Post your corny jokes - Page 234

hubsy · October 4th, 2011, 01:13 PM

Early morning police stop

A Police STOP at 2 AM

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.

The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"

The man replies, "That would be my wife."

**Jeff Vader** · October 4th, 2011, 02:23 PM

For me golf is a lot like a woman; if she isn't holding my wood, she should be holding an iron.

**TCO95** · October 4th, 2011, 08:04 PM

A magician was driving down the road..then he turned into a drive way...

If I had a rooster and you had a donkey and your donkey ate my rooster. What would you have?
2 ft. of my cock in your ass.

what is the difference between acne and a catholic priest?
Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12

**Jeff Vader** · October 4th, 2011, 08:06 PM

Last night the wife asked me where I'd like to be buried
Apparently up to my balls in her sister was the wrong answer

First thing this morning there was a tap on my door. Funny sense of humour my plumber's got.

A guy at work had a right go at me for spelling the word "Armageddon" wrong this morning.
But why bother.. its not the end the world.

I broke into a pet shop today and stole a rabbit.
Then I made a run for it.

Went to see Postman Pat doing stand-up last night
His material wasn't great, but his delivery was excellent

Hot Solar · October 4th, 2011, 09:02 PM

Manchester United :3, Surreal Madrid : Cubes

Hot Solar · October 4th, 2011, 09:12 PM

When I die, I want to go just like my Grand dad , quietly after falling asleep, and not screaming like the two passengers in the back of his car

**Jeff Vader** · October 4th, 2011, 10:54 PM

Walking by the fridge last night, I thought I could hear the spring onions singing a BeeGees song.
Turns out it was just the chives talking.

This morning I was reading a story about a man who has been accused of stabbing people with just knitting needles.
The police say he seems to be following a pattern

I was sitting on the train this morning opposite a really sexy thai girl. I thought to myself please dont get an erection, please dont get an erection.
But she only bloody did

Hired an Eastern European cleaner last week. Took the lazy bitch 5 hours to hoover the apartment.
Turns out she is a Slovak

**Ernesto75** · October 5th, 2011, 12:08 AM

A life long supporter of the labour party was lying on his death bed when he suddenly decided to join the Tory party.

"But why?" asked his puzzled friend, "You're labour through and through… Why change now?"

The man learned forward and explained, "Well, I'd rather it was one of them that died and not one of us."

**Jeff Vader** · October 5th, 2011, 12:48 AM

The girlfriend just broke up with me saying that she couldn't handle any more of my lies, but I reckon it's because my cock was too big for her

**sweatyhat** · October 5th, 2011, 02:25 AM

I knew I shouldn't have let the wife have a go of my new piano.
She put her foot down on the wrong pedal and crashed it into the wall.

Amanda Knox returns to America.
The United States is now believed to be preparing to unveil a bail out plan for Italy.

I rang the samaritans today and told a young girl I was on a tightrope and contemplating jumping.
She said, "Can you stay on the line?"

There's plenty of fish in the sea, but until i catch one, i'm stuck here just holding my rod

You know its bad when your mum has to empty the farts out of your pockets before she puts your trousers in the wash.

What's a necrophiliac's best way to find a girlfriend? Carbon 14 Dating.

October 4th, 2011, 01:13 PM	#2331
hubsy Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2010 Posts: 108 Thanks: 2,416 Thanked 1,892 Times in 107 Posts	Early morning police stop A Police STOP at 2 AM An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late." The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?" The man replies, "That would be my wife."

October 5th, 2011, 12:08 AM	#2338
Ernesto75 Vintage Member Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Planet Earth Posts: 1,106 Thanks: 12,732 Thanked 21,648 Times in 1,096 Posts	Switching sides A life long supporter of the labour party was lying on his death bed when he suddenly decided to join the Tory party. "But why?" asked his puzzled friend, "You're labour through and through… Why change now?" The man learned forward and explained, "Well, I'd rather it was one of them that died and not one of us."

