Post your corny jokes - Page 735

henry_fellows · January 9th, 2014, 12:39 AM

One I made up myself---

The new goalkeeper was amazimg, never missed a catch, never let a penalty kick through.

All the management and team players, the coaches and even the mascots where astonded at his abilities.

Just How do you do it the team manger asked?

Cat Shit, replied the Golie, I rub Catshit on my hands before each game.

Corny Enough?

**gedly** · January 9th, 2014, 07:50 PM

I was surprised when my sister told me that her and Dr. Who are getting divorced. She told me that what happened is that he sort of changed...

**photoflex** · January 10th, 2014, 05:06 AM

Okay, this is a science fiction joke.

It seems like in 1995 or so the pollution in the atmosphere of London has started to kill off all the rooks. And the city government is very concerned because the rooks roosting on the cornices and the odd little crannies of the public buildings are a big attraction. The Yanks with their Kodaks, if you get it. So they say, "What are we going to do?"

They get a lot of brochures from places with climates similar to London's so they can raise the rooks until the pollution problem is finally licked. One place with a similar climate, but low pollution count, turns to be Bangor, Maine. So they put an ad in the paper soliciting bird fanciers and talk to a bunch of guys in the trade. Finally, they engage this one guy at the rate of $50,000 a year to raise rooks. They send an ornithologist over on the concord with two cases of rook eggs packed in these shatterproof cases – they keep the shipping compartment constantly heated and all that stuff. So this guy has a new business –

North American Rook Farms, Inc. He goes to work right off incubating new rooks so London will not become a rookless city. The only thing is, the London City Council is really impatient, and every day they send him a telegram that says: “Bred Any Good Rooks Lately? ”

MaxJoker · January 10th, 2014, 03:37 PM

My girlfriend claims I try to turn everything into a "Quiz".

Bah I ask you !!!.

Is that,

A) Weird
B) Annoying
C) Unfair

**DoctorWho** · January 10th, 2014, 03:55 PM

My girlfriend stated that when we talk, she feels like she is on trial..

I object... The witness is expressing an opinion...

-

**retroanalyst** · January 10th, 2014, 08:15 PM

I had a lot of important things to do today.

Fuck it.

Now I have a lot of important things to do tomorrow.

**DoctorWho** · January 11th, 2014, 12:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by retroanalyst

I had a lot of important things to do today.

Fuck it.

Now I have a lot of important things to do tomorrow.

Now I have a lot of MORE important things to do tomorrow

**bp666** · January 11th, 2014, 08:32 AM

What do you call a man under a car?
Jack.

What do you call a man wearing brown paper trousers?
Russell.

What do you call a man under a car wearing brown paper trousers who pees on the tyres?
Jack Russell.

What do you call a women between two goal posts?
Annette.

What do you call a man who whacks people's butts?
Kane

What do you call a man who can do anything?
Abel

What do you call a man who drinks lots of water but never pees?
Adam.

(Sorry, went all biblical there at the end)

jjcanada · January 11th, 2014, 11:00 AM

She was only the fisherman's daughter but when she saw my rod, she reeled!

**slisse** · January 11th, 2014, 01:35 PM

The young wife was in tears when she opened the door for her husband.

"I've been insulted," she sobbed, "Your mother insulted me."

"My mother!" he exclaimed, "But she is a hundred miles away."

"I know, but a letter marked "Private, for George only" came for you this morning and I opened it."

He looked stern, "I see, but where does the insult come in?"

"In the postscript," she answered, "It said: 'Dear Alice, don't forget to give this letter to George.'"

January 9th, 2014, 12:39 AM	#7341
henry_fellows Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Philippines Posts: 133 Thanks: 2,613 Thanked 2,507 Times in 112 Posts	GoalKeepers Lotion One I made up myself--- The new goalkeeper was amazimg, never missed a catch, never let a penalty kick through. All the management and team players, the coaches and even the mascots where astonded at his abilities. Just How do you do it the team manger asked? Cat Shit, replied the Golie, I rub Catshit on my hands before each game. Corny Enough?

