warning stupidity

[mrfixit]

This thread is about warnings that are sooo stupid you have to read them to belive them.
All the warnings here are very real. Feel free to add some when you find them to keep us all informed of the stupidity of some people.The scariest part of these warnings is that someone has to have done them atleast once to become a warning.All are welcome as long they are real.

Acura TL warns that opening or closing the moonroof on someone's hands or fingers can cause serious injury.

Volvo warns never drive with the airbags deployed.The fact that they hang out can impair steering of your vehicle.

[nevermind]

Like some fireworks that should be lit by striking them like a match.
The manufacturer warns not to hold them while striking..
Well in that case i would like to know how they should be lit then..

.

[iufrenchman]

Bag of airline peanuts: "Caution: May Contain Peanuts"

Package of batteries: "Batteries Not Included"

Spear gun: "Do not point directly at face."

Vacuum cleaner hose: "Keep Away From Penis"

Box of animal crackers: "No animals were harmed during the manufacture of this product."

Bag of potato chips: "Due to the law of averages, some unbroken chips may accidentally be included in this package."

Restaurant bathroom: "Employees must wash hands before spitting in customers' food"

Ashton Kutcher videos: "May cause nausea, headache or drowsiness."

Box of Miracle-Gro plant food: "Not meant to be used on penis."

Bottle of French dressing: «Apprenez svp à parler une langue étrangère, bâtards américains paresseux.»

Cellular telephones: "Frequent use of this product while driving is encouraged by the American Organ Donor Consortium."

Political campaign speeches: "Any claims or promises are meant as entertainment only and do not represent actual product performance."

ATM machines: "Please Do Not Insert Penis"

Florida voting ballots: "Not Legally Binding"

The Bill of Rights: "May be modified, suspended or discontinued at any time without notice or liability."

SUV gas caps: "A donation in your name has been forwarded to al-Q'aeda."

ShredCo Industrial Penis Slicer: "Not Recommended for Use on Hot Dogs, Sausages or Cucumbers

[iufrenchman]

• "Do not use if you cannot see clearly to read the information in the information booklet." -- In the information booklet.
• "Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs.
• "For external use only!" -- On a curling iron.
• "Warning: This product can burn eyes." -- On a curling iron.
• "Do not use in shower." -- On a hair dryer.
• "Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer.
• "Do not use while sleeping or unconscious." -- On a hand-held massaging device.
• "Do not place this product into any electronic equipment." -- On the case of a chocolate CD in a gift basket.
• "Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking." -- On a toilet at a public sports facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan.
• "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." -- On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists.
• "This product not intended for use as a dental drill." -- On an electric rotary tool.
• "Caution: Do not spray in eyes." -- On a container of underarm deodorant.
• "Do not drive with sunshield in place." -- On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard.
• "Caution: This is not a safety protective device." -- On a plastic toy helmet used as a container for popcorn.
• "Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks." -- On an "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter.
• "Battery may explore or leak." -- On a battery. See a scanned image.
• "Do not eat toner." -- On a toner cartridge for a laser printer.
• "Not intended for highway use." -- On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow.
• "This product is not to be used in bathrooms." -- On a Holmes bathroom heater.
• "May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray.
• "Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." -- On a novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock."
• "Caution! Contents hot!" -- On a Domino's Pizza box.
• "Caution: Hot beverages are hot!" -- On a coffee cup.
• "Caution: Shoots rubber bands." -- On a product called "Rubber Band Shooter."
• "Warning: May contain small parts." -- On a frisbee.
• "Do not use orally." -- On a toilet bowl cleaning brush.
• "Please keep out of children." -- On a butcher knife.
• "Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less." -- On a birthday card for a 1 year old.
• "Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use." -- On a battery.
• "Warning: Do not use on eyes." -- In the manual for a heated seat cushion.
• "Do not look into laser with remaining eye." -- On a laser pointer.
• "Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave oven.
• "For use on animals only." -- On an electric cattle prod.
• "For use by trained personnel only." -- On a can of air freshener.
• "Keep out of reach of children and teenagers." -- On a can of air freshener.
• "Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you." -- On a motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror.
• "Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to the forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft." -- In the manual for a jetski.
• "Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death." -- A label inside a protective bag (for fragile objects), which measures 15cm by 15cm by 12cm.
• "Do not use as ear plugs." -- On a package of silly putty.
• "Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator." -- On a bag of fresh grapes in Australia.
• "Warning: knives are sharp!" -- On the packaging of a sharpening stone.
• "Not for weight control." -- On a pack of Breath Savers.
• "Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth." -- On the label of a bottled drink.
• "Theft of this container is a crime." -- On a milk crate.
• "Do not use intimately." -- On a tube of deodorant.
• "Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice." -- On a box of rat poison.
• "Fragile. Do not drop." -- Posted on a Boeing 757.
• "Cannot be made non-poisonous." -- On the back of a can of de-icing windshield fluid.
• "Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." -- On a portable stroller.
• "Excessive dust may be irritating to shin and eyes." -- On a tube of agarose powder, used to make gels.
• "Look before driving." -- On the dash board of a mail truck.
• "Do not iron clothes on body." -- On packaging for a Rowenta iron.
• "Do not drive car or operate machinery." -- On Boot's children's cough medicine.
• "For indoor or outdoor use only." -- On a string of Christmas lights.
• "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." -- On a child sized Superman costume.
• "This door is alarmed from 7:00pm - 7:00am." -- On a hospital's outside access door.
• "Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted." -- On a sign at a railroad station.
• "Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems." -- On a box of Midol PMS relief tablets.
• "Product will be hot after heating." -- On a supermarket dessert box.
• "Do not turn upside down." -- On the bottom of a supermarket dessert box.
• "Do not light in face. Do not expose to flame." -- On a lighter.
• "Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball." -- On the label for a cheap rubber ball toy.
• "Not for human consumption." -- On a package of dice.
• "May be harmful if swallowed." -- On a shipment of hammers.
• "Using Ingenio cookware to destroy your old pots may void your warranty." -- A printed message that appears in a television advertisement when the presenter demonstrates how strong the cookware is by using it to beat up and destroy a regular frying pan.
• "Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand." -- In the manual for a Swedish chainsaw.
• "Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers." -- From a manual for an SGI computer.
• "Warning: May contain nuts." -- On a package of peanuts.
• "Do not eat." -- On a slip of paper in a stereo box, referring to the styrofoam packing.
• "Do not eat if seal is missing." -- On said seal.
• "Remove occupants from the stroller before folding it."
• "Access hole only -- not intended for use in lifting box." -- On the sides of a shipping carton, just above cut-out openings which one would assume were handholds.
• "Warning: May cause drowsiness." -- On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of sleeping pills.
• "Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death." -- Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle.
• "Do not use orally after using rectally." -- In the instructions for an electric thermometer.
• "Turn off motor before using this product." -- On the packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain.
• "Not to be used as a personal flotation device." -- On a 6x10 inch inflatable picture frame.
• "Do not put in mouth." -- On a box of bottle rockets.
• "Remove plastic before eating." -- On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack.
• "Not dishwasher safe." -- On a remote control for a TV.
• "For lifting purposes only." -- On the box for a car jack.
• "Do not put lit candles on phone." -- On the instructions for a cordless phone.
• "Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants." -- On the packaging for a wristwatch.

