Post your corny jokes - Page 212

**manowar1952** · September 10th, 2011, 05:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by photoflex

My guess is, that manowar1952 is not one of those that take a newspaper in with them.

Just my Kindle.

**HugoHackenbush** · September 10th, 2011, 06:13 PM

The economy is so bad that:

I received a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

They renamed Wall Street " Wal-Mart Street".

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

**Mal Hombre** · September 10th, 2011, 06:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by photoflex

My guess is, that manowar1952 is not one of those that take a newspaper in with them.[/]

Just my Kindle.

I just take My laptop

Hot Solar · September 10th, 2011, 10:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rustler

The Lone Ranger and Tonto ride into a town in the wild west……

They stop and tie their horses up outside the saloon. The Lone Ranger says to Tonto, “I am going inside and I want you to stay out here and run around the horses and make sure that no one goes near them.” Tonto nods in agreement, and the Lone Ranger goes into the saloon....
After about twenty minutes, the local sheriff walks into the saloon and calls out in a loud voice, “Who owns the black and white horse outside?” “I do”, says the Lone Ranger, “is there a problem?” “No”, says the sheriff, “but you’ve left your injun running!”

Brilliant joke, luv it....have you ever thought of why he was called the "LONE" Ranger if Tonto was there too??

Hot Solar · September 10th, 2011, 10:09 PM

Have you ever wondered what "Ocassional Tables" do the rest of the time?

**Jeff Vader** · September 11th, 2011, 07:07 AM

When I was in the supermarket yesterday I saw a sign saying, "If every Sainsbury's customer recycled their cereal box, 750 tonnes of cardboard would be re-used every year. That's the equivalent to 101 double decker buses."It made me realise that I need to make some significant changes to my lifestyle.Starting by not using buses anymore now that I've found out that they're made from re-cycled cardboard

**Ernesto75** · September 11th, 2011, 08:05 AM

George had a very beautiful wife and every Friday she liked to 'have an evening out with the girls.'

He didn't mind at first but as the months went by he began to worry when she arrived home later and later with various nice presents.

At first it was flowers and chocolates, and then expensive clothes and perfumes.

Naturally enough George became suspicious and challenged his wife about all these gifts, but she always claimed that she had won them in a raffle.

One Friday evening she was in a bit of a hurry so she asked George to run the bath for her.

When she stepped into the bath she found the water stone cold and demanded an explanation from George.

'Oh,' said George, 'I just wanted to make sure you didn't scald your raffle ticket.'

hubsy · September 11th, 2011, 08:56 AM

Generosity

A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor. "I feel really good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a twenty dollar bill to a bum."

"You gave a bum twenty whole dollars? That's a lot of money to just give away. What did your husband say about it?"

"Oh, he thought it was the proper thing to do. He said, 'Thanks.'"

**HugoHackenbush** · September 12th, 2011, 03:42 PM

The teacher was leading a class discussion on WWII. She asked if anyone knew of someone who served in the war.

Johnny shot his hand up. "Me Grandfather served in in WWII"

"And did he survive"?

"No he died. A nasty Kraut shot him in the arsehole."

"Rectum, Johnny. Rectum"

"Rectum? Shit. Killed him I'd say."

**Jeff Vader** · September 12th, 2011, 07:25 PM

Not every flower can say love, but a rose can.Not every flower can survive thirst, but a cactus can.Not every vegetable can read, but bless, look at you having a little go!

September 10th, 2011, 06:13 PM	#2112
HugoHackenbush Veteran Marxist Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Wherever it's warm Posts: 14,121 Thanks: 205,952 Thanked 336,514 Times in 14,173 Posts	How Bad is the Economy? The economy is so bad that: I received a pre-declined credit card in the mail. A picture is now only worth 200 words. They renamed Wall Street " Wal-Mart Street". CEO's are now playing miniature golf. Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen. Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Just give me your body - I'll give you my brain - it's a fair exchange

September 11th, 2011, 08:05 AM	#2117
Ernesto75 Vintage Member Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Planet Earth Posts: 1,106 Thanks: 12,732 Thanked 21,648 Times in 1,096 Posts	The raffle ticket George had a very beautiful wife and every Friday she liked to 'have an evening out with the girls.' He didn't mind at first but as the months went by he began to worry when she arrived home later and later with various nice presents. At first it was flowers and chocolates, and then expensive clothes and perfumes. Naturally enough George became suspicious and challenged his wife about all these gifts, but she always claimed that she had won them in a raffle. One Friday evening she was in a bit of a hurry so she asked George to run the bath for her. When she stepped into the bath she found the water stone cold and demanded an explanation from George. 'Oh,' said George, 'I just wanted to make sure you didn't scald your raffle ticket.'

September 11th, 2011, 08:56 AM	#2118
hubsy Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2010 Posts: 108 Thanks: 2,416 Thanked 1,892 Times in 107 Posts	Generosity A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor. "I feel really good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a twenty dollar bill to a bum." "You gave a bum twenty whole dollars? That's a lot of money to just give away. What did your husband say about it?" "Oh, he thought it was the proper thing to do. He said, 'Thanks.'"

September 12th, 2011, 03:42 PM	#2119
HugoHackenbush Veteran Marxist Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Wherever it's warm Posts: 14,121 Thanks: 205,952 Thanked 336,514 Times in 14,173 Posts	The teacher was leading a class discussion on WWII. She asked if anyone knew of someone who served in the war. Johnny shot his hand up. "Me Grandfather served in in WWII" "And did he survive"? "No he died. A nasty Kraut shot him in the arsehole." "Rectum, Johnny. Rectum" "Rectum? Shit. Killed him I'd say." __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Just give me your body - I'll give you my brain - it's a fair exchange

September 10th, 2011, 10:09 PM	#2115
Hot Solar Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Posts: 99 Thanks: 241 Thanked 1,422 Times in 97 Posts	Have you ever wondered what "Ocassional Tables" do the rest of the time?

September 11th, 2011, 07:07 AM	#2116
Jeff Vader Moderator (Retired) Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Cheam AKA the land of Cheese and Canals Posts: 6,352 Thanks: 156,898 Thanked 140,020 Times in 6,511 Posts	When I was in the supermarket yesterday I saw a sign saying, "If every Sainsbury's customer recycled their cereal box, 750 tonnes of cardboard would be re-used every year. That's the equivalent to 101 double decker buses."It made me realise that I need to make some significant changes to my lifestyle.Starting by not using buses anymore now that I've found out that they're made from re-cycled cardboard

September 12th, 2011, 07:25 PM	#2120
Jeff Vader Moderator (Retired) Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Cheam AKA the land of Cheese and Canals Posts: 6,352 Thanks: 156,898 Thanked 140,020 Times in 6,511 Posts	Not every flower can say love, but a rose can.Not every flower can survive thirst, but a cactus can.Not every vegetable can read, but bless, look at you having a little go!