How do you cope with the lady in your life?

[sandhunter]

As someone who has been married to the same woman for 36+ years , I can tell you that women are still a mystery to me , before we were married one of our exfriends.girlfriend decided that I didn't need to hang around with him and one night she took a knife and held it to my throat(she drew blood) and said I would never come around again , so my wife and I never saw them again , we heard later they broke up but that was one crazy night , which brings me to this my wife always reminds me that she promised to love me , Till Death Do We Part and I believe her

[Roubignol]

Originally Posted by tamsmith

I'm sorry Loose ......
Ten years ago I was involved in voluntary work helping "families in difficulties". Nothing to do with money problems. Mainly relationship problems.

Believe me, it was not all down to male testosterone.

I even had a meeting where a women came with a knife and produced it when her husband started to tell his side of the story.

When I was about 20 years old, I've seen by myself, one friend who was slapped in front of all of us and he didn't made something THAT wrong.
He looked at a nice woman like we all looked.
But his girlfriend was terribly jealous.
He became red of shame, but didn't slap her in return.
I shouted at his place against her, that she had not to slap him.

Another story that was reported by my brother.
He was working in association that managed concert.
Two friends created this association... and the problems started when they enroled female friends and sisters and one bad guy who wanted to take the control of the association.

One night after a concert, one of the manager said to the sister of the other manager that she made a very bad job. (She didn't order enough plastic glasses and in the middle of the night, it was impossible to serve a drink to the clients.)

According to my brother and some friends who were there, he was unhappy but polite.
What happened? She slapped him in front of all the members of the administration.
He didn't slap her back.

I've got several stories that are more or less of the same type:
- women telling loudly in the public transports that her boyfriend is stupid (not in a funny manners)
- women provocating disputes in concert hoping that their huge boyfriend will fight for her.
- in very rare cases (maximum 3 times in my life) but having seen, women slapping a man and never having their slap in return. And why? Because they know that's considered to be the worst shame that a man slap a woman.
- women viciously disminishing verbally their husband during ceremonies, during a meal, etc...

I don't speak about funny jokes that we all make. I can laugh with men and women laughing at me or on someone else for fun.
But it's immediatly understandable when people (men or women) say wicked words to injured the others.
And at this little game, all men will say that women are excellent.

I don't say that all "violented" men are angels.
For sure some of them are lazy, are disgusting, are stupid. But in this case Señoritas why do you live with them? Why did you choose to move in together.
That's not that difficult to see that after several monthes of the beginning of the relationship that your boyfriend was a pathetic clown.

[Roubignol]

Originally Posted by rosestone

.... genital mutilation, these are almost exclusively male crimes. But still, two wrongs don't make a right.

I agree with what your wrote, apart this underlined fact.
I listened several times radio reports about genital mutilations.
That's women and very often great mothers who push the mother and sometimes take their grand-daughters back to Africa or some parts of Asia on holiday to cut away the clitoris.
In the country itself, these genital mutilations are perpetraded by old women who already were mutilated.

Men don't cut clitoris.
The worst story in this, it's that the tradition recommend to young men to get a mutilated woman, like that they will live with a "more peaceful" wife.

During these radio reports, I've heard testimonies about this horrible "tradition", it was unbelievable.
Great mother, mother, future young husband telling: "It's like that, it's tradition."

Originally Posted by rosestone

I have experienced one shocking incident of violence by a female on her boyfriend. ..... I don't think she was ever reported to the police.

Exactly.

Just replying to loosegose, men and women don't have any right to use any forms of violence (mentally, verbally, physically) against their partners.

[73north]

Originally Posted by 73north

I managed to trigger an almighty row on Saturday Night
I decided a week ago to get a print that I had made of Rachel Broome
from Mayfair Magazine 1976 ( an old favourite of mine ) -
and collected it from the Framer , trouble was I was dumb enough to leave it on my desk - where my wife spotted it , before I had a chance to place it on the wall - for display
She was not happy , yet as you can see , there's no nudity and its harmless -

as an update , now that time has elapsed
I put my picture in a different spot , on the opposite wall
above my tall bookcase - and its worked - she's either ignored it
or not spotted it !
Job Done !

