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June 27th, 2014, 03:13 PM | #281 |
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Gather ye all round, to learn the latest V.E.F news flash up to date update that`ll utterly astound !.
Guess what fellow readers of the rigorous riotous righteous !.
Been wondering who may replace that Italian bloke that done attempted to manage England`s gray, I mean, golden era boys ?. Hah, then wonder no more. As this iron lung dwelling syphilitic addicted to all known drugs, always high, highly disrespected V.E.F roving Veteran reporter has "Da scoop" to end all scoops Uh -Cough- Huh. Turns out England's new manager will be no other than (Lamely Less) Roy (FA Yes Man) Hodges !. Exactly !. Could any of you come up with a better leader ?. I mean once you discount several hundred million others , including Postman Pat. Or even Jess his cat Yet let`s not live in the "If only" era. As I`m sure this bewildered elderly flatulent morally bankrupt sell out loser (No relation) is exactly the dead battery our national side needs to re-energize itself In fact when I by pure chance , broke into his home. Then shook him awake and asked him to tell the forum nation what ideas he had planned to carry our extortionately over paid squad of tossers to at least the quarter finals !. He said , Well actually all he did was point to the bathroom in blank eyed panic. Shit himself while blaming others for the stench. Then pretended none of it was his fault. Exactly, Same old same old
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August 10th, 2014, 03:06 PM | #282 |
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January 19th, 2016, 06:08 PM | #283 |
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Currently sponsored by the Daily Mail ..Not that you`d notice .
Jizz just chin fellow avid new hounds
Internet goes into viral meltdown over Cheryl Kale (As was) finding loathe with Pepe Le Pew Thankfully my local constabulary is amenable to bribes. So I was quickly out of the cell and immediately on hand to take snaps (As in Dong Snaps my Chinese photographer) with me to immortalise the scene. "What do you like most about your soon to be white flag waving husband ?" I said , while opening a ninth can. "His fabulous tan" the super talented songstress replied. Her blank dead eyes rolling back inside her head. I know, I know... It`s like they were meant toooo beee Hey call me an old romantic crack meth whiskey mead crayon eating addict with prior convictions for fiddling with me giblets down at my local Tesco express , If you want. Only I predict this couples of couple will be happily married for many many many grinning years to come Or my names not Mrs Mable Hilda Beauregard Snr
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June 22nd, 2016, 06:10 PM | #284 |
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Now sponsored by the Murdoch corporation , with no noticable difference in journalistic quality .
Attention barely still awake news hounds addicted to news breaking news !
Guess the terrific pairing of actors who got married today Yeah sorry , using the term "Actors" was kind of a trick question. They have however for some reason been paid to appear in films. Indeed, Congratulations. Mrs N Mr Said-Dimp who are now officially married An unnamed source told me tomorrow In fact they also told me the classy couple were kinda devastated I`d not been there. Even pointing and wondering so was their understandable grief. So aggrieved they intend calling their first born after me in tribute. Fortunate for their kid that Parasite is unisex So what do you most like about married life Jim ?, I inquired with a rueful grimace. " I get to see her naked you ugly bastard" That satin Lothario answered with a twinkle Ahhh and what do you most like about married life Amy ? , I spatula-ted with a beguiling nose sneeze . " The cretin doesn't mind I keep my eyes closed whenever he`s naked" She replied , matching my sneeze with a something altogether more meaty and long lasting . Typing of long lasting. Call me a degenerate meth addict who`s on the run for crimes involving an underage mayfly and a jar of Bovril , if you will. Yet I predict the Deppseses will enjoy a long and happy marriage. That`s tight , you rode it beer first
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July 15th, 2016, 02:54 PM | #285 |
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A parental advisory warning before this news story Mums and Dads, lock up your kids, there is new growing fad that can harm your children's health and risk becoming "to cool" The new fad allows youngsters to carry around their music wherever go, even a few cassettes Ghetto Blasters or Boom Boxes as they're known are all the rage, so Mmms and Dads, save up a few bucks, the kids are gonna want them for Christmas....... But only after a good beatin' Santa gives them first for being shitheads most of the year
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July 16th, 2016, 07:03 PM | #286 |
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While on tour of the dark continent philosopher, statesman, scientist, jurist, orator, author and part time pastry chef Francis Bacon has been eaten by cannibals. His travel mates Eddie Beers and Fiona Apple are missing and presumed delicious.
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July 16th, 2016, 07:31 PM | #287 |
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Fish Yeah that's right , you heard about it first here The latest fruit of the oceans have been discovered & found to be tasty. Rumours abound from the middle east a few years ago where a severe lack of liquid did not deter a young woodworker, retraining as a water-walker, fell through & came out of the water with a Lampray attached to a delicate area of his body A young Mr Magdelaine said at first he asked his step-father WTF? but unsatisfied with the answer the determined man later asked his birth-father at bedtime (strange family if you ask me) The reply was unsettling, "serves you right son", but the advice was good. Whack it in the pan, give it 5 mins per side and serve with chips Coming to a market near you soon if only to stink the place out Fish, the new miracle food that is claimed to feed thousands Fish I'll say it again .., Fish as Tony the tiger says, "They're Food"
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July 16th, 2016, 07:54 PM | #288 |
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July 17th, 2016, 04:17 PM | #289 |
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I've just been watching a fascinating documentary on Channel 5 about this Alfred Hitler guy
somebody should do something before he gets taken with his own publicity Surely (yes I did just call you Shirley) can't Prime Minister Tony Blairs come-up with some sort of dossier to persuade the world he's a very naughty boy and maybe should be treated with some suspicion at least until he has finished his chores & done his art school homework I read more about him here
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July 17th, 2016, 04:46 PM | #290 |
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Erratum
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