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February 9th, 2010, 11:31 PM | #11 |
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more "warnings" still
Toilet Plunger
Caution: Do not use near power lines. Dremel Electric Rotary Tool This product not intended for use as a dental drill. Bowl Fresh Safe to use around pets and children, although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet. Sleeping Pills Warning: May cause Drowsiness Christmas Lights Warning: For indoor or outdoor use only. Komatsu Floodlight This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark Hair Coloring Do not use as an ice cream topping. Wet-Nap Directions: Tear open packet and use. Stridex Foaming Face Wash May contain foam. Mattress Warning: Do not attempt to swallow Matches Caution: Contents may catch fire. Rain Gauge Suitable for outdoor use. RCA Television Remote Control Not Dishwasher Safe Pine Mountain Fire Logs Caution: Risk of fire Triops Fish Food Warning: Not for human consumption Home Depot Treated Lumber Do not consume Children's Superman Costume Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. Slush Puppy Cup This ice may be cold American Airlines Peanuts Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. Nabisco Easy Cheese For best results, remove cap Hershey's Almond Bar Warning: May contain traces of nuts Heinz Ketchup Instructions: Put on food Hotel provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head. Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. |
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February 9th, 2010, 11:32 PM | #12 |
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last warnings for now
Heinz Ketchup
Instructions: Put on food Hotel provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head. Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery Blanket from Taiwan: not to be used as protection from a tornado Cardboard windshield sun shade: Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place. Infant's bathtub: Do not throw baby out with bath water Toner cartridge for a laser printer Do not eat toner. A toilet bowl cleaning brush. Do not use orally. Portable stroller Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage. Sign at a railroad station Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted. Shipment of hammers May be harmful if swallowed. Electric Thermometer. Do not use orally after using rectally. Small print from car commercial which shows a car in the ocean Do not drive cars in ocean. Instructions on the packaging for a muffin at a 7-11 Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat. Woolite carpet cleaner Safe for carpets, too! Bottle of bathtub cleaner For best results, start with clean bathtub before use. Car Manual In order to get out of car, open door, get out, lock doors, and then close doors. |
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May 2nd, 2010, 05:40 AM | #13 |
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On heart medication patch: Remove old patch before applying new one.
On a childrens toy: Replace old batteries with new ones. Pet hair trimmers: Not tested on animals.(How do they know it works on pet hair?)
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June 17th, 2010, 10:38 AM | #14 |
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On a drill: Do not opperate drill while tightening the chuck.
: Do not use drill under water. (Darwin at work) : Coution drill bits may be hot after use. (duh) Seat massager: Do not use in bath. (Darwin again) : Do not use if the electrical plug is missing. (???) |
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June 17th, 2010, 10:13 PM | #15 |
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A kettle was removed from the office I used to work in and reappeared two hours later with a sticker that read:
Caution! The water may be very hot. Kettle. Water. Aw, get away with you.
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September 6th, 2010, 09:53 AM | #16 |
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I bought a windo fan a few days ago and in the warning section of the instructions it said "not to be used in a windo" (???)
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September 6th, 2010, 03:21 PM | #17 |
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I worked at a restaurant and one of our food processors said on the bundt-cake top, "Do not remove blade with top in place."
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September 15th, 2010, 08:51 AM | #18 |
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Qantas Airline
Apparently, after every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet', which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' Pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers. Pilots: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. Engineers: Almost replaced left inside main tire. Pilots: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. Engineers: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. Pilots: Something loose in cockpit. Engineers: Something tightened in cockpit. Pilots: Dead bugs on windshield. Engineers: Live bugs on back-order. Pilots: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. Engineers: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. Pilots: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. Engineers: Evidence removed. Pilots: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. Engineers: That's what they're for. Pilots: Suspected crack in windshield. Engineers: Suspect you're right. More Exchanges between Qantas Pilots and their Engineers »Pilots: Number 3 engine missing. Engineers: Engine found on right wing after brief search. Pilots: Aircraft handles funny. Engineers: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. Pilots: Target radar hums Engineers: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. Pilots: Mouse in cockpit. Engineers: Cat installed. And perhaps, the best Qantas joke... Qantas Pilot: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. Engineers: Took hammer away from midget The following letter was written by a retired Qantas pilot to his former colleagues: Dear All, Please find enclosed a home study simulator course [HSSC] for those of you who still hunger for the romance and adventure of airline travel. If you follow all the steps in this HSSC you will experience that 'Romance and Adventure.' 1] Do not go to bed 2] Sit in your most uncomfortable chair, preferably in a cupboard, for 9 or 10 hours facing a 4 foot wide panoramic photo of a flight deck 3] Have two or three noisy vacuum cleaners on high, out of sight but within hearing distance and operating throughout the night. If a vacuum cleaner fails, do the appropriate restart checklist 4] Halfway through your nocturnal simulator course, arrange for a bright spotlight to shine directly into your face for two or three hours, simulating flying eastbound into the sunrise 5] Have bland overcooked food served on a tray halfway through the night 6] Have cold cups of coffee delivered from time to time, and ask your spouse to slam the door frequently 7] At the time when you must heed nature's call, force yourself to stand outside the bathroom door for at least ten minutes, transferring your weight from leg to leg, teasing the discomfort. Don't forget to wear your hat. 8] Leave the cupboard after the prescribed nine or ten hours and turn on your sprinklers in the garden and stand out in the cold and "rain", for twenty minutes, simulating the wait for the crew car 9] Head for your bedroom, wet through and with your suitcase and flight bag. Stand outside the door till your wife gets up and leaves, simulating the wait while the maid makes up the hotel room 10] When your spouse inquires, 'Just what in the hell have you been doing?' just say, 'Recalling the allure of all night flying to romantic places.' as you collapse into bed 11] If you are a purist, make this a two-day trip instead of a turn-around, so do this two nights in a row. Above all 'Enjoy Yourselves.' Regards.......................Jim Retired. |
September 15th, 2010, 09:01 AM | #19 |
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How to Shower
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. 2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. 3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror--make mental note?must do more sit-ups. 4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth,leg cloth, long loofah,wide loofah and pumice stone. 5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. 6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. 7. Condition your hair with Grapefruit Mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes. 8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red. 9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash. 10. Rinse conditioner off hair (you must make sure that it has all come off). 11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead. 12. Scream loudly when your husband flushes the toilet and you lose the water pressure. 13. Turn off shower. 14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. 15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel. 16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit, tweeze hairs. 17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. 18. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas and then sashay to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed. HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN: 1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. 2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the "woo-woo" sound. 3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror and scratch your ass. 4. Get in the shower. 5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one). 6. Wash your face. 7. Wash your armpits. 8. Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just rinse it off. 9. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower. 10. Majority of time is spent washing your privates and surrounding area. 11. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs on the soap bar. 12. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner). 13. Make a shampoo Mohawk. 14. Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself in the mirror again. 15. Pee (in the shower). 16. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time. 17. Partially dry off. 18. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire wiener size again. 19. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor. 20. Leave bathroom fan and light on. 21. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, shake wiener at her, and make the "woo-woo" sound again. 22. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed again Last edited by Emnky; January 20th, 2011 at 09:47 AM.. |
December 12th, 2010, 02:35 PM | #20 |
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I bought my sister a computer for christmas and looked at the info that came with it.In the warning section it states "not to be used in the shower". (???)
computer + water = a nasty shock that will kill you. |
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