Post your corny jokes - Page 834

**gedly** · August 3rd, 2014, 10:30 AM

My wife put her arms around me and whispered in my ear, "Let's go to the bedroom sweetie and play with our favourite toys". I reply, "Oh, I don't know, I doubt my Hornby train set will fit on the bedroom floor".

**Jeff Vader** · August 3rd, 2014, 01:20 PM

Me and my mates are in a band called Duvet.

We're a cover band.

**Jonno71** · August 3rd, 2014, 02:47 PM

The wife wasn't too happy when I came home today with a stray dog.

Her name is Maria, 23 years old, blonde and I found her on the car park to the local common.

**retroanalyst** · August 3rd, 2014, 05:21 PM

Most people hate eavesdroppers,

or so I hear.

**tamsmith** · August 3rd, 2014, 10:37 PM

An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup when the doctor asked how he was feeling.

"I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an 18 year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day he went out in a bit of a hurry and accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun."

The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.

Dumbfounded, the old man replied, "No, what?"

The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him."

"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must've shot the bear."

"That's kind of what I'm getting at ," replied the doctor.

**tamsmith** · August 3rd, 2014, 10:39 PM

Job Interview

Human Resources Manager: "What is your greatest weakness?"

Old Man : "Honesty."

Human Resources Manager: "I don't think honesty is a weakness."

Old Man : "I don't really give a fuck what you think."

**Threadbanger** · August 4th, 2014, 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gedly

My wife put her arms around me and whispered in my ear, "Let's go to the bedroom sweetie and play with our favourite toys". I reply, "Oh, I don't know, I doubt my Hornby train set will fit on the bedroom floor".

If it was me, I would let her blow my whistle as my engine was about to enter the tunnel . .

**Threadbanger** · August 4th, 2014, 12:02 PM

A lump of gold goes into a bar.
The bartender points at the lump and shouts:
"A U, get out of here

**Threadbanger** · August 4th, 2014, 12:10 PM

A lonely chloride ion meets a passing sodium ion, grabs hold and refuses to let go.
In a panic, the sodium ion shouts: "Hey, that's a-salt!"

**Jeff Vader** · August 4th, 2014, 05:48 PM

Just heard that Girls Aloud are playing Newcastle in August.

They are expected to win 3-0

August 3rd, 2014, 01:20 PM	#8332
Jeff Vader Moderator (Retired) Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Cheam AKA the land of Cheese and Canals Posts: 6,352 Thanks: 156,898 Thanked 140,031 Times in 6,511 Posts	Me and my mates are in a band called Duvet. We're a cover band. __________________ Please read the To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Model ID To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. :

August 3rd, 2014, 05:21 PM	#8334
retroanalyst in memoriam Max Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Germany Posts: 3,586 Thanks: 122,087 Thanked 47,469 Times in 3,337 Posts	Most people hate eavesdroppers, or so I hear. __________________ Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

August 4th, 2014, 05:48 PM	#8340
Jeff Vader Moderator (Retired) Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Cheam AKA the land of Cheese and Canals Posts: 6,352 Thanks: 156,898 Thanked 140,031 Times in 6,511 Posts	Just heard that Girls Aloud are playing Newcastle in August. They are expected to win 3-0 __________________ Please read the To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Model ID To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. :

August 3rd, 2014, 10:30 AM	#8331
gedly Veteran Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 3,236 Thanks: 19,906 Thanked 69,349 Times in 3,173 Posts	My wife put her arms around me and whispered in my ear, "Let's go to the bedroom sweetie and play with our favourite toys". I reply, "Oh, I don't know, I doubt my Hornby train set will fit on the bedroom floor".

August 3rd, 2014, 02:47 PM	#8333
Jonno71 Vintage Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Right here... Right now. Posts: 1,497 Thanks: 8,831 Thanked 75,964 Times in 1,503 Posts	The wife wasn't too happy when I came home today with a stray dog. Her name is Maria, 23 years old, blonde and I found her on the car park to the local common.

August 3rd, 2014, 10:37 PM	#8335
tamsmith Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Coming close to the Slippery Slope. Posts: 7,800 Thanks: 77,915 Thanked 280,434 Times in 9,078 Posts	An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup when the doctor asked how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an 18 year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?" The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day he went out in a bit of a hurry and accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun." The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried. Dumbfounded, the old man replied, "No, what?" The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him." "That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must've shot the bear." "That's kind of what I'm getting at ," replied the doctor.

August 3rd, 2014, 10:39 PM	#8336
tamsmith Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Coming close to the Slippery Slope. Posts: 7,800 Thanks: 77,915 Thanked 280,434 Times in 9,078 Posts	Job Interview Human Resources Manager: "What is your greatest weakness?" Old Man : "Honesty." Human Resources Manager: "I don't think honesty is a weakness." Old Man : "I don't really give a fuck what you think."