Register on the forum now to remove ALL ads + popups + get access to tons of hidden content for members only!
vintage erotica forum vintage erotica forum vintage erotica forum
vintage erotica forum
Home
Go Back   Vintage Erotica Forums > Discussion & Talk Forum > Funnies
Best Porn Sites Live Sex Register FAQ Members List Calendar Mark Forums Read

Notices
Funnies Got a joke or something funny that you want to share? Post it here!


Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old March 27th, 2017, 11:56 PM   #3381
Sir Honkers
Veteran Member
 
Sir Honkers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Land Of Glorious Leader
Posts: 30,170
Thanks: 285,446
Thanked 384,255 Times in 30,129 Posts
Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by bowlinggreen View Post
I wish every time I took out my dick in front of a pretty woman she would become spellbound by its appearance and feel an overwhelming compulsion to caress it and suck on it.
Granted. One night you are in a bar and you take it out in front of the woman who's the wife of the man who carved up Leroy Brown.
And bowlinggreen learned a lesson 'bout messin' with the wife of a jealous man.

I wish limited hut space meant I had to share with Maryann and Ginger.
Sir Honkers is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Sir Honkers For This Useful Post:
Old March 28th, 2017, 03:32 PM   #3382
trailmaster
Veteran Member
 
trailmaster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA
Posts: 59,801
Thanks: 1,327,975
Thanked 706,210 Times in 59,974 Posts
trailmaster 2500000+trailmaster 2500000+trailmaster 2500000+trailmaster 2500000+trailmaster 2500000+trailmaster 2500000+trailmaster 2500000+trailmaster 2500000+trailmaster 2500000+trailmaster 2500000+trailmaster 2500000+
Smile

You never learn loosegoose. Time travel always causes things to go horribly wrong. Your on Gilligan's Island and you have your own hut with Ginger and MaryAnn. Your bedding down for the night and Ginger and MaryAnn are getting undressed, but when they reach out for you, you run screaming out of the hut, trip over a fallen log and fall into a river where a crocodile is waiting for you. Now you know why Gilligan never made a play for them. Ginger and MaryAnn are shemales!


I wish I could control the weather. Then Chicago winters would always be mild with no snow and no temperatures below 30 degrees F.
trailmaster is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to trailmaster For This Useful Post:
Old March 30th, 2017, 09:40 PM   #3383
bigtrain45
Banned!
 
bigtrain45's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 16,142
Thanks: 47,756
Thanked 215,718 Times in 16,027 Posts
bigtrain45 1000000+bigtrain45 1000000+bigtrain45 1000000+bigtrain45 1000000+bigtrain45 1000000+bigtrain45 1000000+bigtrain45 1000000+bigtrain45 1000000+bigtrain45 1000000+bigtrain45 1000000+bigtrain45 1000000+
Default

Wish granted but the weather god gets confused, and the temperature never galls below 30 C, and more often is above 50 C, causing Lake Michigan to develop so many water-borne diseases that get into the reservoirs that you and all other Chicago residents who survive move to the Yukon.

I wish Donald Trump would fall out of Marine 1 on his next flight from the White House to Andrews AFB, crashing through the roof of a strip club where he is impaled on the pole.
bigtrain45 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old March 30th, 2017, 11:03 PM   #3384
Sir Honkers
Veteran Member
 
Sir Honkers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Land Of Glorious Leader
Posts: 30,170
Thanks: 285,446
Thanked 384,255 Times in 30,129 Posts
Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by bigtrain45 View Post
I wish Donald Trump would fall out of Marine 1 on his next flight from the White House to Andrews AFB, crashing through the roof of a strip club where he is impaled on the pole.
Granted. Mike Pence becomes President. Be afraid...be very afraid.
I wish I could get over my puerile obsession with sex with Ginger and Maryann in their heyday.
Sir Honkers is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Sir Honkers For This Useful Post:
Old March 30th, 2017, 11:42 PM   #3385
teaktop
Veteran Member
 
teaktop's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 7,048
Thanks: 54,148
Thanked 116,875 Times in 7,066 Posts
teaktop 500000+teaktop 500000+teaktop 500000+teaktop 500000+teaktop 500000+teaktop 500000+teaktop 500000+teaktop 500000+teaktop 500000+teaktop 500000+teaktop 500000+
Default

Footstep.look into my eyes ,you are feeling tired .sleepy.hear my voice ...you are cured,banished from your memory.you will never think of them again...

