Words Of Wisdom - Page 11

**mrfixit** · June 21st, 2010, 10:37 AM

When drinking sit down before you fall down.Your butt will thank you later.

jmishi · July 1st, 2010, 12:16 PM

When breaking up, make sure she doesn't go away mad--
Make sure she goes away!

**bfg9000** · July 2nd, 2010, 11:00 PM

Technology is as good as the electricity allows it to be

**mrfixit** · July 8th, 2010, 05:31 AM

**bfg9000** · August 5th, 2010, 12:01 AM

"We Australians think that drinking your American beer is like making love in a canoe. It's fucking close to water!!!" - Eric Idle, Monty Python's Flying Circus,
Philosophy Department of Wallamaloo sketch

**tygrkhat40** · August 9th, 2010, 09:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bfg9000

"We Australians think that drinking your American beer is like making love in a canoe. It's fucking close to water!!!" - Eric Idle, Monty Python's Flying Circus,
Philosophy Department of Wallamaloo sketch

Coors Light. The ultimate making love in a canoe beer. A watery version of a watery beer.

nerf-herder · August 9th, 2010, 09:29 PM

I've just found out where women mostly have curly hair. Apparently it's Africa

**tygrkhat40** · August 9th, 2010, 09:43 PM

1. A virgin don't ever drive a Z28.
2. Never bet the ranch on your prostate.
3. If it's got an Adam's Apple it's probably a man.
4. Never trust a gay gypsy with the palm of your hand.
5. She didn't accidentally get good in bed.
6. You can't join the church if you're already dead.
7. A work uniform ain't totally nude.
8. Brim and bass ain't seafood.
9. If there's guns in the house, one better be yours.
10. Don't be naked next to any fishing lures.
11. If the girl's got cookies, she's a little too young.
12. If your say "I do," be the ugly one.
13. Don't ever let a bald man borrow your comb.
14. Never play strip poker in a nursing home.
15. Don't blame your pallbearers if they don't show, if you're buried in the middle of the Super Bowl.
16. Let people borrow money, they'll leave you alone.
17. Never fry bacon without a shirt on.
18. Never spray water on a hornet's nest.
19. A woman rarely aces the driver's test.
20. The sign probably don't really mean "massage."
21. Never threaten anybody in camouflage.
22. Say you love her until she lays down the butcher knife.
23. Never put the move on the boss's wife.
24. She's messin' around on you if your briefs don't fit.
25. Never trust a hitchhiker to babysit.
26. Cosmo's never in a happy home.
27. You can't cut a deal with a kidney stone.
28. A politician ain't got an HMO.
29. "Washing her hair" means she don't want to go.
30. Don't ridicule a biker about his tattoo.
31. If you've been married ten times, hell, maybe it's you.
32. "Doom" ain't the same as "Donkey Kong."
33. If he's wearing high heels, you might have raised him wrong.
34. The clinic ain't the best place to pick up dates.
35. Don't rent a room from a man named "Bates."
36. A tank top's never on a billionaire.
37. Stevie Ray Vaughan missed a note here and there.
38. How many get to heaven, no one knows.
39. But hell'll be asses and elbows.

Tim Wilson

**bfg9000** · August 12th, 2010, 11:42 PM

"In other words, if you cut the balls off, it don't work anymore." - Jamie Hyneman, Mythbusters "Elevator of Death" episode

**Glen Quagmire** · April 26th, 2014, 09:51 PM

A thread where we share the things we've learned the hard way.

I'll start with...
When a lady has been serving food with candle light, it is no fault on the electricity.

July 2nd, 2010, 11:00 PM	#103
bfg9000 Vintage Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: In between Shirley Manson's thighs mostly Posts: 683 Thanks: 11,930 Thanked 7,322 Times in 645 Posts	Technology is as good as the electricity allows it to be __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. ] To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. "I am the head of my state, the minister of my own church" --- Shirley Manson "I am immortal now so watch out you freaks!"--- Shirley Manson

