Humorous and/or perceptive song lyrics

[nckgmd]

[Chong]
Up in smoke
That's where my money goes
In my lungs
And sometimes up my nose
When troubled times
Begin to bother me
I take a toke
And all my cares
Go up in smoke

[Cheech]
Up in smoke
Donde todos es mi rey
There are no signs
Que dice no fumer
So I roll un "bomber"
Y me doy, un buen toke-ay
Y despues I choke
Y todos mis cares
Go up in smoke
Come on let's go get high

[Cast]
Up in smoke
That's where I wanna be
'Cause when I'm high
The world below
Don't bother me
When life begins
To be one long
And dangerous road
I take a toke
And all my cares
Go up in smok

[nckgmd]

"I'm Gonna Roll Ya"

No copulation, no revolution
Said the young Marquis de Sade
But all the whips in France ain't gonna get me
Fuckin' on a barracade
From the schoolboys on it was one big con
As we hung around the hockey teams
In each boys brain the dream was the same
All I ever went to do is get laid

Now the whole wide world has a better idea
And it shook us all to the core
You follow some two-year fairy tale
Into happy evermore
The sleepy priest at the bridal feast
His hands make a holy sign
And as the bride hoes into the wedding cake
She's a-singin' in the back of her mind

Come on, come on
I'm gonna roll ya all night long...

Well I took that crap for a little while
And it kept me off the street
Then I met me a lady with a shady past
And manners like a dog on heat
Those musos hummin' when they see her comin'
Make a noise like a hurricane
When you see that line at the dressing-room door
You know she's just spread 'em for the boys again

Well there ain't nothin' better than to rip your sweater
In a bang behind the stage
Or the drawn out sigh as you feel her thigh
Then you stop and estimate her age
If she's turned fourteen she's a rock'n'roll queen
You can give her anything you choose
And when she whispers Honey it's the money or the box
You know money's so easy to lose

Come on, come on
I'm gonna roll ya all night long...

[Almero]

WEIRD AL YANKOVIC
"Amish Paradise"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOfZLb33uCg

As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain
I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain
But that's just perfect for an Amish like me
You know, I shun fancy things like electricity
At 4:30 in the morning I'm milkin' cows
Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows... fool
And I've been milkin' and plowin' so long that
Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone
I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline
Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin
But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine
Then tonight we're gonna party like it's 1699

We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
I've churned butter once or twice
Living in an Amish paradise
It's hard work and sacrifice
Living in an Amish paradise
We sell quilts at discount price
Living in an Amish paradise

A local boy kicked me in the butt last week
I just smiled at him and turned the other cheek
I really don't care, in fact I wish him well
'Cause I'll be laughing my head off when he's burning in hell
But I ain't never punched a tourist even if he deserved it
An Amish with a 'tude? You know that's unheard of
I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat
And my homies agree, I really look good in black...fool
If you come to visit, you'll be bored to tears
We haven't even paid the phone bill in 300 years
But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare
We're just technologically impaired

There's no phone, no lights, no motorcar
Not a single luxury
Like Robinson Crusoe
It's as primitive as can be

We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
We're just plain and simple guys
Living in an Amish paradise
There's no time for sin and vice
Living in an Amish paradise
We don't fight, we all play nice
Living in an Amish paradise

Hitchin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter
Raised a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise another
Think you're really righteous? Think you're pure in heart?
Well, I know I'm a million times as humble as thou art
I'm the pious guy the little Amlettes wanna be like
On my knees day and night scorin' points for the afterlife
So don't be vain and don't be whiny
Or else, my brother, I might have to get medieval on your heinie

We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
We're all crazy Mennonites
Living in an Amish paradise
There's no cops or traffic lights
Living in an Amish paradise
But you'd probably think it bites
Living in an Amish paradise

[Denaniel]

Reviving this old thread only because it's the most appropriate place to post this funny, sarcastic ballad to Manly Men.

I first heard the author, Greg Keeler, sing this at a campfire. Many of us had already been drinking for hours, and laughed so hard we were in danger of falling into the fire. Several of us learned the song and sang it at many campfires thereafter.

I recommend listening to the youtube version, sung by the song writer, before you read the lyrics. You might even wait until you've had a few beers to really appreciate the humor.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tivywhNvv4

The Manly Men Song
by Greg Keeler

We're men among men
And manly men
Yes manly men are we
We're men among manly
Men among manly
Manly men are we

We'll sail up north
And cross the ice
And cross the barren snowfields
You gotta be tough
And you gotta be a man
To club the baby harp seals
To club the baby harp seals

We're men among men
And manly men
Yes manly men are we
We're men among manly
Men among manly
Manly men are we

We'll drive out west
On a buffalo hunt
In a venture bold and daring
We'll shoot one again
And again and again
While the others stand there staring
While the others stand there staring

We're men among men
And manly men
Yes manly men are we
We're men among manly
Men among manly
Manly men are we

When we shoot him down
He'll get back up
So we'll shoot him down again
But he'll get back up
So we'll shoot him down
'Cause we are manly men
Yes we are manly men

And a man's gotta do
What a man's gotta do
When a man is a man among men
Yes a man among men's gotta do
What a man's gotta do
As a man among men

We'll hunt the black rhinoceros down
On the plains so dry and hot
We'll blow him over
And take his horn
And leave the rest to rot
Yes leave the rest to rot

And a man's gotta do
What a man's gotta do
When a man is a man among men
Yes a man among men's gotta do
What a man's gotta do
As a man among men

We'll take that horn
And sell it to
Our Taiwanese connections
They'll grind it up into medicine
So men can get erections
So men can get erections

And a man's gotta do
What a man's gotta do
When a man is a man among men
Yes a man among men's gotta do
What a man's gotta do
As a man among men

We're men among men
And manly men
Yes manly men are we
We're men among manly
Men among manly
Manly men are we

C'mon men, lets' kill it!
What are we?
Women?

[electile disfunction]

"Pretty women out walking with gorillas down my street ..."

Hilarious first line of Is She Really Going Out With Him? by Joe Jackson.

e.d.

[bloke57]

"Life's like a jigsaw - you get the straight bits - but there's something missing in the middle"

From "All of a Sudden" by XTC

"Will you smile like any mother as you bathe your brand new twins. Will you sing about the missiles as you dry odd numbered limbs"

From "This World Over" by XTC

In fact virtually any lyric from any XTC song.

[wimbo77]

The Smiths

'' Hand in glove. The sun shines out of our behinds. ''

" My eyes have seen the glory of the sacred wonderkind
you took me behind a disused railway line and said
I know a place where we can go
where we are not known"
and you gave me something that I won't forget too soon ''

[wimbo77]

Pulp - Pencil Skirt

When you raise your pencil skirt
Like a veil before my eyes
Like the look upon his face as he's zipping up his flies
Oh, well, I know that you're engaged to him
Oh, but I know that you want something to play with baby
I'll be around when he's not in town
Oh, yeah, I'll show you how you're doing it wrong
Oh, I really love it when you tell me to stop, oh-oh
Oh, it's turning me on