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Old 12-14-2016, 05:43 PM   #12191
BondJmsBond
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Apparently there's a strain of herpes that has crossed over to birds.

Scientists have dubbed it Chirpees, and say it's virtually untweetable.
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Old 12-14-2016, 05:48 PM   #12192
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PJayBr View Post
I see Battersea Dog's Home has gone bust. They've had to call in the retrievers.....
Gone bust have they, that's ruff.
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Old 12-14-2016, 06:00 PM   #12193
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Originally Posted by BondJmsBond View Post
Apparently there's a strain of herpes that has crossed over to birds.

Scientists have dubbed it Chirpees, and say it's virtually untweetable.
I hear it's a canarial disease.
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Old 12-14-2016, 06:50 PM   #12194
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"Constipated, Watson?"
"No shit, Sherlock".
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Old 12-14-2016, 07:52 PM   #12195
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"Constipated, Watson?"
"No shit, Sherlock".
Alimentary,Watson...
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Old 12-14-2016, 10:06 PM   #12196
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I see Battersea Dog's Home has gone bust. They've had to call in the retrievers.....
I used to work at an ice lolly factory that closed. It went into liquidation.
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Old 12-15-2016, 01:11 PM   #12197
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Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to the counter, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best sex in town!" Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-eeeeeet!" Again, the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!" Finally, the guy interrupts. "Go home, dad, you're drunk."
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Old 12-16-2016, 01:16 AM   #12198
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"Constipated, Watson?"
"No shit, Sherlock".
"Let me have a look, Watson. I may be able to tell you what's wrong".

"Alright, Holmes".

"Ah, I see. You've got a citrus fruit stuck up there".

"What?"

"It's a lemon entry, my dear Watson".
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Last edited by seany65; 12-16-2016 at 01:35 AM..
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Old 12-16-2016, 02:20 AM   #12199
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Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse approaches the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You're the father of twins.” “That's odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!” A nurse then yells the second man, “Congratulations! You're the father of triplets!” “That's weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!” A nurse goes up to the third man saying, “Congratulations! You're the father of quadruplets." “That's strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!” The last man begins groaning and banging his head against the wall. “What's wrong?” the others ask. “I work for 7 Up!”
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Old 12-16-2016, 11:27 PM   #12200
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I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays."

So this lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.
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