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Old February 10th, 2017, 02:28 PM   #3331
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Granted. But E is not far away.
With his army of quokkas, he tries to crush you. But pets are too small. Finally you accept
to eat one thousand of his home-made pizzas and you die of cholesterol ++++ .
Heat attack !!

I wish I could reach USA just in 1 second.
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Old February 10th, 2017, 03:41 PM   #3332
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Granted. However, the physical stress of moving at such titanic speed reduces your body to something with the consistancy of runny scrambled eggs.

I wish to be regular.
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Old February 10th, 2017, 09:08 PM   #3333
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I wish to be regular.
Granted. However the love of your life thought you were much sexier when you were a small and leaves you. Now all your sad empty days consist of, is eating tubs of ice-cream and batter coated Mars Bars. Soon you'll be a large.
I wish to know what existed before The Big Bang.
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Old February 10th, 2017, 10:53 PM   #3334
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Wish granted. Before the Big bang there was nothing but atoms, and particles, everywhere all through the endless universe. Over billions and billions of years these particles gradually came together. As they got together in greater and greater numbers gravity was formed which pulled more and more of the atoms and particles together. Then as the atoms and particles got larger they became molecules and there was even more gravity. Billions of years went by and finally the gravity was so strong and the density of the atoms,molecules and particles was so great that there was this titanic explosion we now know was the Big Band. The resulting explosion produced such heat that atoms and molecules fused to become larger and more varied atoms. The elements were formed, and then stars, nebulae, star clusters and planetary systems formed which then over many more billions of years became galaxies. One of these galaxies was ours called the Milky Way and over billions of more years our solar system formed and our planets formed. One of them was Earth. At first the Earth was nothing more than molten rock which took millions of years to cool. As it cooled the molten rock solidified, but on the surface of Earth were thousands of erupting volcanoes. These super volcanoes belched out all the Nitrogen and Oxygen, and water vapor into the atmosphere. Then it started to rain, but it rained for millions of years. The oceans formed and there were supercontinents which over many millions of years moved so that now we have separate continents all over the world. One of the continents is Australia home of weird animals and even weirder people one of which is this guy called loosegoose Oh the hell with this. There was nothing before the Big Bang. Just nothing!!!!


I wish I could have been born in Australia into a rich family, so I would never have to work, just play golf, go to parties and drink and get drunk every night.
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Old February 12th, 2017, 10:58 AM   #3335
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I wish I could have been born in Australia into a rich family, so I would never have to work, just play golf, go to parties and drink and get drunk every night.
Granted. However you mum Gina Rinehart, gets fed up with your lack of work ethic, your womanising and your general layabout uselessness and cuts you off without a farthing. Then takes legal action to extend her guardianship over your trust fund until you turn 90. You are last seen trying to raise the fare back to The States by selling pictures of yourself photobombing quokka selfies.
I wish to be a sentient, vast black cloud drifting through intergalactic space and eating suns.

Last edited by Sir Honkers; February 12th, 2017 at 11:09 AM..
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Old February 12th, 2017, 01:54 PM   #3336
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Wish granted. Your name is Nagelum, and you were accidently created from a strange nebula in our galaxy. You have to survive by eating suns which provide you with Hydrogen, Helium and other elements. One day after many suns have disappeared God appears and is dismayed that the galaxy is losing suns. Since God can be everywhere at once he finds you eating a sun. God says. Hey why are you eating my suns. Do you know how hard it is to create a sun. I can't have you destroying my creations. Nagelum says to God F..k you. God snaps his fingers and the sentient cloud known as Nagelum vanishes . He wakes up on the island of Tasmania south of the continent of Australia. You are now a Tasmanian devil. You say to yourself; God da...it I don't want to be this nasty critter. I was once a great nebulae eating suns and now I am this ugly black thing. You hear this great noise and you look up to see a van coming down a road. You don't know what it is but you stupidly step in front of it and you are smashed flat. Just then a bunch of other Tasmanian devils come out of the woods and feast on your bloody carcass!!

I wish I had a flying car like the one from that movie: The Absent Minded Professor.
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Old February 13th, 2017, 12:22 AM   #3337
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Wish granted. But being the way you are, you start thinking of other uses for Flubber, and from the tires of your car, create Flubber Condoms.

Desiring to test one, you enter a house of ill-repute, and pay a lovely lass for a half hour of her undivided attention.

For the first few seconds, things go well. But then the flubber on its own accord begins banging longer and longer strokes, and you can't stop it. Your penis is stretched out to 15 inches, and you are in agony, to say nothing of the lovely lass who has by now been ruptured as she screams frantically. The bed is full of blood.

Finally something in your penis snaps. You pull away groaning and see that the top part of your member has given way and blood is pouring forth from the stump like champagne at a wedding. The last thing you see before you faint is the flubber still pulsing away in the now largely exsanguinated lady of the evening who was your partner in this horrible pas de deux.


You wake up in the hospital, sans penis and charged with murder.

I wish to go into the basement and find that my toolbox has been magically filled with clean new genuine hundred dollar bills that are not stolen or anyone else's property.
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Old February 13th, 2017, 11:01 PM   #3338
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Wish granted. You go downstairs into your basement one day and open your toolbox and find a stash of brand new hundred dollar bills. You have this big grin on your face. You then start to go back up the stairs, but just before you get to the top one of the stair boards breaks and you fall backwards all the way down the stairs and break your back and neck. You blood soaked body is not found for weeks.


I wish I had a sexy neighbor who had boobs as big and flabby as Milena Velba, and she desires me.
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Old February 14th, 2017, 01:22 AM   #3339
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Milena Velba 51, 'smothers lover to death with her breasts during drunken Sex in caravan'
Witnesses heard boyfriend pleading with her to get off of him

A buxom 14st woman faces manslaughter charges after allegedly smothering her Cowboy lover with her breasts during a drunken romp inside a mobile home.
Milena Velba, 51, from Everett, Washington, is reported to have thrown herself down on top of her boyfriend trailmaster at midday on Saturday.
Police arrived at the scene following reports of shouting coming from inside the mobile home and found Velba lying on top of her boyfriend, 51, who weighed a stone less than her
Doctors tried to save trailmaster but he was pronounced dead on arrival at Washington Swedish Medical Centre.
Velba faces charges of second-degree manslaughter.

I wish to have spidey sense

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Last edited by teaktop; February 14th, 2017 at 01:33 AM..
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Old February 14th, 2017, 11:34 PM   #3340
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Wish granted. You have this sense of danger that Spiderman has in his comic books. Trouble is it happens too late to help you. You're in a bus traveling down a road at high speed and then you get this sense of impending doom. Just then the brakes, and steering fail and the bus driver can't steer and the bus goes off the road, crashes through a railing and falls 1,000 feet into a rocky gorge. The bus is crushed like an egg shell, and your body explodes into bloody fragments spewed over a wide area!!


I wish I could be the only man on a cruise ship of beautiful big breasted women going to Greece.
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