Monika Kälin

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Philadelphia Daily News (PA)
November 23, 1983
Author's note: At first, the plan was for me to judge the preliminaries of Penthouse magazine's $1 Million International Pet of the Year Contest, along with Atlantic City radio host Sondra Usry and three men. Then Penthouse said: "No women judges." Publisher Bob Guccione explained: "It's a men's magazine, and we want it to be purist, if you see what I mean." We didn't. "Women look at women more critically," Guccione said. ''You'd be looking at their make-up and so forth. Men look at the total effect." Sondra Usry said that if she'd been a judge, she'd have looked for ''inner beauty." We began to see Guccione's point . . .


PETS ON PARADE
SUSAN STEWART, Daily News Staff Writer The judges looked uncomfortable. The audience was near hysteria. Still, Miss Switzerland yodeled. And yodeled. In peasant dress on a ballroom stage at the Sands Hotel & Casino in Atlantic City, Miss Switzerland was caught up in some private Alpine fantasy. It was not the sort of fantasy required by this leg of Penthouse magazine's $1-Million Pet of the Year Pageant. "Odel-odel-oh-HO-hoh!" she trilled. Her accordion obstructed any view of her impressive 40-inch chest. It was painful to watch Miss Switzerland destroy her chances for a $50,000 diamond-and-ruby tiara, a nude layout in Penthouse and a year of the kind of publicity she assumed would make her an international star. It was suicide. Before the yodeling incident, Miss Switzerland, who signs her 8 x 10 glossies Monika Kaelin, had been thought a serious contender. She was one of a handful of contestants who claimed fame back home. Kaelin had once played ''Heidi" and now owns a disco in Zurich, the name of which translates as ''Beef." She was out for blood, the other contestants murmured, so driven that she had collapsed during a photo session in a hot tub a few days before. Now, on Sunday night, in the "Fantasy Costume" round, after which 10 finalists would be chosen from a field of 28, the sun looked to be setting over the Matterhorn of Miss Switzerland's ambition. Nobody knows yet. The top 10 will be announced at tomorrow night's finals, to be taped for broadcast in March, when the Penthouse people plan to hit 80 markets with a two-hour telecast and recoup half their $3-million expenditure. Until the taping, nobody tells the losers they've lost. "They'd leave," the pageant director shrugged. Sure, a Miss America contestant might get fed up, leave or otherwise muss the pristine image of her pageant. But if a Penthouse pet were to get fed up, it would be so much more . . . interesting. After all, this extravaganza is brought to you by Bob Guccione, Mr. Penthouse himself. Guccione and his think tank say the Pet contest is revolutionary. First, the contestants signed releases offering their bodies to the Penthouse camera, post-pageant. This makes them more . . . worldly than most pageant-types. Then there's the purse. "One million" is misleading. Miss International Pet of the Year will win that outrageous crown, a mere $100,000 in cold cash and gifts (donated by magazine advertisers and others) bringing the total to the million mark. If she used it all to further her education, she'd be in
college through retirement. By Sunday night, a million didn't seem like enough. Miss Australia, a Bo Derek look-alike named Marilyn Natty, sat by the Sands pool and talked taxes. ''By the time that new car's delivered, it's secondhand. Even if you sell it, you have to dip into savings to pay the tax man. And another year in the goldfish bowl? I just don't know." From another contestant: "Anybody they give $1 million to, you can be sure they'll get all they can out of her." Which brings us to the rumors. By last weekend, the contestants had been together long enough to be mildly crazy. The rumors were therapeutic and juicy. There was the rumor about the contest being fixed and won already by a certain brunette, about the insults directed at Miss Zimbabwe and Miss South Africa, both white as cold cream, about a certain contestant getting too friendly with the gentlemen. But this was typical pageant gossip. The best rumor was was about Miss Sweden, the 29th contestant. Miss Sweden was gone. She'd used up her free round-trip plane ticket 10 days early. Pageant director Griff O'Neil: "Some girls will come to an event and feel that they have absolutely no chance to win, create an excuse and leave." Miss Sweden's "excuse," according to some, was that she'd heard the video people say "they wanted nude shots of us in groups, under satin sheets. It scared her." Hadn't Miss Sweden, like everyone else, agreed to pose nude as a condition of the crown? Yes, but that's not the point. Money is. One contestant: ''That's exploitation. That's stuff we'd get a lot of money for." Which is why, according to Guccione, contestants asked to pose for the magazine will be paid the going rate: $5,000 for a three-day photo session. Make no mistake, these Pets are professionals. The nude question is something they've already answered, although most of them have spared their boyfriends the details. Gerda