[mrfixit]

Thanks so much keep up the good work.Here's two more,

Toyota Venza warns do not leave children alone in the luggage compartment.

Mini warns that if brake fluid level is low stop immediately.

[mrfixit]

Connair curling iron warning
Do not insert into any orifice doing so can cause serious injury.

[mrfixit]

Paintball gun
Fireing anything other than paintballs can cause serious injury.
Do not insert anything in gunbarrel when fireing.
Not to be used any other type of projectile or ammunition.

[iufrenchman]

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.

On a bag of Doritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.

On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.

On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head.

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down.

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.

On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.

On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness.

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.

On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.

On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.

On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning keep out of children

On a helmet mounted mirror used by us cyclists: Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you

On a Taiwanese shampoo: Use repeatedly for severe damage

On the bottle-top of a flavoured milk drink: After opening, keep upright

On a New Zealand insect spray: This product not tested on animals.

On a Japanese product used to relieve painful haemorrhoids: Lie down on bed and insert poscool slowly up to the projected portion Like a sword-guard into anal duct. While inserting poscool for Approximately 5 minutes, keep quiet.

On a blanket from taiwan: not to be used as protection from a tornado

On a cardboard windshield sun shade: "Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place."

On an infant's bathtub: Do not throw baby out with bath water.

On a package of Fisherman's Friend(R) throat lozenges: Not meant as substitute for human companionship.

On a Magic 8 Ball: Not advised for use as a home pregnancy test.

On a roll of Life Savers: Not for use as a flotation device.

On a refrigerator: Refrigerate after opening.

On a disposable razor: Do not use this product during an earthquake.

On a handgun: Not recommended for use as a nutcracker.

On pantyhose: Not to be used in the commission of a felony.

On a piano: Harmful or fatal if swallowed.

On a can of Fix-a-Flat: Not to be used for breast augmentation.

On a Pentium chip: If this product exhibits errors, the manufacturer will replace it for a $2-shipping and a $3-handling charge, for a total of $4.97.
On work gloves: For best results, do not leave at crime scene.

On a palm sander: Not to be used to sand palms.

On a calendar: Use of term "Sunday" for reference only. No meteorological warranties express or implied.

On Odor Eaters: Do not eat.

On a blender: Not for use as an aquarium.

On a revolving door: Passenger compartments for individual use only.

On a microscope: Objects are smaller and less alarming than they appear.

On children's alphabet blocks: Letters may be used to construct words, phrases and sentences that may be deemed offensive.

On a wet suit: Capacity, 1.

In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles: Open Other End.

On a packet of Sunmaid raisins - Why Not Try Tossing Over Your Favorite Breakfast Cereal?

[mrfixit]

On a tube of hemorrhoid cream:Not to be used as a sexual lubricant

[iufrenchman]

Liquid Plummer
Warning: Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages.
Toilet Plunger
Caution: Do not use near power lines.
Dremel Electric Rotary Tool
This product not intended for use as a dental drill.
Bowl Fresh
Safe to use around pets and children, although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet.
Sleeping Pills
Warning: May cause Drowsiness
Christmas Lights
Warning: For indoor or outdoor use only.
Komatsu Floodlight
This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark
Hair Coloring
Do not use as an ice cream topping.
Wet-Nap
Directions: Tear open packet and use.
Stridex Foaming Face Wash
May contain foam.
Mattress
Warning: Do not attempt to swallow
Matches
Caution: Contents may catch fire.
Rain Gauge
Suitable for outdoor use.
RCA Television Remote Control
Not Dishwasher Safe
Pine Mountain Fire Logs
Caution: Risk of fire
Triops Fish Food
Warning: Not for human consumption
Home Depot Treated Lumber
Do not consume
Children's Superman Costume
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
Slush Puppy Cup
This ice may be cold
American Airlines Peanuts
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
Nabisco Easy Cheese
For best results, remove cap
Hershey's Almond Bar
Warning: May contain traces of nuts