What if you lived in Australia? - Page 524

**Motorboater** · May 1st, 2017, 09:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by trailmaster

You call her boobs big. They look like tangerines. This is what I call a big tit:

At least pick a hot chick.

**Sir Honkers** · May 1st, 2017, 11:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Motorboater

At least pick a hot chick.

Actually I think she is hot. It's just that the gravitational pull on those breasts is causing a facial distortion in the fabric of spacetime.

**palo5** · May 1st, 2017, 12:01 PM

I wonder if those things make her float better

**trailmaster** · May 1st, 2017, 12:02 PM

Hi, Hiram Big here. The battle for Quokka Terrace was won, but now before I can relax I have to clean up. Luckily my late father Mr.Big left me 200 billion dollars and a bunch of construction equipment. I'm driving a bulldozer with a bobcat tied to it over to the site where 3 tiger tanks were blown apart. It took me a few days, but I managed to find all the pulverized pieces of the exploded tiger tanks with a metal detector, and with the help of the bulldozer and other equipment buried all the collected debris, and then smoothed out the sand. The ridge looks normal now. A few days later when I was relaxing in my living room the intercom is buzzing me. I go over to the t.v. camrera and see these government types on the outside of my mansion. Yes I say into the intercom. They announce themselves as government agents. I say: "What's up." They want to know what was behind this battle that took place several days ago and I tell them the whole story. They say I caused all kinds of damage. The Sikorsky helicopters that I destroyed spewed debris all over Melbourne. I said I would pay for it. The exploding tanks caused a break in phone and electrical lines that knocked out power for half of Melbourne. I said I would pay for it, but they said it is not enough for me to just pay for it. It takes time to rebuild.

I say to them: It is not my fault that some terrorists came into your country and decided to raid my house. Don't you check your airports, dont you have x-ray machines at your airports to check luggage and check passengers getting off commercial jets and ships? They say that their country while big is sparsely populated and it is not so easy as it is in the U.S. to do these things. I say, so what of it. What do you want of me? I'll give your government another 10 billion dollars for all the trouble I caused. They say ok, but there is another problem. The missles that detonated two miles off the Bass Strait fell into the sea and damaged a ship that was investigating a missing luxury liner that mysteriously disappeared years ago with tons of gold, diamonds and other precious cargo. The ship that was investigating thought they found the missing liner near the bottom of an ocean trench 3 miles below the surface, but the exploding missles debris that fell into the ocean has now dislodged the liner and it fell even deeper into the trench and is now not accessible. I was dismayed, but I can't do anything about this. I said I will pay you what ever you need to get new ships built so you can begin to search for the liner . I'll even help you. I own an ocean salvage company. I can have a bunch of men and ships brought out here and free of charge we can help you find and bring up from the ocean depths this missing ship. They were elated and said OK. "Since you have already given the Australian government so much money we won't do anything, but this kind of thing can't happen again. Understand!" I shrug. They say their farewells and leave. I go back to my life of luxury. Story may continue...........

**bloke57** · May 1st, 2017, 01:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by trailmaster

I say to them: It is not my fault that some terrorists came into your country and decided to raid my house. Don't you check your airports, dont you have x-ray machines at your airports to check luggage and check passengers getting off commercial jets and ships?

Absolutely! It's outrageous that those Tiger Tanks went undetected when carried in as hand baggage. Never realised Aussie security was so lax.

They had a go at me for having a bit of mud on my walking boots!

**trailmaster** · May 1st, 2017, 01:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bloke57

Absolutely! It's outrageous that those Tiger Tanks went undetected when carried in as hand baggage. Never realised Aussie security was so lax.

They had a go at me for having a bit of mud on my walking boots!

You must have read something wrong. Remember a while back I said I noticed that a construction project was going on on the beach near the Bass Strait. Those terrorists brought in all the parts for building their tanks by ship.

**bloke57** · May 1st, 2017, 01:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by trailmaster

You must have read something wrong. Remember a while back I said I noticed that a construction project was going on on the beach near the Bass Strait. Those terrorists brought in all the parts for building their tanks by ship.

Curses! The old "bringing in disassembled tanks by ship and putting them all together in a foreign country undetected" trick. Can't count how often we have seen that old one pulled.

Silly me for being soooooo naïve!

**trailmaster** · May 1st, 2017, 02:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bloke57

Curses! The old "bringing in disassembled tanks by ship and putting them all together in a foreign country undetected" trick. Can't count how often we have seen that old one pulled.

Silly me for being soooooo naïve!

