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Old 08-06-2012, 05:21 PM   #1
corsair
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Default Favorite Insults, Slams, and Put-downs...

OK, All - Here is my first attempt at starting a thread. Did various and sundry searches, but didn't get any relevant hits.

I'm looking for your favorite insults. Insults in languages other than English are welcome (bonus points if you include a phonetic pronunciation).

My personal favorites are very rarely verbalized, and only then when I am absolutely sure that I can run faster than the person that I am insulting. This is getting more and more difficult as the years pass.

On to my faves:

"The best part of you ran down your mother's leg."

"I would have been your father, but the dog beat me over the fence."

On a milder note:

"He couldn't find his ass with both hands tied behind his back."

And, of course, the ultimate:
"Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries."

Regards from Florida,
Corsair
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Old 05-14-2014, 02:56 PM   #2
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Default insults / put downs

any funny insults out there that anyone would like to share ?
heres 3 to get the ball rolling .

so stupid they make make two short planks look like a computer
face like a blind cobblers thumb
fanny like a hippos yawn

come to think of it them 3 is an exact description of my last girlfriend ?

anybody else got some funny insults out there ?
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Old 05-14-2014, 03:26 PM   #3
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I don't like insults or insulting people but I admit that I have met people that, amazingly, fit these two descriptions:

She can't count her tits and get the same answer twice.

He should be disqualified from the human race for pushing.
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Old 05-14-2014, 04:29 PM   #4
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I worry about him, he's breathing my air.
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Old 05-14-2014, 04:38 PM   #5
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If dumb was dirt, he'd cover an acre and a half.
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Old 05-15-2014, 06:38 AM   #6
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This man is depriving a village of it's idiot.
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Old 05-15-2014, 06:41 AM   #7
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A few from my first boss...

If brains were dynamite he couldn't blow his fucking hat off.

He shot his brains out the eye of his cock.

That bastard would steal the cross off Christ.

He's so stingy he'd pick the peanuts out of shit.
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Old 05-15-2014, 10:25 AM   #8
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He'd steal the bridle off a nightmare
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Old 05-15-2014, 12:24 PM   #9
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Default Oldie but a good'n

That fu<ker is so dim, when he walks in the room he makes it go dark.


..and not really a put down, but a remark a Turkish friend makes which makes me grin ,
"shut the fuck off, fckn dickhed"
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Old 05-15-2014, 12:41 PM   #10
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Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by NIN View Post
...and not really a put down, but a remark a Turkish friend makes which makes me grin ,
"shut the fuck off, fckn dickhed"
Reminds me of this Turk...

From the transcript of a pre-trial hearing that took place in a criminal court in Adelaide, Australia, before Judge Roy Grubb. In the transcript below, a prisoner is Yusuf Biyikli, a Turkish immigrant charged with "assault occasioning actual bodily harm" - Mr Smart is the attorney for the Crown.

(The charge is read)

PRISONER: Shut up, fucking poofter. You poofter, thank you.

HIS HONOR: You just keep quiet, we will have a word with you in a moment.

PRISONER: Fuck to you. All right, you poofter. All right, I fuck you. That is answer.

HIS HONOR: It is said that you assaulted....

PRISONER: Fuck the English, fuck the colony, all right.

HIS HONOR: If you don't shut up.....

PRISONER: Fuck the judge too. That is not true.

HIS HONOR: Do we assume this is a plea of not guilty?

MR SMART: Yes, I think we can assume that.

PRISONER: I fuck you, answer you, stuff you, poofter. Is that enough for you answer?

HIS HONOR: That is no answer, but I take it as a plea of not guilty. In view of the outrageous outburst from the accused, I assume that the torrent of language from him is a plea of not guilty to each count. Remanded for trial. Has someone been imprudent enough to grant a bail agreement?

MR SMART: I hesitate to ask him.

PRISONER: Fuck you.

HIS HONOR: Do you wish to ask for bail?

PRISONER: You ask yourself bail, poofter. Now ask me.

HIS HONOR: I don't have to ask.

PRISONER: Fuck the bail, fuck Australia.

HIS HONOR: I take it, then, that you don't wish to seek bail.

PRISONER: Stuff that.

HIS HONOR: No application for bail. The accused is remanded for trial in custody.

PRISONER: Fucking bastard, poofter, melon-arse.
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