I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said ‘Tenpin?’ I said ‘No, it’s a permanent job’ My next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he’s a catholic converter I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper… dicing with death!