Just as easy as two jet liners crashing into the twin towers in New York City on 9/11. The U.S. Air Force saw it all and did nothing. If that same thing happened in Moscow the Russian Air Force would have shot those planes out of the sky as soon as they diverted from their flight plan. There are dumb, stupid people everywhere.

**trailmaster** · May 4th, 2017, 02:11 PM

Hiram Big here, son of Mr.Big. I think I made a mistake. I should have built my supermansion underground, but how was I to know that these well armed nuts were going to attack me. I have plenty of money. i good re-locate the mansion to an underground site, but I think it is too late. Now the whole terrorist world knows about me and worse people may be on the way. I think what I have to do is alert the U.S. military bases stationed on Australia. Or I could call my U.S. military contractors. Maybe they could construct some big surface to air missle batteries, but the Australian government would not allow that. What can I do? I know the baddies are coming. Sooner or later they will bring even greater weapons. It might provoke a confrontation between the superpowers. It could lead to World War 3. Maybe I should just pack up and leave. I could bulldoze the house and move to Rottnest Island.

Estreeter · May 4th, 2017, 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by trailmaster

underground

Coober Pedy

May 1st, 2017, 12:01 PM	#5233
palo5 Former Staff Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 16,579 Thanks: 452,836 Thanked 222,662 Times in 16,567 Posts	I wonder if those things make her float better

May 1st, 2017, 12:02 PM	#5234
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,934 Thanks: 1,329,476 Thanked 707,612 Times in 60,108 Posts	Hi, Hiram Big here. The battle for Quokka Terrace was won, but now before I can relax I have to clean up. Luckily my late father Mr.Big left me 200 billion dollars and a bunch of construction equipment. I'm driving a bulldozer with a bobcat tied to it over to the site where 3 tiger tanks were blown apart. It took me a few days, but I managed to find all the pulverized pieces of the exploded tiger tanks with a metal detector, and with the help of the bulldozer and other equipment buried all the collected debris, and then smoothed out the sand. The ridge looks normal now. A few days later when I was relaxing in my living room the intercom is buzzing me. I go over to the t.v. camrera and see these government types on the outside of my mansion. Yes I say into the intercom. They announce themselves as government agents. I say: "What's up." They want to know what was behind this battle that took place several days ago and I tell them the whole story. They say I caused all kinds of damage. The Sikorsky helicopters that I destroyed spewed debris all over Melbourne. I said I would pay for it. The exploding tanks caused a break in phone and electrical lines that knocked out power for half of Melbourne. I said I would pay for it, but they said it is not enough for me to just pay for it. It takes time to rebuild. I say to them: It is not my fault that some terrorists came into your country and decided to raid my house. Don't you check your airports, dont you have x-ray machines at your airports to check luggage and check passengers getting off commercial jets and ships? They say that their country while big is sparsely populated and it is not so easy as it is in the U.S. to do these things. I say, so what of it. What do you want of me? I'll give your government another 10 billion dollars for all the trouble I caused. They say ok, but there is another problem. The missles that detonated two miles off the Bass Strait fell into the sea and damaged a ship that was investigating a missing luxury liner that mysteriously disappeared years ago with tons of gold, diamonds and other precious cargo. The ship that was investigating thought they found the missing liner near the bottom of an ocean trench 3 miles below the surface, but the exploding missles debris that fell into the ocean has now dislodged the liner and it fell even deeper into the trench and is now not accessible. I was dismayed, but I can't do anything about this. I said I will pay you what ever you need to get new ships built so you can begin to search for the liner . I'll even help you. I own an ocean salvage company. I can have a bunch of men and ships brought out here and free of charge we can help you find and bring up from the ocean depths this missing ship. They were elated and said OK. "Since you have already given the Australian government so much money we won't do anything, but this kind of thing can't happen again. Understand!" I shrug. They say their farewells and leave. I go back to my life of luxury. Story may continue...........

May 4th, 2017, 02:11 PM	#5239
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,934 Thanks: 1,329,476 Thanked 707,612 Times in 60,108 Posts	Hiram Big here, son of Mr.Big. I think I made a mistake. I should have built my supermansion underground, but how was I to know that these well armed nuts were going to attack me. I have plenty of money. i good re-locate the mansion to an underground site, but I think it is too late. Now the whole terrorist world knows about me and worse people may be on the way. I think what I have to do is alert the U.S. military bases stationed on Australia. Or I could call my U.S. military contractors. Maybe they could construct some big surface to air missle batteries, but the Australian government would not allow that. What can I do? I know the baddies are coming. Sooner or later they will bring even greater weapons. It might provoke a confrontation between the superpowers. It could lead to World War 3. Maybe I should just pack up and leave. I could bulldoze the house and move to Rottnest Island.