OOPS Sorry dont know how that happened,fancy a tissue?
I want to drink get pissed and in the morning never have a hangover,feel fresh as a daisy
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
teaktop is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to teaktop For This Useful Post:
Old March 31st, 2017, 12:48 AM   #3386
bigtrain45
Banned!
 
bigtrain45's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 16,142
Thanks: 47,756
Thanked 215,718 Times in 16,027 Posts
bigtrain45 1000000+bigtrain45 1000000+bigtrain45 1000000+bigtrain45 1000000+bigtrain45 1000000+bigtrain45 1000000+bigtrain45 1000000+bigtrain45 1000000+bigtrain45 1000000+bigtrain45 1000000+bigtrain45 1000000+
Default

Wish granted, but since the genie does not understand British slang, you get pissed on all night. You wake up feeling fresh as a daisy. A Daisy-shaped urinal cake.

I wish for a night with my favorite model, Jordan West.



bigtrain45 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old April 1st, 2017, 10:24 AM   #3387
old alal
Veteran Member
 
old alal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 3,197
Thanks: 22,904
Thanked 35,047 Times in 3,165 Posts
old alal 175000+old alal 175000+old alal 175000+old alal 175000+old alal 175000+old alal 175000+old alal 175000+old alal 175000+old alal 175000+old alal 175000+old alal 175000+
Default

Granted, but Deaf Genie thought you said Adam West.....KPOW, BAM, CRASH.

I wish I could kiss the gorgeous neck of Thandie Newton which turn her on so much that she wants me as her Part Time Lover.
__________________
Old alal's First Rule Of Breasts

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
When you've seen one pair of breasts.........you want to see every pair of breasts!
old alal is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to old alal For This Useful Post:
Old April 1st, 2017, 10:47 PM   #3388
Sir Honkers
Veteran Member
 
Sir Honkers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Land Of Glorious Leader
Posts: 30,170
Thanks: 285,446
Thanked 384,255 Times in 30,129 Posts
Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by old alal View Post
I wish I could kiss the gorgeous neck of Thandie Newton which turn her on so much that she wants me as her Part Time Lover.
Granted. But Deaf Genie thought you said 'Fart Time Lover' so you can only have sex with her after you have a big feed of baked beans. And they give you such a pain in the tummy that you're not interested in sex.
I wish that while my wife is in Hong Kong, Emma Watson would show up at our apartment wearing a slutty version of her Hogwarts school uniform.
Sir Honkers is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Sir Honkers For This Useful Post:
Old April 2nd, 2017, 10:27 PM   #3389
bowlinggreen
Veteran Member
 
bowlinggreen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 4,186
Thanks: 48,539
Thanked 49,037 Times in 4,183 Posts
bowlinggreen 175000+bowlinggreen 175000+bowlinggreen 175000+bowlinggreen 175000+bowlinggreen 175000+bowlinggreen 175000+bowlinggreen 175000+bowlinggreen 175000+bowlinggreen 175000+bowlinggreen 175000+bowlinggreen 175000+
Default

Wish granted. But you didn't give the reason for her visit.

Emma is full of man-hate because she is getting ogled all the time and having fake naked pictures of her posted on the internet.

So she likes to hook up with unwary perv-admirers and give them the business.

The first thing she does when she steps through the door is put her arms around you. While you are breathless with pleasure and desire, she sticks a syringe full of pentothal into you and presses the plunger home.

After you are helpless and docile, Emma strips you naked and ties you face down on the kitchen table. She then proceeds to whip you bloody with a riding crop, screaming "do you want to fuck me?" with each stroke.

After awhile, you pass out from the pain. But Emma isn't done. She takes a piece of heavy wire and wraps it around the top of your scrotum, and twists it REALLY tight with a big pair of pliers. Then she nails your scrotum to the tabletop with roofing nails.

The last thing she does before she leaves is shove a curling iron up your asshole, plug it in and turn it on.

Wait until you wake up...

I wish it was 1985, and Cindy Crawford was my next door neighbor.
__________________
So much porn, so little time...
bowlinggreen is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to bowlinggreen For This Useful Post:
Old April 2nd, 2017, 11:32 PM   #3390
Sir Honkers
Veteran Member
 
Sir Honkers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Land Of Glorious Leader
Posts: 30,170
Thanks: 285,446
Thanked 384,255 Times in 30,129 Posts
Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+Sir Honkers 1000000+
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by bowlinggreen View Post
I wish it was 1985, and Cindy Crawford was my next door neighbor.
Granted. To escape the disgusting, pervy little boy who lives next door, Cindy Goes To Hollywood. But that's a whole other story.
I wish while she's in Hong Kong on a shopping trip with her friends, my wife sees nothing she thinks is worth spending money on.
Sir Honkers is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Sir Honkers For This Useful Post:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump




All times are GMT. The time now is 06:51 AM.






vBulletin Optimisation provided by vB Optimise v2.6.1 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2024 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.