Grand Rear Admiral MaxJoker`s Non Conformist Confessional Church Thread - Page 2

MaxJoker · July 9th, 2009, 05:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tabler

I like being a sinner, it comes naturally to me and Im good at it and practice sinning whenever possible!

However I will confess to having a small sherry now and then and spending more time on here than I should.

The fact that you stepped forward and posted speaks volumes for the true inner turmoil that has been plaguing you Tab , i can sense your sadness . I can see the sorrow you feel , at not being able to get your end away 24-7 and the fact your bladder won`t allow you to drink more than than ten pints before forcing you away from the comforting bar and into the urinal.Course we won`t mention the sherry as i didn`t believe that bit , but visiting this forum is a definite sin. Normally around this time i`d i should tell you to say ten hail Marys , instead i`ll just advise you to visit Mary once

Mary

Quote:

Originally Posted by windymiller

I did once have sex with my (ex) girlfiends mum. Well I say 'once', it was actually about half a dozen times. But I do consider myself to have paid suitable penance in light of the cracking right hook to the jaw I recieved from said girlfriend upon the occasion of our last meeting.

Well confessed that member , please consider your immoral soul now spotlessly clean in the impartial eyes of the lord

Quote:

Originally Posted by Estreeter

By the way is it a sin to take a sickie without being sick?
If so I think I need to be cleansed, a lot

No my son , in fact the Holy Forum smiles on those that chose the righteous path of bullshitting the boss to avoid the grind then staying here to unwind

" Be Blessed "

**scoundrel** · July 9th, 2009, 08:05 PM

In 1967, England played 3 cricket test matches against Pakistan and the Pakistani tourists played a number of county sides as well, including Yorkshire at Headingley.

Now...scoundrel was only a little nipper but had been brought up never ever to drop litter so after eating the sandwiches he dutifully found a litter bin. Unfortunately, to reach the litter bin I had to walk behind the bowlers arm just as he was running in to bowl: the batsman naturally sent him back.

To those members for whom cricket is a mystery like Morris Dancing, the act of walking behind the bowlers arm is very bad: men have died for considerably less than this. I cant tell you who the batsman was, but of all people I had to walk behind Fred Trueman.

My father still trembles and hides his face when this incident is mentioned. Fred, who was notorious for his colourful language and extremely frank statements of opinion, did not say a word. But he was quiet in the way that Jack Palance used to be quiet on the silver screen. My father says he's still not sure how he or any of his family got away alive...

**imtrying** · July 9th, 2009, 10:32 PM

I'm a sinner, no question about it. But I admit my sins everytime I post on this forum. My gluttony is admitted on the "Favorite Foods" thread. My lust, envy, greed, jealousy, all have a home on this forum. By the time I log off, I'm cleansed.

JerryFalwell · July 9th, 2009, 10:48 PM

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have coveted other women. Sadly, they haven't coveted me.

**DTravel** · July 9th, 2009, 11:24 PM

I must confess to having a vision of killer robots doing some kind of line dance to the sound of Queen's Another One Bites The Dust.

I blame GreenSkull.

**anklebiter** · July 10th, 2009, 02:49 AM

I'm 100% straight, but there's a gay Iraqi guy who owns Dunkin' Doughnuts near by, who has the hots for me.I dunno what he's saying, but I know he's flirting.....I flirt back-I get free food.Every Saturday morning.He hasn't charged me in like two years.My wife thinks it's mildly creepy, but she eats the doughnuts too

snorkie · July 10th, 2009, 03:43 AM

Before I tell you about the hairy growth on my palms and fading eyesight, I should first admit that I don't have any prayer beads. Hmmm, will these anal things do in a pinch?

MaxJoker · July 10th, 2009, 01:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scoundrel

In 1967, England played 3 cricket test matches against Pakistan and the Pakistani tourists played a number of county sides as well, including Yorkshire at Headingley.
Now...scoundrel was only a little nipper but had been brought up never ever to drop litter so after eating the sandwiches he dutifully found a litter bin. Unfortunately, to reach the litter bin I had to walk behind the bowlers arm just as he was running in to bowl: the batsman naturally sent him back.

Hmmmm a graver sin have i yet heard , still i wasn`t alive then and so had no money on the outcome . Consider yourself absolved Brother Member , in fact your tale touched my cold heart so here`s one of my special sainthood extra credit cards

"Don`t leave life without it"

" Absolution approved "

Quote:

Originally Posted by imtrying

I'm a sinner, no question about it. But I admit my sins everytime I post on this forum. My gluttony is admitted on the "Favorite Foods" thread. My lust, envy, greed, jealousy, all have a home on this forum. By the time I log off, I'm cleansed.

You missed a sin , the sin of PRIDE . As in i`ll tell you whether you`re cleansed or not . By the way you now are , so rejoice !

" Absolution approved "

Quote:

Originally Posted by JerryFalwell

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have coveted other women. Sadly, they haven't coveted me.

Ahhh Jerry truly have you suffered the torments of mankind .This reminds me of the last thing my former Choir Master Mr Burrows said . He said "GreenSkull ,where`d you get that axe fro......". Sorry i mean the second before last , he told me " Always remember women tend to speak before they think so don`t take rejection to heart, just put something in their drink"

" Absolution approved "

Quote:

Originally Posted by DTravel

I must confess to having a vision of killer robots doing some kind of line dance to the sound of Queen's Another One Bites The Dust.

I blame GreenSkull.