Dumfries, Miss Aruba: "I didn't tell him. If I don't win, nothing's lost. The way men think, I put it aside." For the U.S. contestant, Penthouse Pet of the Year Sheila Kennedy, nude layouts are boring. Her latest is in the December Penthouse. "That's such a cornball question. Hey, I did it because I'm me. I feel I'm a very sexy person." In the hotel coffee shop Sunday morning, Kennedy seemed confident enough. She wore: black leather pants, topless leotard, very tight T-shirt. And a hat. It was hard to get Kennedy to tell her life story, because of the waiters. "I was working in a Las Vegas casino when this freelance photographer for Penthouse found me, and . . ." - a waiter wanders over - "Hey, what's your name? Ed? He's cute, isn't he? Adorable. I mean, it's been two weeks since I've been with anybody . . ." The person Kennedy would most like to be with is teen-throb Leif Garrett: ''I think in the near future there'll be a very hot thing going." Second in line may be "Hill Street Blues" star Ed Marinaro: "He is very hot. I met him at a ceremony in New York - Oleg Cassini was there, and some ambassador - and we tried to get together, but . . ." Pageant rules strictly forbid certain forms of getting together. "For the girls' protection," rather than image, Guccione said. This is tough, and leads to discussions between lonely contestants. Here are Miss Zimbabwe and Miss Israel. Zimbabwe: "The sexy dancer's married. Not even gay." Israel: "Four days is hardly long enough, and that's all we've got left." Zimbabwe: "In the time I've got left, I'd hardly be able to get into somebody intellectually. What a waste. Twenty-eight sexy women, and not a man in sight." "Maybe," another contestant suggests, "that's deliberate. They're keeping us hungry so we'll be sexier on camera." If this is the plan, it's working splendidly. The Pets are sharp: not an
airhead in the bunch. A lot of their collective intellect goes toward being sexy. "Sexperts," Penthouse might call them. Some thoughts: Miss Zimbabwe, Fiona Craig: "Sex has nothing to do with boobs." Craig measures 32-22-32 and spends a lot of time thinking about this. Later, she's in her room, staring sullenly at the mirror. "God," she breathes. "I wish I had boobs." Another moment: a "Petscort" tells her, "Sorry, Fiona, we don't have any." Any what? "Body glue. For nipple caps." Miss Germany, Carola Winter, sits on her bed, naked. "In Germany, is freer." She shows me an old passport picture. Ugly. Winter bloomed at 19. Now, at 26 - "I say 23, because I figure I lost five years" - she's living a dream. "I was a model in Germany, and one day I was at a train in Dusseldorf and this Hollywood producer comes up." He kept calling; Winter finally accepted his plane ticket, "for a wisit, is all." Three months in Hollywood, and she's already been named Miss Hollywood International. Still, she is faithful to her boyfriend, Werner. "As much brains as muscles." She produces a snapshot. "He's the best lover in the world." Winter beautifes herself for the judges. She sprays Ralph Lauren perfume under her arms. "Deodorant? Never. But I like the American habit that women shave their arms and legs. In Germany is different. If you really like somebody, you say, 'I smell you!' If not, you say, 'I don't smell you!' " I can smell Miss Germany, who along with Israel and Canada stands a good chance of winning the penniless congeniality award, but nobody's smelling Miss Colombia. Amparo Grisales brought along her designer, Paco-Frank ("Paco, but you can call me Frank. I was born in Florida."), a reputation as "Colombia's Marilyn Monroe" and more sophistication than is healthy. Alone, Colombia's OK, just nervous. While she goes through the paces, Paco-Frank sits in his room in flannel pajamas and worries over her fantasy costume, a swan tail with maribou feathers. He tells me Colombia's answer to the judge's question, seemingly electrified by her intellect. "Amparo's a perfectionist. And this - this is her international opportunity." Maybe. As Guccione says, "You can get a girl publicity and film parts, but whether she has the staying power is up to her." The only sure beneficiary of this contest so far is Penthouse magazine, and at least one lucky contestant, to be chosen by a "star-studded" panel that includes Oleg
Cassini (contestants wear his bathing suits), actor Dennis Cole and former child-evangelist Marjoe Gortner. Who will she be? Here are my picks, culled
from rumor and prejudice: Italy. The purest bombshell. Austria. A dark horse I didn't notice until the Sunday night party, when her dancing style stunned everyone but the judges, five local businessmen who must have seen something there before. Thailand. This one's for the beverage maintenance man at the Sands, Emmett Fetrow. He called her ''Thighland." It fit.

[Loverboy12345]

Very nice! Some great pictorials. Unfortunately, just last month, her husband who was a Swiss football star, died. He had been suffering from Alzheimer’s disease. They had been together since 1975. He picked very well.

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From the Japanese photobook JPH690.



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