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Old January 26th, 2009, 08:30 PM   #71
motte
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A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's rates. "$50.00 for three questions," replied the lawyer. "Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man. "Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what was your third question?"
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Old January 28th, 2009, 02:53 PM   #72
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A man dies and goes to Heaven.
After a couple days, St Peter asks the man what he thinks.
"I don't see any of my Christian friends", said the man.
St Peter responds, "They're on the other side of that big wall. They think that they're the only ones here".
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Old January 28th, 2009, 02:53 PM   #73
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Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
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Old January 28th, 2009, 02:54 PM   #74
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As soon as they finished making love, Susie jumped up from the bed and started packing her suitcase.

"What on Earth are you doing ?" asked her puzzled husband.

"In Las Vegas I could get two hundred dollars for what I gave you for free," she pointed out, "so I'm moving to Las Vegas."

This was enough to provoke her husband to jump up and begin packing his bags.

"What're you up to?" asked Susie in surprise.

"I'm following you to Las Vegas," he replied. "I've got to see you live off six hundred dollars a year."
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Old January 29th, 2009, 08:48 AM   #75
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At a pharmacy, a blonde asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms. The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant's weight by weighing the blonde and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first.

"It won't work, I'm the aunt."
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Old January 29th, 2009, 08:49 AM   #76
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In Vegas, a blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins.

She returns and starts feeding the machine madly, and of course the machine keeps popping out the drinks.

Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping her and asking if someone else could have a go. The blonde spins around and shouts in her face: "Can't you see I'm winning!?"
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Old January 29th, 2009, 08:49 AM   #77
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A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"

Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet".

So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."

"Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"
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Old January 29th, 2009, 08:33 PM   #78
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"Doctor, I think my wife's been dead for two weeks."
"How do you know?"
"Well, the sex is the same, but then I noticed the laundry and dirty dishes are starting to pile up!"
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Old January 31st, 2009, 12:22 PM   #79
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Thumbs up wal mart

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in
their cart.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.
"They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans," he replies.
"Put them back, we can't afford them," demands the wife,
and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar
of face cream and puts it in the basket.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.
"Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the
wife.
Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and its
half the price!"
On the PA system: "Cleanup on aisle 25, husband down."



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Old January 31st, 2009, 10:41 PM   #80
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Big Grin penis enlargement

White guy standing next to black dude in the toilets, Hey man how'd you guys get such big dicks he asks.

Black Guy joking to the white Guy says, our mothers tie a brick to the end of it when we are small, the weight of the brick stretches it.
I'm gonna try that says the white guy and off he goes.

A month later Black guy sees the white guy standing in the toilets again.
Hey man he says, joking again, did you try tying a brick to your dick.

Much to his surprise the white Guy says yeah , for the last month I've had a brick tied to my dick.

Did it work asks the black guy. It's half worked says the white guy , it hasn't got any longer but its turned black !
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