August 5th, 2010, 12:01 AM	#105
bfg9000 Vintage Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: In between Shirley Manson's thighs mostly Posts: 683 Thanks: 11,930 Thanked 7,322 Times in 645 Posts	"We Australians think that drinking your American beer is like making love in a canoe. It's fucking close to water!!!" - Eric Idle, Monty Python's Flying Circus, Philosophy Department of Wallamaloo sketch __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. ] To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. "I am the head of my state, the minister of my own church" --- Shirley Manson "I am immortal now so watch out you freaks!"--- Shirley Manson

August 12th, 2010, 11:42 PM	#109
bfg9000 Vintage Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: In between Shirley Manson's thighs mostly Posts: 683 Thanks: 11,930 Thanked 7,322 Times in 645 Posts	"In other words, if you cut the balls off, it don't work anymore." - Jamie Hyneman, Mythbusters "Elevator of Death" episode __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. ] To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. "I am the head of my state, the minister of my own church" --- Shirley Manson "I am immortal now so watch out you freaks!"--- Shirley Manson

April 26th, 2014, 09:51 PM	#110
Glen Quagmire Super Moderator Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: Quahog Posts: 7,850 Thanks: 349,750 Thanked 135,783 Times in 7,868 Posts	Note to self. A thread where we share the things we've learned the hard way. I'll start with... When a lady has been serving food with candle light, it is no fault on the electricity. __________________ If a image or a link is broken, please send me a pm so I can fix it. Giggidy giggidy! To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

June 21st, 2010, 10:37 AM	#101
mrfixit Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Elm Street Posts: 9,401 Thanks: 166,037 Thanked 114,859 Times in 9,416 Posts	When drinking sit down before you fall down.Your butt will thank you later.

July 1st, 2010, 12:16 PM	#102
jmishi Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 34 Thanks: 969 Thanked 330 Times in 32 Posts	When breaking up, make sure she doesn't go away mad-- Make sure she goes away!

July 8th, 2010, 05:31 AM	#104
mrfixit Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Elm Street Posts: 9,401 Thanks: 166,037 Thanked 114,859 Times in 9,416 Posts

August 9th, 2010, 09:29 PM	#107
nerf-herder Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 115 Thanks: 420 Thanked 952 Times in 102 Posts	I've just found out where women mostly have curly hair. Apparently it's Africa

August 9th, 2010, 09:43 PM	#108
tygrkhat40 Long Suffering Bills Fan Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: The City of Good Neighbors Posts: 9,669 Thanks: 304,243 Thanked 153,135 Times in 9,629 Posts	1. A virgin don't ever drive a Z28. 2. Never bet the ranch on your prostate. 3. If it's got an Adam's Apple it's probably a man. 4. Never trust a gay gypsy with the palm of your hand. 5. She didn't accidentally get good in bed. 6. You can't join the church if you're already dead. 7. A work uniform ain't totally nude. 8. Brim and bass ain't seafood. 9. If there's guns in the house, one better be yours. 10. Don't be naked next to any fishing lures. 11. If the girl's got cookies, she's a little too young. 12. If your say "I do," be the ugly one. 13. Don't ever let a bald man borrow your comb. 14. Never play strip poker in a nursing home. 15. Don't blame your pallbearers if they don't show, if you're buried in the middle of the Super Bowl. 16. Let people borrow money, they'll leave you alone. 17. Never fry bacon without a shirt on. 18. Never spray water on a hornet's nest. 19. A woman rarely aces the driver's test. 20. The sign probably don't really mean "massage." 21. Never threaten anybody in camouflage. 22. Say you love her until she lays down the butcher knife. 23. Never put the move on the boss's wife. 24. She's messin' around on you if your briefs don't fit. 25. Never trust a hitchhiker to babysit. 26. Cosmo's never in a happy home. 27. You can't cut a deal with a kidney stone. 28. A politician ain't got an HMO. 29. "Washing her hair" means she don't want to go. 30. Don't ridicule a biker about his tattoo. 31. If you've been married ten times, hell, maybe it's you. 32. "Doom" ain't the same as "Donkey Kong." 33. If he's wearing high heels, you might have raised him wrong. 34. The clinic ain't the best place to pick up dates. 35. Don't rent a room from a man named "Bates." 36. A tank top's never on a billionaire. 37. Stevie Ray Vaughan missed a note here and there. 38. How many get to heaven, no one knows. 39. But hell'll be asses and elbows. Tim Wilson