Post your corny jokes - Page 1330

petvictor · April 12th, 2018, 07:03 PM

My dog"s just turned up at the pub shaking like a leaf,,He knows if i"m not home in 10 minutes he"s getting my dinner,,,,

**seany65** · April 12th, 2018, 11:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aaron

A Marvel comic gag:

Thieves stole a shipment of adamantium steel. They knew exactly what they were doing. They shouted, "Stand and deliver!"

I'm pretty sure that even if I had as many as TWO braincells to rub together, I wouldn't get that joke.

Aaron · April 12th, 2018, 11:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seany65

I'm pretty sure that even if I had as many as TWO braincells to rub together, I wouldn't get that joke.

Adamantium, a more-or-less indestructible metal, is the fictional metal in DC Comic's character Wolverine's skeleton.

Adam Ant is a musician best known for, and possibly only known for, a song by the group Adam and the Ants titled "Stand And Deliver."

It's like The Joker yelled at Harley Quinn, "But you had to explain it. If you have to explain it, then there is no joke!" Not a lack of brain cells involved, just a lack of funny.

**Jack Rabbit** · April 12th, 2018, 11:34 PM

I didn't get that either without explanation. I know the word and the meaning in the comics, so I totally missed the (not so) hidden name in there...

Two crazy people walk along the railroad tracks. Says the first one: "Geez, isn't this a long flight of stairs!"

**rosestone** · April 13th, 2018, 04:22 AM

Doctor - "I'm afraid you're suffering from auto-correct syndrome."
Patient - "I didn't even know I was I'll."

**mrfixit** · April 14th, 2018, 03:03 AM

A couple were attending their first pre-natal class. So that the husband could get an idea of what it felt like to be pregnant, the instructor strapped a bag of sand to his stomach.
As he walked around with his new bulge, the husband said: “This doesn’t feel too bad.”
Then the instructor deliberately dropped a pen and said to the husband: “Now I want you to pick up that pen as if you were pregnant.”
“You want me to do it the way my wife would?” confirmed the husband.
“Exactly the same,” said the instructor.
The husband turned to his wife and said: “Honey, pick up that pen for me.”

**PJayBr** · April 14th, 2018, 08:58 AM

A woman is sitting at her deceased husband’s funeral. A man leans in to her and asks, “Do you mind if I say a word?”.

“No, go right ahead”, the woman replies.

The man stands, clears his throat, says “Plethora”, and sits back down.

“Thanks”, the woman says, “that means a lot”

**tygrkhat40** · April 14th, 2018, 03:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aaron

Adamantium, a more-or-less indestructible metal, is the fictional metal in DC Comic's character Wolverine's skeleton.

Adam Ant is a musician best known for, and possibly only known for, a song by the group Adam and the Ants titled "Stand And Deliver."

It's like The Joker yelled at Harley Quinn, "But you had to explain it. If you have to explain it, then there is no joke!" Not a lack of brain cells involved, just a lack of funny.

Actually, Wolverine and adamatium are from Marvel Comics. Gotta be careful with confusing the characters.

**mrfixit** · April 15th, 2018, 02:37 AM

A bird was flying south for the winter, but had left it too late to set off and found itself frozen solid in a blizzard. It dropped to earth in a field of cows, landing in a massive cow pat, just as it was being deposited by the fattest cow in the field. At first, the bird was disgusted until it realized that the pile of poop was actually thawing him out. As the ice melted and his feathers returned to normal, he tweeted joyously, but the sounds were heard by a nearby cat who promptly crept over and ate the bird.
There are three morals to this story:
1. Not everyone who gets you into shit is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3. If you are in shit, keep your mouth shut.

Aaron · April 15th, 2018, 03:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tygrkhat40

Actually, Wolverine and adamatium are from Marvel Comics. Gotta be careful with confusing the characters.

I showed my ass! Now THAT is funny!

Okay, mooning isn't normally considered a corny joke, butt still...!

April 14th, 2018, 03:03 AM	#13296
mrfixit Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Elm Street Posts: 9,401 Thanks: 165,736 Thanked 114,755 Times in 9,415 Posts	A couple were attending their first pre-natal class. So that the husband could get an idea of what it felt like to be pregnant, the instructor strapped a bag of sand to his stomach. As he walked around with his new bulge, the husband said: “This doesn’t feel too bad.” Then the instructor deliberately dropped a pen and said to the husband: “Now I want you to pick up that pen as if you were pregnant.” “You want me to do it the way my wife would?” confirmed the husband. “Exactly the same,” said the instructor. The husband turned to his wife and said: “Honey, pick up that pen for me.” __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator?

April 15th, 2018, 02:37 AM	#13299
mrfixit Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Elm Street Posts: 9,401 Thanks: 165,736 Thanked 114,755 Times in 9,415 Posts	A bird was flying south for the winter, but had left it too late to set off and found itself frozen solid in a blizzard. It dropped to earth in a field of cows, landing in a massive cow pat, just as it was being deposited by the fattest cow in the field. At first, the bird was disgusted until it realized that the pile of poop was actually thawing him out. As the ice melted and his feathers returned to normal, he tweeted joyously, but the sounds were heard by a nearby cat who promptly crept over and ate the bird. There are three morals to this story: 1. Not everyone who gets you into shit is your enemy. 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. 3. If you are in shit, keep your mouth shut. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator?

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April 12th, 2018, 07:03 PM	#13291
petvictor Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 56 Thanks: 1,012 Thanked 701 Times in 50 Posts	My dog"s just turned up at the pub shaking like a leaf,,He knows if i"m not home in 10 minutes he"s getting my dinner,,,,

April 12th, 2018, 11:34 PM	#13294
Jack Rabbit Vintage Member Join Date: Feb 2012 Posts: 563 Thanks: 8,780 Thanked 7,648 Times in 565 Posts	I didn't get that either without explanation. I know the word and the meaning in the comics, so I totally missed the (not so) hidden name in there... Two crazy people walk along the railroad tracks. Says the first one: "Geez, isn't this a long flight of stairs!"

April 13th, 2018, 04:22 AM	#13295
rosestone Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2013 Posts: 2,256 Thanks: 79,772 Thanked 37,952 Times in 2,261 Posts	Doctor - "I'm afraid you're suffering from auto-correct syndrome." Patient - "I didn't even know I was I'll."

April 14th, 2018, 08:58 AM	#13297
PJayBr Vintage Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: In front of my PC with my cock in my hand...... Posts: 1,307 Thanks: 41,330 Thanked 13,668 Times in 1,278 Posts	A woman is sitting at her deceased husband’s funeral. A man leans in to her and asks, “Do you mind if I say a word?”. “No, go right ahead”, the woman replies. The man stands, clears his throat, says “Plethora”, and sits back down. “Thanks”, the woman says, “that means a lot”