January 10th, 2014, 05:06 AM	#7343
photoflex Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Location: Location Posts: 3,583 Thanks: 37,922 Thanked 127,776 Times in 3,570 Posts	Okay, this is a science fiction joke. It seems like in 1995 or so the pollution in the atmosphere of London has started to kill off all the rooks. And the city government is very concerned because the rooks roosting on the cornices and the odd little crannies of the public buildings are a big attraction. The Yanks with their Kodaks, if you get it. So they say, "What are we going to do?" They get a lot of brochures from places with climates similar to London's so they can raise the rooks until the pollution problem is finally licked. One place with a similar climate, but low pollution count, turns to be Bangor, Maine. So they put an ad in the paper soliciting bird fanciers and talk to a bunch of guys in the trade. Finally, they engage this one guy at the rate of $50,000 a year to raise rooks. They send an ornithologist over on the concord with two cases of rook eggs packed in these shatterproof cases – they keep the shipping compartment constantly heated and all that stuff. So this guy has a new business – North American Rook Farms, Inc. He goes to work right off incubating new rooks so London will not become a rookless city. The only thing is, the London City Council is really impatient, and every day they send him a telegram that says: “Bred Any Good Rooks Lately? ” __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I love your thanks, but please thank the original posters first.

January 10th, 2014, 03:37 PM	#7344
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,560 Times in 69,067 Posts	My girlfriend claims I try to turn everything into a "Quiz". Bah I ask you !!!. Is that, A) Weird B) Annoying C) Unfair __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

January 10th, 2014, 03:55 PM	#7345
DoctorWho Time Lord Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Tomorrow............................. It's a bit complicated Posts: 3,659 Thanks: 91,219 Thanked 94,848 Times in 3,538 Posts	My girlfriend stated that when we talk, she feels like she is on trial.. I object... The witness is expressing an opinion... - __________________ - - - To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. - - - Please Read, Know and Follow the To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

January 10th, 2014, 08:15 PM	#7346
retroanalyst in memoriam Max Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Germany Posts: 3,586 Thanks: 121,981 Thanked 47,461 Times in 3,337 Posts	I had a lot of important things to do today. Fuck it. Now I have a lot of important things to do tomorrow. __________________ Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

January 9th, 2014, 07:50 PM	#7342
gedly Veteran Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 3,234 Thanks: 19,879 Thanked 69,309 Times in 3,171 Posts	I was surprised when my sister told me that her and Dr. Who are getting divorced. She told me that what happened is that he sort of changed...

January 11th, 2014, 08:32 AM	#7348
bp666 Vintage Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 1,073 Thanks: 77,520 Thanked 14,184 Times in 1,074 Posts	What do you call a man under a car? Jack. What do you call a man wearing brown paper trousers? Russell. What do you call a man under a car wearing brown paper trousers who pees on the tyres? Jack Russell. What do you call a women between two goal posts? Annette. What do you call a man who whacks people's butts? Kane What do you call a man who can do anything? Abel What do you call a man who drinks lots of water but never pees? Adam. (Sorry, went all biblical there at the end)

January 11th, 2014, 11:00 AM	#7349
jjcanada Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 441 Thanks: 13,618 Thanked 3,375 Times in 380 Posts	She was only the fisherman's daughter but when she saw my rod, she reeled!

January 11th, 2014, 01:35 PM	#7350
slisse Vintage Member Join Date: May 2011 Location: BE Posts: 2,405 Thanks: 32,668 Thanked 72,518 Times in 2,481 Posts	The young wife was in tears when she opened the door for her husband. "I've been insulted," she sobbed, "Your mother insulted me." "My mother!" he exclaimed, "But she is a hundred miles away." "I know, but a letter marked "Private, for George only" came for you this morning and I opened it." He looked stern, "I see, but where does the insult come in?" "In the postscript," she answered, "It said: 'Dear Alice, don't forget to give this letter to George.'" __________________ Life is short, so try to make the best of it. If any of my links isn't working, please send me a PM so I can fix it. Thank you.

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