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Old 03-01-2018, 07:44 AM   #13401
Mal Hombre
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In a similar vein,
A Steeplejack is at the top of a factory chimney and He needs His hacksaw,So He shouts down to His young female assistant but She can't hear Him.He gestures making sawing motions,She points to Him.Her left breast,Her bottom and Her groin ,He repeats His mime,She repeats Hers,Finally He comes down,"What are You doing ? I need the hacksaw" She replies "I said YOU - LEFT TIT - BEHIND - CUNT."
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It is a porn site,But it's a Classy porn site.
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Old 03-01-2018, 01:34 PM   #13402
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A beautiful woman approaches a pharmacist and asks, "Do you have extra large condoms?" The pharmacist replies, "Yes, aisle 11." The blonde goes to the aisle. But about 30 minutes later she is still looking at the condoms. The pharmacist calls over to her, "Do you need some help?" The woman replies, "No, I'm just waiting for somebody to buy them."
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Old 03-01-2018, 03:57 PM   #13403
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Charlie was invited to his friend and wife’s house. They were eating dinner when Charlie dropped his napkin. He reached down to pick it up and he saw that the wife had her legs wide open with no panties on. Quite flustered Charlie excused himself from the table and went to the kitchen.
To his utter surprise the wife came in and said: “did you like what you saw?”
Charlie smiled and said “yes” he looked towards where the husband was sat.
“Well come tomorrow at lunch and bring $500 and you can explore the rest”, the wife said.
Charlie knew that he couldn’t afford to spend the night with her.
“Okay, but what about your husband?”
The wife gave out a little sigh and said: “oh don’t worry about him, he’ll be at work”
The next day Charlie turned up to the wife’s house with the money and banged her. Charlie left and the husband came back home.
He asked: “Did Charlie come over today?”
Thinking she had been caught she said: “yes”
The husband carried on: “did he give you the whole $500?”
“Yes”.
The husband let out a huff: “phewww, he came by my work today and asked me
for the money, he didn’t tell me why but I gave it to him and he said he would drop it off with you around lunch”.
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Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator?
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Old 03-01-2018, 05:56 PM   #13404
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A weasel walks into a pub.

The bartender looks up and says “Wow! In all my years of tending bar, I’ve never had a weasel stop by, what can I get for you?’

“Pop,” goes the weasel.
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Old 03-01-2018, 10:59 PM   #13405
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On the eight day God created VEF and on the ninth he ran out of tissues.
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Old 03-02-2018, 01:22 AM   #13406
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Leopards are perfectly camouflaged for spotty vegetation.
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Old 03-02-2018, 12:22 PM   #13407
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The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing her students on sexual morality. "We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation," she said. "Ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?" A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, "Excuse me, but how do you make it last for an hour?"
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Old 03-02-2018, 11:31 PM   #13408
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I went to see my 80 year old neighbour today. I asked if she wanted anything from the supermarket. She said yes so I gave her a list of some things I needed. I mean, both of us can't be going out in this cold weather.
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Old 03-03-2018, 03:26 PM   #13409
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A guy walks into a bar and spots a beautiful Native American Woman sitting at the bar, The man says to the bartender that he wants to buy the woman a drink. The bartender refuses. The man asks why. The bartender says that he'll get in trouble with the CP.

"What's the CP?" asks the man. "City Police", replies the bartender. Ten minutes later, the man asks the bartender again to get the woman a drink on him. The bartender says that he'll get in trouble with the SP.

"What's the SP?" asks the man. "State Police", replies the bartender.

Ten minutes later the woman exits the bar and soon after the man follows. A half hour later the man reappears at the bar but looks like a tornado hit him, with his face bruised and his shirt and pants all torn.

"What the hell happend to you?, asked the bartender. The man answered that he got in trouble with the F B I! "What's the F B I stand for!" said the bartender. "FUCKING BIG INDIAN!!" yelled the man.
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"I am immortal now so watch out you freaks!"--- Shirley Manson
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Old 03-03-2018, 03:31 PM   #13410
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A man was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him. The officer looked in the back of the man's truck and said, "Why are these penguins in your truck?" The man replied, "These are my penguins. They belong to me." "You need to take them to the zoo," the policeman said.

The next day, the officer saw the same guy driving down the road. He pulled him over again. He saw the penguins were still in the truck, but they were wearing sunglasses this time. "I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!" the officer said. "I did," the man replied. "And today I'm taking them to the beach."
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