You sin is apparent son as is your confusion , especially to try and pin it on me. So try seeing how you enjoy an afterlife listening to Imagination`s "It`s just an illusion"

Absolution Denied

Quote:

Originally Posted by anklebiter

I'm 100% straight, but there's a gay Iraqi guy who owns Dunkin' Doughnuts near by, who has the hots for me.I dunno what he's saying, but I know he's flirting.....I flirt back-I get free food.Every Saturday morning.He hasn't charged me in like two years.My wife thinks it's mildly creepy, but she eats the doughnuts too

A twisted sin alright, still free foods free food providing you can sleep at night . There with a click thy shameful sin for now at least is gone, i just hope the man never expands his range and offers you a foot long

" Absolution approved "

Quote:

Originally Posted by snorkie

Before I tell you about the hairy growth on my palms and fading eyesight, I should first admit that I don't have any prayer beads. Hmmm, will these anal things do in a pinch?

Hair on your palms and fading eyesight ? , no sins there at all just sounds like a genetic condition called blight . As for beads up you backside well to each his own , although since it seems your health is in doubt i`d say be careful it`s not piles , better leave them alone

Absolution Denied

**billybunter** · July 10th, 2009, 02:34 PM

Bless me Father GreenSkull for I have sinned. I promised the missus I would paint the garage and cut the hedges. But I have been sat on my arse all day quaffing wine and surfing the world wide web, a lot of that time spent ogling young ladies undressed.

MaxJoker · July 10th, 2009, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by billybunter

Bless me Father GreenSkull for I have sinned. I promised the missus I would paint the garage and cut the hedges. But I have been sat on my arse all day quaffing wine and surfing the world wide web, a lot of that time spent ogling young ladies undressed.

To hell with those pale sins !, you`ve already committed the worst of all my child ,forgetfulness ! .

As in you have failed in your donation duties to thank your fellow members on this thread , and worse of all you haven`t thanked it`s originator

" Did i nail myself to that crossing guard for nothing ! "

Absolution denied

July 9th, 2009, 08:05 PM	#12
scoundrel Super Moderator Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: England Posts: 26,234 Thanks: 162,375 Thanked 278,379 Times in 26,179 Posts	Peccavi In 1967, England played 3 cricket test matches against Pakistan and the Pakistani tourists played a number of county sides as well, including Yorkshire at Headingley. Now...scoundrel was only a little nipper but had been brought up never ever to drop litter so after eating the sandwiches he dutifully found a litter bin. Unfortunately, to reach the litter bin I had to walk behind the bowlers arm just as he was running in to bowl: the batsman naturally sent him back. To those members for whom cricket is a mystery like Morris Dancing, the act of walking behind the bowlers arm is very bad: men have died for considerably less than this. I cant tell you who the batsman was, but of all people I had to walk behind Fred Trueman. My father still trembles and hides his face when this incident is mentioned. Fred, who was notorious for his colourful language and extremely frank statements of opinion, did not say a word. But he was quiet in the way that Jack Palance used to be quiet on the silver screen. My father says he's still not sure how he or any of his family got away alive... __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Last edited by scoundrel; July 9th, 2009 at 08:27 PM..

July 9th, 2009, 11:24 PM	#15
DTravel Lean Mean Screencap Machine Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Better you don't know. Posts: 23,788 Thanks: 10,479 Thanked 207,205 Times in 23,697 Posts	I must confess to having a vision of killer robots doing some kind of line dance to the sound of Queen's Another One Bites The Dust. I blame GreenSkull. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I rage and weep for my country. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I can reup screencaps, other material might have been lost.

July 10th, 2009, 03:43 AM	#17
snorkie Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Gizmonics Institute Posts: 521 Thanks: 2,711 Thanked 4,566 Times in 510 Posts	Before I tell you about the hairy growth on my palms and fading eyesight, I should first admit that I don't have any prayer beads. Hmmm, will these anal things do in a pinch? __________________ Searching for Swedish Erotica #0186 - SWING TIME (John Holmes, Johnny Keyes). Also, PLEASURE CRUISE (Andrea True, Harry Reems).

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July 9th, 2009, 10:32 PM	#13
imtrying Vintage Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 1,068 Thanks: 14,832 Thanked 17,238 Times in 1,043 Posts	I'm a sinner, no question about it. But I admit my sins everytime I post on this forum. My gluttony is admitted on the "Favorite Foods" thread. My lust, envy, greed, jealousy, all have a home on this forum. By the time I log off, I'm cleansed.

July 9th, 2009, 10:48 PM	#14
JerryFalwell Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 116 Thanks: 81 Thanked 724 Times in 114 Posts	Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have coveted other women. Sadly, they haven't coveted me.

July 10th, 2009, 02:49 AM	#16
anklebiter Palerider Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: United States Posts: 509 Thanks: 5,603 Thanked 9,861 Times in 515 Posts	I'm 100% straight, but there's a gay Iraqi guy who owns Dunkin' Doughnuts near by, who has the hots for me.I dunno what he's saying, but I know he's flirting.....I flirt back-I get free food.Every Saturday morning.He hasn't charged me in like two years.My wife thinks it's mildly creepy, but she eats the doughnuts too

July 10th, 2009, 02:34 PM	#19
billybunter R.I.P. Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Gone But Not Forgotten Posts: 14,404 Thanks: 51,687 Thanked 252,369 Times in 14,171 Posts	Bless me Father GreenSkull for I have sinned. I promised the missus I would paint the garage and cut the hedges. But I have been sat on my arse all day quaffing wine and surfing the world wide web, a lot of that time spent ogling young ladies undressed.