Register on the forum now to remove ALL ads + popups + get access to tons of hidden content for members only!
vintage erotica forum vintage erotica forum vintage erotica forum
vintage erotica forum

Go Back   Vintage Erotica Forums > Discussion & Talk Forum > Funnies

Follow Vintage Erotica Forum on Twitter
Best Porn Sites Meet Our Girls Register FAQ Members List Calendar Mark Forums Read

Notices
Funnies Got a joke or something funny that you want to share? Post it here!


Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 02-27-2018, 09:29 AM   #13401
Solid
Senior Member
 
Solid's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 195
Thanks: 16,575
Thanked 2,521 Times in 195 Posts
Solid 10000+Solid 10000+Solid 10000+Solid 10000+Solid 10000+Solid 10000+Solid 10000+Solid 10000+Solid 10000+Solid 10000+Solid 10000+
Default

"Anything that can be shredded and mixed with mayonnaise, will be shredded and mixed with mayonnaise" -

Cole's Law
__________________
Cheese with everything!
Solid is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-27-2018, 11:46 AM   #13402
trailmaster
Veteran Member
 
trailmaster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA
Posts: 19,236
Thanks: 1,002,506
Thanked 199,311 Times in 19,355 Posts
trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+
Smile

I was sitting on my own in a restaurant when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note: "I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pants." So I wrote back: "Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone."
trailmaster is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 17 Users Say Thank You to trailmaster For This Useful Post:
Old 02-28-2018, 01:58 AM   #13403
mrfixit
Vintage Member
 
mrfixit's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Elm Street
Posts: 2,316
Thanks: 73,825
Thanked 24,452 Times in 2,331 Posts
mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+
Default

After having failed his exam, a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.
Student: “Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?”
Professor: “Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!”
Student: “Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you to give me an “A” for the Exam.”
Professor: “Okay, it’s a deal. So what is the question?”
Student: “What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?”
Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an “A”, as agreed.
Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.
He immediately answers:
“Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 17 Year old lover, which is logical but not legal.
The fact that you have given your wife’s lover an “A”, although he really should have failed, is neither legal nor logical.”
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator?
mrfixit is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 15 Users Say Thank You to mrfixit For This Useful Post:
Old 02-28-2018, 02:01 AM   #13404
mrfixit
Vintage Member
 
mrfixit's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Elm Street
Posts: 2,316
Thanks: 73,825
Thanked 24,452 Times in 2,331 Posts
mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+
Default

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me,
April, who created the universe?” When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. “GOD ALMIGHTY!” shouted April and the teacher said, “Very good” and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, “Who is our Lord and Saviour,”
But, April didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. “JESUS CHRIST!” shouted April and the teacher said, “very good,” and
April fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question. “What did
Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, “IF YOU STICK THAT FUCKING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!”
The Teacher fainted.
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator?
mrfixit is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 17 Users Say Thank You to mrfixit For This Useful Post:
Old 02-28-2018, 11:42 AM   #13405
trailmaster
Veteran Member
 
trailmaster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA
Posts: 19,236
Thanks: 1,002,506
Thanked 199,311 Times in 19,355 Posts
trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+
Smile

Doctor Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while, he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice that said, "Dave, don't worry about it. You're not the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go." But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality, whispering "Dave, you're a veterinarian..."
trailmaster is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 15 Users Say Thank You to trailmaster For This Useful Post:
Old 03-01-2018, 04:23 AM   #13406
mrfixit
Vintage Member
 
mrfixit's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Elm Street
Posts: 2,316
Thanks: 73,825
Thanked 24,452 Times in 2,331 Posts
mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+
Default

A man is doing yard work and his wife is about to take a shower. The man realizes that he can’t find the rake. He yells up to his wife, “Where is the rake?”
She can’t hear him and shouts back, “What?”
The man first points to his eye, then points to his knee and finally makes a raking motion. The wife is not sure and says, “What?” The man repeats his gestures, mouthing “EYE KNEE – THE RAKE.”
The wife replies that she understands and signals back. She first points to her eye, next she points to her left breast, then she points to her butt, and finally to her crotch. Well, there is no way in hell the man can even come close on that one.
Exasperated, he goes upstairs and asks her, “What in the heck was that?”
She replies, “EYE – LEFT TIT – BEHIND – THE BUSH”
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator?
mrfixit is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 19 Users Say Thank You to mrfixit For This Useful Post:
Old 03-01-2018, 06:44 AM   #13407
Mal Hombre
El Super Moderador
 
