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May 22nd, 2017, 04:38 PM | #12291 |
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May 22nd, 2017, 07:08 PM | #12292 |
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Just heard that the rock band "Dislexia" has agreed to finally release their last album.
After much debate, they have decided to name the album "Our Greatest Shit" |
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May 22nd, 2017, 08:51 PM | #12293 |
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My girlfriend and I are trying to compile a list of songs by The Carpenters.
We've only just begin. |
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May 22nd, 2017, 09:13 PM | #12294 |
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Location: In a cave, havn't you been paying attention?
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- The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough frequent flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stockmarket, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex. "Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen. "Pretty much the way you do,"responds the Martian. Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another. Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weeny member about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick. I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen. "Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?" "Well," she replies, "It's just not long enough to reach me!" "No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long. "Well," she says, "That's quite impressive, but it's still pretty narrow...." "No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull,his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman. "Wow!" she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad, passionate love. The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go their separate ways. As they walk along, Mike asks "Well, was it any good?" "I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was pretty wonderful. How about you?" "It was horrible," he replies, All I got was a headache. All she kept doing the whole time was slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."
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May 22nd, 2017, 10:55 PM | #12295 |
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Question ....What's the difference between an Airfix set and Jeremy Corbin?
Answer ....The Airfix set is a glueless kit. |
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May 22nd, 2017, 11:19 PM | #12296 |
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Autistic kids rock.
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May 23rd, 2017, 10:50 AM | #12297 |
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What do you call a snake that's around 3.1415 feet long?
A python. |
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May 23rd, 2017, 10:51 AM | #12298 |
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Funeral costs are so bloody expensive these days.
At my mother-in-law's, after paying for the bouncy castle and pony rides, we could barely afford the face-painting. |
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May 23rd, 2017, 08:43 PM | #12299 |
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I like my coffee like my women.
White, with big tits and can suck a golfball through a hose. Starbucks don't do one apparently and now I'm "not welcome" there anymore. |
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May 23rd, 2017, 08:45 PM | #12300 |
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And so God created Eve from Adam's rib.
Makes you wonder what Adam was attempting to do that required the removal of a rib, and gave God the idea to make a woman. |
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