Post your corny jokes - Page 206

**rockernut** · September 4th, 2011, 02:17 PM

What's a Pajala(A godforsaken town in the far north of Sweden) 69? -Licking your own armpit while you're wanking.

**tygrkhat40** · September 4th, 2011, 03:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sweatyhat

My wife came down from having a bath, gave me a wink and said, "I shaved my pussy in the bath and you know what that means?"
I said, "The plug hole is blocked?"

...and that's when the fight started.

Lurk_D · September 5th, 2011, 03:38 AM

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

“Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.

"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death, when you don't know crap?"

And then she went back to reading her book.

Hot Solar · September 5th, 2011, 08:53 AM

A business man on a trip to Japan, visits a prostitute on a night off.
As he’s banging away, she keeps shouting “間違ったクソ穴にね” !
Taking this to be a complement on his performance he leaves pleased.
The next day he is invited by his Japanese Business customers to a round of golf, where one hits a hole in one.
Keen to impress, he shouts out the complement he had learned “間違ったクソ穴にね”!!
To which the Japanese man replies what do you mean , “you’re in the wrong fucking hole”!

Hot Solar · September 5th, 2011, 03:37 PM

This isn’t a joke, but actually something quite true from a job applicant form I received when I used to work for a company many years ago I thought I would share as it still tickles me.

(It was a job not looking for the highest of qualified people)

He wrote under Hobbies & Interests

I like to try different things
I like to go out on the weekends and wanking my dog

Hot Solar · September 5th, 2011, 04:05 PM

For our UK friends here

An Englishman, Welshman, a Scottish man and an Irish man met in a bar.

They all discover that their parents were very patriotic and even tried to plan their birthday to fall on the patron saint of each part of the UK.

The Welshman tells them “I was born on Saint David’s day and they called me David”

The English man said, well “I was born on Saint George’s day and they called me George”

The Scotsman said “I was born on St Andrews day and they called me Andrew”

Amazed at the coincidence , they say to the Irishman

“ and don’t tell us you was named after your actual day of birth”?

“Yes he replies”

“So you must be Patrick”

“No” he replied “Pancake”

**Jeff Vader** · September 5th, 2011, 07:10 PM

A man goes in to the library and asks for a book on suicide.

The librarian says "piss off you wont bring it back.

**sweatyhat** · September 5th, 2011, 07:54 PM

A drunk woman approached me earlier and mumbled ''I wanna have your babies, gorgeous''.
I pondered this for a second and then handed them over.

Alcohol - Because no good story started with someone eating a salad.

I've just swallowed some peroxide.
I think I'm going to dye.

My wife is going to start line dancing tomorrow.
I've wired the washing line to the mains.

**Mal Hombre** · September 5th, 2011, 08:00 PM

What's the difference between Online sex and Human sex ?
With Computers the software goes into the Hardware....

**Jeff Vader** · September 5th, 2011, 09:33 PM

At school, I always preferred French to Chemistry. Yeah, the Chemistry teacher and I just didn't have any........................rapport

September 5th, 2011, 07:54 PM	#2058
sweatyhat Woodwose Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: In the mud and rain Posts: 10,869 Thanks: 97,859 Thanked 187,959 Times in 10,563 Posts	A drunk woman approached me earlier and mumbled ''I wanna have your babies, gorgeous''. I pondered this for a second and then handed them over. Alcohol - Because no good story started with someone eating a salad. I've just swallowed some peroxide. I think I'm going to dye. My wife is going to start line dancing tomorrow. I've wired the washing line to the mains. __________________

September 5th, 2011, 08:00 PM	#2059
Mal Hombre El Super Moderador Join Date: May 2009 Location: Adoptive Monkey Hanger Posts: 58,186 Thanks: 773,279 Thanked 856,420 Times in 57,617 Posts	What's the difference between Online sex and Human sex ? With Computers the software goes into the Hardware.... __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. If in doubt, Just ask Yourself What Would Max Do ? It is a porn site,But its a Classy porn site. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

September 4th, 2011, 02:17 PM	#2051
rockernut Veteran Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Stockholm, Sweden Posts: 6,958 Thanks: 69,670 Thanked 73,322 Times in 6,969 Posts	What's a Pajala(A godforsaken town in the far north of Sweden) 69? -Licking your own armpit while you're wanking.

September 5th, 2011, 03:38 AM	#2053
Lurk_D Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 489 Thanks: 22 Thanked 3,916 Times in 467 Posts	An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?" “Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly. "OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?" The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death, when you don't know crap?" And then she went back to reading her book.

September 5th, 2011, 08:53 AM	#2054
Hot Solar Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Posts: 99 Thanks: 241 Thanked 1,422 Times in 97 Posts	A business man on a trip to Japan, visits a prostitute on a night off. As he’s banging away, she keeps shouting “間違ったクソ穴にね” ! Taking this to be a complement on his performance he leaves pleased. The next day he is invited by his Japanese Business customers to a round of golf, where one hits a hole in one. Keen to impress, he shouts out the complement he had learned “間違ったクソ穴にね”!! To which the Japanese man replies what do you mean , “you’re in the wrong fucking hole”!

September 5th, 2011, 03:37 PM	#2055
Hot Solar Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Posts: 99 Thanks: 241 Thanked 1,422 Times in 97 Posts	This isn’t a joke, but actually something quite true from a job applicant form I received when I used to work for a company many years ago I thought I would share as it still tickles me. (It was a job not looking for the highest of qualified people) He wrote under Hobbies & Interests I like to try different things I like to go out on the weekends and wanking my dog

September 5th, 2011, 04:05 PM	#2056
Hot Solar Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Posts: 99 Thanks: 241 Thanked 1,422 Times in 97 Posts	*For our UK friends here* An Englishman, Welshman, a Scottish man and an Irish man met in a bar. They all discover that their parents were very patriotic and even tried to plan their birthday to fall on the patron saint of each part of the UK. The Welshman tells them “I was born on Saint David’s day and they called me David” The English man said, well “I was born on Saint George’s day and they called me George” The Scotsman said “I was born on St Andrews day and they called me Andrew” Amazed at the coincidence , they say to the Irishman “ and don’t tell us you was named after your actual day of birth”? “Yes he replies” “So you must be Patrick” “No” he replied “Pancake”

September 5th, 2011, 07:10 PM	#2057
Jeff Vader Moderator (Retired) Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Cheam AKA the land of Cheese and Canals Posts: 6,352 Thanks: 156,898 Thanked 140,030 Times in 6,511 Posts	A man goes in to the library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says "piss off you wont bring it back.

September 5th, 2011, 09:33 PM	#2060
Jeff Vader Moderator (Retired) Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Cheam AKA the land of Cheese and Canals Posts: 6,352 Thanks: 156,898 Thanked 140,030 Times in 6,511 Posts	At school, I always preferred French to Chemistry. Yeah, the Chemistry teacher and I just didn't have any........................rapport