October 5th, 2011, 02:25 AM	#2340
sweatyhat Woodwose Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: In the mud and rain Posts: 10,869 Thanks: 97,859 Thanked 187,919 Times in 10,563 Posts	I knew I shouldn't have let the wife have a go of my new piano. She put her foot down on the wrong pedal and crashed it into the wall. Amanda Knox returns to America. The United States is now believed to be preparing to unveil a bail out plan for Italy. I rang the samaritans today and told a young girl I was on a tightrope and contemplating jumping. She said, "Can you stay on the line?" There's plenty of fish in the sea, but until i catch one, i'm stuck here just holding my rod You know its bad when your mum has to empty the farts out of your pockets before she puts your trousers in the wash. What's a necrophiliac's best way to find a girlfriend? Carbon 14 Dating. __________________

October 4th, 2011, 02:23 PM	#2332
Jeff Vader Moderator (Retired) Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Cheam AKA the land of Cheese and Canals Posts: 6,352 Thanks: 156,898 Thanked 140,021 Times in 6,511 Posts	For me golf is a lot like a woman; if she isn't holding my wood, she should be holding an iron.

October 4th, 2011, 08:04 PM	#2333
TCO95 Veteran Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: This member is not allowed in your country. Posts: 5,176 Thanks: 47,615 Thanked 64,804 Times in 5,130 Posts	A magician was driving down the road..then he turned into a drive way... If I had a rooster and you had a donkey and your donkey ate my rooster. What would you have? 2 ft. of my cock in your ass. what is the difference between acne and a catholic priest? Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12

October 4th, 2011, 08:06 PM	#2334
Jeff Vader Moderator (Retired) Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Cheam AKA the land of Cheese and Canals Posts: 6,352 Thanks: 156,898 Thanked 140,021 Times in 6,511 Posts	Last night the wife asked me where I'd like to be buried Apparently up to my balls in her sister was the wrong answer First thing this morning there was a tap on my door. Funny sense of humour my plumber's got. A guy at work had a right go at me for spelling the word "Armageddon" wrong this morning. But why bother.. its not the end the world. I broke into a pet shop today and stole a rabbit. Then I made a run for it. Went to see Postman Pat doing stand-up last night His material wasn't great, but his delivery was excellent

October 4th, 2011, 09:02 PM	#2335
Hot Solar Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Posts: 99 Thanks: 241 Thanked 1,422 Times in 97 Posts	Manchester United :3, Surreal Madrid : Cubes

October 4th, 2011, 09:12 PM	#2336
Hot Solar Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Posts: 99 Thanks: 241 Thanked 1,422 Times in 97 Posts	When I die, I want to go just like my Grand dad , quietly after falling asleep, and not screaming like the two passengers in the back of his car

October 4th, 2011, 10:54 PM	#2337
Jeff Vader Moderator (Retired) Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Cheam AKA the land of Cheese and Canals Posts: 6,352 Thanks: 156,898 Thanked 140,021 Times in 6,511 Posts	Walking by the fridge last night, I thought I could hear the spring onions singing a BeeGees song. Turns out it was just the chives talking. This morning I was reading a story about a man who has been accused of stabbing people with just knitting needles. The police say he seems to be following a pattern I was sitting on the train this morning opposite a really sexy thai girl. I thought to myself please dont get an erection, please dont get an erection. But she only bloody did Hired an Eastern European cleaner last week. Took the lazy bitch 5 hours to hoover the apartment. Turns out she is a Slovak

October 5th, 2011, 12:48 AM	#2339
Jeff Vader Moderator (Retired) Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Cheam AKA the land of Cheese and Canals Posts: 6,352 Thanks: 156,898 Thanked 140,021 Times in 6,511 Posts	The girlfriend just broke up with me saying that she couldn't handle any more of my lies, but I reckon it's because my cock was too big for her