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April 12th, 2018, 07:03 PM | #13291 |
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My dog"s just turned up at the pub shaking like a leaf,,He knows if i"m not home in 10 minutes he"s getting my dinner,,,,
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April 12th, 2018, 11:06 PM | #13292 |
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I'm pretty sure that even if I had as many as TWO braincells to rub together, I wouldn't get that joke.
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April 12th, 2018, 11:19 PM | #13293 | |
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Adam Ant is a musician best known for, and possibly only known for, a song by the group Adam and the Ants titled "Stand And Deliver." It's like The Joker yelled at Harley Quinn, "But you had to explain it. If you have to explain it, then there is no joke!" Not a lack of brain cells involved, just a lack of funny. |
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April 12th, 2018, 11:34 PM | #13294 |
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I didn't get that either without explanation. I know the word and the meaning in the comics, so I totally missed the (not so) hidden name in there...
Two crazy people walk along the railroad tracks. Says the first one: "Geez, isn't this a long flight of stairs!" |
April 13th, 2018, 04:22 AM | #13295 |
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Doctor - "I'm afraid you're suffering from auto-correct syndrome."
Patient - "I didn't even know I was I'll." |
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April 14th, 2018, 03:03 AM | #13296 |
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A couple were attending their first pre-natal class. So that the husband could get an idea of what it felt like to be pregnant, the instructor strapped a bag of sand to his stomach.
As he walked around with his new bulge, the husband said: “This doesn’t feel too bad.” Then the instructor deliberately dropped a pen and said to the husband: “Now I want you to pick up that pen as if you were pregnant.” “You want me to do it the way my wife would?” confirmed the husband. “Exactly the same,” said the instructor. The husband turned to his wife and said: “Honey, pick up that pen for me.”
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April 14th, 2018, 08:58 AM | #13297 |
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A woman is sitting at her deceased husband’s funeral. A man leans in to her and asks, “Do you mind if I say a word?”.
“No, go right ahead”, the woman replies. The man stands, clears his throat, says “Plethora”, and sits back down. “Thanks”, the woman says, “that means a lot” |
April 14th, 2018, 03:27 PM | #13298 | |
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April 15th, 2018, 02:37 AM | #13299 |
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A bird was flying south for the winter, but had left it too late to set off and found itself frozen solid in a blizzard. It dropped to earth in a field of cows, landing in a massive cow pat, just as it was being deposited by the fattest cow in the field. At first, the bird was disgusted until it realized that the pile of poop was actually thawing him out. As the ice melted and his feathers returned to normal, he tweeted joyously, but the sounds were heard by a nearby cat who promptly crept over and ate the bird.
There are three morals to this story: 1. Not everyone who gets you into shit is your enemy. 2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. 3. If you are in shit, keep your mouth shut.
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April 15th, 2018, 03:33 PM | #13300 |
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