September 2nd, 2017, 05:57 PM | #31 |
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She likes me
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September 3rd, 2017, 02:18 PM | #32 |
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I feel your pain VEF brothas!
Told myself this over and over
Until one girl I liked said the following to me: "Do you have a girlfriend?" Turns out that this question is an indicator that a woman is interested in you! Damn me for not taking the next step and asking her out, or else I'd be in her husband's place right now!
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September 3rd, 2017, 02:31 PM | #33 |
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The Biggest Lie I Tell Myself
Women aren't put off by my freakishly inhumanly large sixty inch ,
waist
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September 3rd, 2017, 06:12 PM | #34 |
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I will do it tomorrow and there will still be time
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September 4th, 2017, 01:51 PM | #35 |
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The Biggest Lie I Tell Myself
They`ll respect me in the morning
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September 13th, 2017, 12:41 PM | #36 |
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My lies travel in threes
It was not wrong to use the spare chair in my cubicle as my farting chair to dissuade coworkers from borrowing it without permission.
I enjoy the way people avert their eyes when they pass me in the hallway. The Luminol will not detect any blood on the ceiling because my daily OCD bleaching routine is beyond reproach. |
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September 13th, 2017, 12:53 PM | #37 |
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My lies have friends, even if I don't
I do not regret marrying a beautiful rageaholic, despite my eyesight degrading faster than my hearing.
I know my kids love me because disdain is just delayed affection piling up in my rewards column. I am no longer compelled to follow people home who cut me off in traffic. |
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September 13th, 2017, 01:09 PM | #38 |
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[QUOTE]
(originally by Jake Gittes) Until one girl I liked said the following to me: "Do you have a girlfriend?" Turns out that this question is an indicator that a woman is interested in you! [/QUOTE] That's what I thought, too. Until I found out she and her husband just needed help moving some suspiciously heavy trunks onto their boat. Last edited by PatentHappy; September 13th, 2017 at 01:16 PM.. Reason: Restoring attribution to the quote I botched |
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September 13th, 2017, 06:36 PM | #39 |
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My bald patch will grow back..
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September 13th, 2017, 10:18 PM | #40 |
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All will be well.
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