Locals you regularly see and who are far saner than thee

[MaxJoker]

Nope i`m not talking about your wives or girlfriends.

As I`d bet both whiskey soaked kidneys that you`re far saner than they are

Annnnnyway .

For me straight off four local cases spring to mind .

1- The fat man (No relation, except in terms of beer gut) with white hair who wears white socks and blue shorts whatever the weather = Occasionally I've seen him pushing around a shopping trolley.Would guesstimate he's in his early sixties and must be educated as he has an amazingly plummy voice . Have heard it whenever he asks me for spare change, while counting his fifty pound note stuffed wallet..

2- The miming got a light guy = This one must be early twenties , he wears over large dark glasses , has a thin face and even thinner body and comes up to me when i least expect it . Normally when i have my hands full. The arse never properly speaks or asks he just mimes a lighter with his hand and thumb and says " Light" .

3 - Disabled lost guy on crutches = Now what can i say about him ?. Other than yes he is disabled . Maybe with cerebral palsy or something . But Christ how often does he get lost and need sixty pence to get the bus home so his mother doesn`t worry ?. Well so far and from personal interaction can say he's got lost eight times because that`s how many times he's swayed up to me and said the same thing. Why he never remembers me or at least bothers to change the story I don`t know. But what I do know is I have had fun the last couple times giving him replies such as this .

" No way me to, what are we going to do ? "

" Oh no bad luck , what`s your mothers number i`ll call her "

" 60p ok sure , but i`ll need one of those crutches for collateral "

4 - Coughing bitch = Never spoken to her thank god and when I've seen her on the street cross over, while crossing myself . Mind you with this freak you don`t have to wait till you see her because you can hear her a quarter of a mile away. Not kidding all she does is cough , as in cough like she's coughing her lungs out. It`s not even a proper cough though it sounds like this " Uuuuh- Guuuuh ". I think she's a messed up drug addict maybe . At least I hope she is since wouldn't want to think she looked in such an aged hagged state yet never got the passing benefits of being wasted ... Ahem ... Not that I haven't dated worse


Well that`s four regular locals i know , and yes they'll probably be more to follow.

So what about you and your neck of the locally weird filled woods ?

If you got em let us have em !

[Dumbassgo]

When I was at university there was this guy who would wander around the town centre. Odd chap, bit of a tramp. He wore an old army jacket, dark grey trousers covered in paint stains, wellington boots and a dark green balaclava. All year round. At Halloween he would augment his outfit with a pair of red devil horns, a belt with a forked tail attached and he would carry a small devil's trident.

Everyone knew him. Once whilst waiting at a bus stop he came walking up and stood next to me. In each of his jacket pockets he had a bottle of milk that had gone so sour it was virtually cheese. He gave me a bottle, told me it would make the bus come quicker then walked off.

But the one main memory I have of him was one day approaching Christmas in the town centre. During this time there would be the odd busker playing songs in the town square - some of them actually quite good. There were these two guys, one on guitar and one with a flute. Playing some good stuff and with a fair few people watching. Up saunters tramp dude and starts to dance - almost as if he's part of their act. Then from inside his jacket he produces the largest potato I have ever seen and continues to dance, with this massive 'tater in both hands as if it's his dance partner.

No matter what the buskers did (stopping playing for 5 minutes, asking the guy to move on, playing faster tunes) tramp dude just carried on dancing with his potato princess. He carried on dancing well after they packed up and left.

It was one of the most surreal things I have ever seen and myself and my friends were pissing ourselves laughing watching it. It still makes me smile today and this happened 17 years ago.

Potato dancing tramp dude, we salute you.

Cheers,
Dumbassgo.

[MaxJoker]

Probably the biggest local whacko i see most regularly is Julian the president (And vice president/ Treasurer) of the building i`m currently living in. He's as warped as a melted vinyl record and half as interesting. Asked my landlords agent about him and from what they gather he started calling himself the building president six years ago . In fact he's just the guy who is meant to deal with any problems with the dozen or so people who live here and make sure the lift etc works . For that he gets a free place to live and a couple hundred a month towards expenses .

In other words he's the bloody custodian .

Although i prefer to think of the old sod as a sneaky spy since (Too many S`s maybe ?) he went out of his way to let the BBC know i had moved in virtually the same day i had , then let their license detector guy (Or whatever the tossers are called) through the gates and up to my front door

In other words

Yeah , he`s one of those types of people

[rotobott]

Originally Posted by GreenSkull

he went out of his way to let the BBC know i had moved in virtually the same day i had

For a second there I thought you were famous, outside of here I mean.

[MaxJoker]

Originally Posted by rotobott

For a second there I thought you were famous, outside of here I mean.

Infamous maybe


Still come on what a miserable thing to do to a fresh faced wide eyed brand new tenant

Also a big mistake because i've been getting back at him ever since

As in , hey Julie i was the one who

1- Glued a gold dressing room star on your front door

2- Took all the bin bags apart from 2 ( As in F U ) last week

3- Faked ten election posters for nomination applications for next president and put them all around the front lobby .

Then again i think he knows


Huh too much time on my hands , whatever can you mean

Anyway the technical term is " Insomniac "

[keefriff]

Not unlike Dumbassgo and his potato dancing man, my neighborhood has a man we like to call "Stick Man". He looks a little like Richie Havens, smells alot like a pub bathroom and brandishes a big stick. No...... I mean a real stick you know, like a branch from a tree. He seems to spend most of his days on busy street corners doing a sort of avant garde dance routine with his stick partner. The moves are breathtaking. Fluid, graceful and without a hint of self conciousness. He often winds up his busy day outside my local watering hole at closing time where he conducts his real business. He requests, cajoles, perhaps even accosts people to autograph his stick. For a mere one dollar you can have your name immortalized on his tree branch dance partner. Needless to say, my name is etched near the top. The great thing about this is that now when he approaches me I only have to point to my name on the stick, produce my ID card, and tell him to dance on.

[Night Haunter]

There used to be a mad old geezer at the far end of our street when I was a kid, he always wore a huge brown mac and sandals with socks on and was always riding a 1930's grandad bike, constantly talking to himself and swearing at all the kids who played in the area, his name was Ted and he was eventually carted off too the loony bin and his house was demolished a few years later - poor old sod!

[Benzo]

in my old town there was a scruffy old guy who used to stand on the high street singing into a toy microphone (the ones that give a kinda echo effect) all day everyday, bless him lol

[keefriff]

Like you Greenskull I have a nosy, busybody, cluless caretaker in my building. He plays for the other team if you know what I mean. Now don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with that as long as he doesn't try to shove it down my throat. Anyways, he is always just so chipper and always so damn glad to see everyone and just perkier than a pair of 18 year old boobs. He sends around bi-monthly bulletins about issues in the building/neighborhood, upcoming events, tenants birthdays all sorts of crap that I could care less about. The problem is, in his attempt to be cute and worldly he ends all of them by writing "Ciao". All well and good except he spells it "Chow"

Does anyone know the Italian word for idiot?

[Dumbassgo]

Originally Posted by keefriff

Does anyone know the Italian word for idiot?

Unfortunately it's only "idiota" But you could use stupido or even better ritardato.

Cheers,
Dumbassgo.