How do you cope with the lady in your life?

[Roubignol]

Originally Posted by 73north

for you , rosestone , if you have no financial ties and can afford it , just walk away
and get someone else , and if that fails , move on to another - try , try and try again .

Would you recommend him to marry one more time, if he quits and finds a new nice girlfriend?

I'd say no. But I never was married. (I immediatly believed that would be more difficult to find a nice wife who would fit 90% of my wishes, than to win to the national lotery. (1 chance on 8 millions ) )
What are your opinions of married men?

[rosestone]

My wife and I don't really have any joint assets or anything, so I don't think any of that stuff would be a problem, but, she kinda relies on me. When she's in a good mood she'll say that she couldn't cope without me, and she's not just saying that, it's more or less true.

It's difficult. I feel like if she'd just try and be reasonable, and just not indulge herself whenever she feels a tantrum coming on, everything would be fine. But, I guess, she'd say something very similar about me (without the tantrum bit and instead something about.......actually, tbh I don't really know what her problem is with me, which I suppose says a lot, because she spends a generous portion of her life telling me)

But as xyz says, living like a monk might be the best way. I have done that before, and tbh it does seem quite tempting at times.

Thank you for all the posts guys, I know it's a bit odd posting about your personal lives, appreciate it

[bloke57]

Originally Posted by rosestone

It's difficult. I feel like if she'd just try and be reasonable, and just not indulge herself whenever she feels a tantrum coming on, everything would be fine. But, I guess, she'd say something very similar about me (without the tantrum bit and instead something about.......actually, tbh I don't really know what her problem is with me, which I suppose says a lot, because she spends a generous portion of her life telling me)

Hmm! A lot of this sounds like passive-aggressive victimhood behaviour. Believe me I know all about that!

My ex always described herself as "damaged" - her mother committed suicide when she was about 19 and her late husband had cheated on at least one occasion. She seemed to like to revel in that and use it to excuse her selfish behaviour - although I always made it clear that she had no right to visit her crap on me and I would not stand for it.

So I am wondering if your lady has a past tragedy or problem in her life that has not been addressed? Only you and she will know, but it could be that she needs to exercise those demons and get them out of her system - then she can appreciate you more.

My ex was not willing to move on - I think she preferred to define herself by her struggles, live in the past and glean all the sympathy she could. So it was not for me in the end - and equally I did not fit the narrative she re-invented for herself - so I walked.

[tygrkhat40]

I don't have one.

A few years back, a friend of mine was having problems with his now ex-wife, I told him I was glad I didn't have his problem, but I wish I had his problem.

[rosestone]

Originally Posted by bloke57

My ex always described herself as "damaged" - her mother committed suicide when she was about 19 and her late husband had cheated on at least one occasion. She seemed to like to revel in that and use it to excuse her selfish behaviour - although I always made it clear that she had no right to visit her crap on me and I would not stand for it.

So I am wondering if your lady has a past tragedy or problem in her life that has not been addressed? Only you and she will know, but it could be that she needs to exercise those demons and get them out of her system - then she can appreciate you more.

My ex was not willing to move on - I think she preferred to define herself by her struggles, live in the past and glean all the sympathy she could. So it was not for me in the end - and equally I did not fit the narrative she re-invented for herself - so I walked.

That's very perceptive of you Bloke, my wife did have a major tragedy in her youth, and although I have never cheated on her, she does act as though I have, 2 years ago I told her about a co-worker having a crush on me (and that's all, I barely knew the woman), and she still brings it up constantly - and I don't mean in a jokey way, I mean in a full-on, screaming, you-are-so-evil-for-doing-this-to-me way, and it is regularly her excuse for how she behaves, which is not so much passive-aggressive, as aggressive-aggressive

Maybe you're just smarter than me, although I do have to say that it's very unfair of me to be bashing my wife like this with only offering my side (and the bad bits), I only do it because it's anonymous, and it's a relief.

I'm glad it's worked out for you - what do you reckon the odds that my wife and your ex are on an internet forum right now (Daniel-Craig-with-his-shirt-off dot com or something), bitching about you and me

[Roubignol]

@rosestone
If you believe that apart her irrational crisis, you could be happy together, I'd recommend to you first to sit on a chair with her and tell her:

"I'm very tired about your crisis against me. Since now, I want that you treat me with respect. If you can't, I go away. End of the story."

You also can propose to her to write on a paper what she has against you instead to shout like a demon on your face.

As I told you, we don't really know you.
You are maybe the worst partner in the world, maybe you are two pests or she's maybe a satanic demon...
Hard to know.

I know theses concepts, I wrote to you, seem to be taken from these stories that we can read in "Elle" or "Cosmopolitan" magazines, when we are in the waiting room of the dentist.
But one thing is sure, it's better to pierce the absess instead to get crazy one day and to beat her to death.

[Roubignol]

Originally Posted by bloke57

Hmm! A lot of this sounds like passive-aggressive victimhood behaviour. Believe me I know all about that!

Yeah... but 95% of them ALWAYS have their TRAGEDIC stories.... like us.
That's not a reason to behave like a torturer.

I've got exactly the reverse story. I had a female friend who had a boyfriend who used the problems of his childhood to make unbelievable crisis.

These "torturers" have to live the present, not with their past.
That's a good thing that I learned in philosophical books.
Past is past, the story is over.
Present is reality.
Future doesn't exist.

So these depressive people have to turn the page of the past and live in the present.
They can meditate, do yoga, etc...
If they can't behave better, then they have to go to a psychiatrist and take the appropriate medicine.
End of the story.

[bloke57]

Originally Posted by rosestone

.

What do you reckon the odds that my wife and your ex are on an internet forum right now (Daniel-Craig-with-his-shirt-off dot com or something), bitching about you and me?

Well, if she is, I can assure you that she will start every conversation with every available stranger with the words "My husband died".

[rosestone]

Originally Posted by xyzde69

But one thing is sure, it's better to pierce the absess instead to get crazy one day and to beat her to death.

Lol, don't worry xy, I'm a vegetarian, I can't even kill insects

[73north]

Originally Posted by xyzde69

Would you recommend him to marry one more time, if he quits and finds a new nice girlfriend?

I'd say no. But I never was married. (I immediatly believed that would be more difficult to find a nice wife who would fit 90% of my wishes, than to win to the national lotery. (1 chance on 8 millions ) )
What are your opinions of married men?

Frankly , No
or at least live with her for a good while ....
and if you do want to marry , get a good pre-nuptial agreement
and above all ( which I made sure I did ) NO joint bank account
Marriage - its like trying on a pair of jeans , you just know very soon
after a while - they will be a good fit ( mine changed after 5 years )
Marriage is a lottery - if you want my opinion
more fail than succeed ( at least the past weddings I have been to )

and like I say , a frank realistion that married life is not a future utopia
or a bed of roses , might help a few lost souls in the future
( and make a few guys realise that things can only get better , if they make it happen )