Mal Hombre's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Deepest Hampshire
Posts: 34,139
Thanks: 432,580
Thanked 472,867 Times in 34,479 Posts
Mal Hombre 1000000+Mal Hombre 1000000+Mal Hombre 1000000+Mal Hombre 1000000+Mal Hombre 1000000+Mal Hombre 1000000+Mal Hombre 1000000+Mal Hombre 1000000+Mal Hombre 1000000+Mal Hombre 1000000+Mal Hombre 1000000+
Default

In a similar vein,
A Steeplejack is at the top of a factory chimney and He needs His hacksaw,So He shouts down to His young female assistant but She can't hear Him.He gestures making sawing motions,She points to Him.Her left breast,Her bottom and Her groin ,He repeats His mime,She repeats Hers,Finally He comes down,"What are You doing ? I need the hacksaw" She replies "I said YOU - LEFT TIT - BEHIND - CUNT."
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


The nakedness of woman is the work of God-William Blake

It is a porn site,But it's a Classy porn site.
Mal Hombre
Mal Hombre is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 14 Users Say Thank You to Mal Hombre For This Useful Post:
Old 03-01-2018, 12:34 PM   #13408
trailmaster
Veteran Member
 
trailmaster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA
Posts: 19,236
Thanks: 1,002,506
Thanked 199,311 Times in 19,355 Posts
trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+
Smile

A beautiful woman approaches a pharmacist and asks, "Do you have extra large condoms?" The pharmacist replies, "Yes, aisle 11." The blonde goes to the aisle. But about 30 minutes later she is still looking at the condoms. The pharmacist calls over to her, "Do you need some help?" The woman replies, "No, I'm just waiting for somebody to buy them."
trailmaster is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 16 Users Say Thank You to trailmaster For This Useful Post:
Old 03-01-2018, 02:57 PM   #13409
mrfixit
Vintage Member
 
mrfixit's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Elm Street
Posts: 2,316
Thanks: 73,825
Thanked 24,452 Times in 2,331 Posts
mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+mrfixit 100000+
Default

Charlie was invited to his friend and wife’s house. They were eating dinner when Charlie dropped his napkin. He reached down to pick it up and he saw that the wife had her legs wide open with no panties on. Quite flustered Charlie excused himself from the table and went to the kitchen.
To his utter surprise the wife came in and said: “did you like what you saw?”
Charlie smiled and said “yes” he looked towards where the husband was sat.
“Well come tomorrow at lunch and bring $500 and you can explore the rest”, the wife said.
Charlie knew that he couldn’t afford to spend the night with her.
“Okay, but what about your husband?”
The wife gave out a little sigh and said: “oh don’t worry about him, he’ll be at work”
The next day Charlie turned up to the wife’s house with the money and banged her. Charlie left and the husband came back home.
He asked: “Did Charlie come over today?”
Thinking she had been caught she said: “yes”
The husband carried on: “did he give you the whole $500?”
“Yes”.
The husband let out a huff: “phewww, he came by my work today and asked me
for the money, he didn’t tell me why but I gave it to him and he said he would drop it off with you around lunch”.
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator?
mrfixit is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 15 Users Say Thank You to mrfixit For This Useful Post:
Old 03-01-2018, 04:56 PM   #13410
bp666
Vintage Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 600
Thanks: 23,483
Thanked 7,412 Times in 603 Posts
bp666 25000+bp666 25000+bp666 25000+bp666 25000+bp666 25000+bp666 25000+bp666 25000+bp666 25000+bp666 25000+bp666 25000+bp666 25000+
Default

A weasel walks into a pub.

The bartender looks up and says “Wow! In all my years of tending bar, I’ve never had a weasel stop by, what can I get for you?’

“Pop,” goes the weasel.
bp666 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 17 Users Say Thank You to bp666 For This Useful Post:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump




All times are GMT. The time now is 09:11 AM.






vBulletin Optimisation provided by vB Optimise v2.6.1 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2018 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.