Darwin Awards.

[iufrenchman]

Two Belgian bankrobbers have been named the Darwin Award winners of the year after killing themselves while trying to crack open a cash machine. The pair used so much dynamite that they managed to destroy the entire bank building - and themselves with it.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/s...doors-off.html

[blondifan]

You've been waiting for them with bated breath, so without further ado, here are the 2013 Darwin Awards:

Eighth Place
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

Seventh Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran", accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

Sixth Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand.
People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him.
It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him.
Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

Fifth Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

Third Place
After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store.
The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.
The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.

HONORABLE MENTION
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M.
So they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen.
Apparently they failed to notice that the window was closed.

RUNNER UP
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more excited and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby.
They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge.
His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle.
He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER IS....
Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief.
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.
The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him.
It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... ‘Shit happens'

[rustler]

Originally Posted by blondifan

AND THE WINNER IS....
Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief.
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.
The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him.
It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... ‘Shit happens'

What a classic! But perhaps, not really a true 'Darwin' award, more a freak accident?

However, if I might propose this idiot as a serious contender for an Honourable Mention in Despatches.... stupidity doesn't come much more obvious than this.....

I hope the YT video is allowed.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UngDhdKrFZo

[mrfixit]

However, if I might propose this idiot as a serious contender for an Honourable Mention in Despatches.... stupidity doesn't come much more obvious than this.....

I hope the YT video is allowed.




O M F G I don't use guns and I know not to look down the barrel of a loaded or unloaded gun

[rustler]

Originally Posted by mrfixit

However, if I might propose this idiot as a serious contender for an Honourable Mention in Despatches.... stupidity doesn't come much more obvious than this.....



O M F G I don't use guns and I know not to look down the barrel of a loaded or unloaded gun

Do I take it then that we admit the idiot in the video into our hallowed VEF 'Hall of fame'. It's difficult to get into our Valhalla Hall of Heroes, but I think he deserves it!

[theequestrian]

This is an item I saw reported on the 6PM News on WABC in NYC sometime in the early 1970's. The reporter was a man named Roger Grimsby (If you've ever seen the Woody Allen movie 'Bananas' he appears as himself during a segment of the courtroom scene)

The story goes like this:

A man had just walked into a phone booth - the old kind, with the folding door - on the corner of 59th Street & Lexington Avenue. Two guys in a beat up Chevy Impala pulled up in front of the booth and one of them got out; brandishing a revolver. He pushed the booth door open and proceeded to rob the man on the phone. Then for good measure he pulled the trigger, which broke off in his hand. Quickly he hopped back into the Impala and his friend gunned the car out into traffic: or would have, if the Impala hadn't stalled while the robbery was taking place. These two schmucks then climbed out of the car, popped the hood and feverishly tried to get the car started.
Meanwhile, the man in the phone booth took out some change and dialed the Cops.
Said schmucks were arrested 5 minutes later while they were asking a Cab Driver if he could give their car a jump.

[2cheap]

"RUNNER UP
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more excited and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby.
They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge.
His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle.
He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located. "

Survivors do not get Darwin awards.
They get Honorable Mentions.

[blondifan]

Originally Posted by 2cheap

Survivors do not get Darwin awards.
They get Honorable Mentions.

There is no honour in being an idiot.
Trust me.

For those interested in reading others, Estreeter's link in the thread starter has been updated.

Originally Posted by Estreeter

[Edited]
For a good laugh click here Darwin Awards

[SanteeFats]

I see this all the time and I musty admit I find them hilarious. It is such a relief that so many idiots remove themselves from the gene pool. Unfortunately not enough do.

[beutelwolf]

Hot candidate for 2015 is this botched robbery