[Roubignol]

Originally Posted by 73north

as an update , now that time has elapsed
I put my picture in a different spot , on the opposite wall
above my tall bookcase - and its worked - she's either ignored it
or not spotted it !
Job Done !

I've got a little bit "out of topic" question!

Would you be upset if your wife put a poster of her favorite male personnality in her personnal room?

I ask that because, several years ago, I worked with a Portuguese man.
Oh dear, this man was a pathetic macho.
He told me that he won 5000 € at the lottery. So he put all his family in the airplane and sent on holiday in Portugal.
He stayed alone at home and spent all his money with a prostitute.
The most pathetic thing that he even was jalous against her other customers. He wanted "the exclusivity".

And I asked him: "What if your woman would have done the same thing that you did?"
He proudly replied: "I'd kill her. Because she can't behave like me, she's the mother of my children."



I worked with a lot of Portuguese and Italian people.
For sure there a several type of behaviours between them, but the main philosophy is that they can be infidel with their female partner, but their female partner couldn't be infidel. It's like a crime for these guys.

IMO, that's not fair from them.

What is your point of view?

[73north]

my point of view - I am not the jealous type
if she put up a male personality picture , frankly not a big deal
live and let live . etc

[MaxJoker]

She`s not the lady in my life. She is however a lady causing strife
After receiving more than one too many repetitive dreary downer texts and emails from this woman I know. Today I've quit the sodding one sided cheerleader life coach psychiatrist roll (Best way to describe it). Ignoring what shes droned on about (It`s almost always the same thing) this time. Instead mentioned some of what happened last night along with how my morning is going. But that`s all.
It`s true when it comes to women I`m annoyingly predisposed to put their needs first. Partly and as I'd written previously. Because I can't stand dramas and want a quiet life.
Anyway I`ll see what the response is.
Eventually (Maybe) she`ll cotton on I've finally decided to relinquish having to take part in her never ending misery.
Which I have

[sammler]

I've been married for 30 years. We don't agree on a lot of things, but when it comes to the big things in life, we see eye to eye.

A few things I learned over the years: I'm a pretty rational person and am trying to apply logic to every problem. That doesn't work with my wife. I don't understand her argumentation. At all. Just doesn't make sense to me. But I've learned that I need to listen. No talking back, no justification, no arguments. Just listen. That alone makes her feel better apparently.

And the second big takeaway for me: We both have full trust in each other. No lies. I don't tell her everything, but I'm not hiding anything. And we give each other space. I don't have to like everything she likes to do and she doesn't have to like all of my activities. Same for friends: We have shared friends, but we also have friends the other one doesn't really care too much about. As long as neither side is forced into doing something we don't like everything is ok.

rosestone, maybe one way to defuse the emotional side of your arguments could be to write down the gripes. Each of you could write down a list of things that bother him / her. Then rank the list on how important it is to fix the issue. Exchange the lists, but don't argue about them. Just read them, let them sink in for a day or two. Then find out which one of the points you feel capable to do something about and make a list of what you could offer to reduce the gripes. And then sit down and talk about the offers. Bottom line: Try to find solutions instead of trying to analyze the problems.

[rosestone]

Originally Posted by MaxJoker

It`s true when it comes to women I`m annoyingly predisposed to put their needs first. Partly and as I'd written previously. Because I can't stand dramas and want a quiet life.

This is me too, absolutely. It's not a good idea, but I'm the same, I even say this to my wife "My response to your question is whatever response will get me a quiet life." This is a frequent complaint of her's, that I indulged her for so long, how dare I not continue to do so? (I'm paraphrasing her argument). It's not her fault for being mad, it's my fault for making her believe she could behave as she does. And she's probably right about that.

But I simply can't stand drama. Can't bear it, can't be around it, find it physically repulsive. I don't understand why I can't just lead a quiet life. We actually went to marriage counselling, and the therapist described me as being my wife's "nurse".

It's dangerous, because just as men have our ridiculous ego, a woman can't help but push her husband/boyfriend as far as possible, to see what his limits are. It's evolutionary biology I think, she has to keep 'seeing what she can get away with' to judge what resources he has, because she needs to know to decide if she is going to allow him to impregnate her, will he protect her and their children when they're vulnerable, and so on. Doesn't make it any less of a pain in the neck.

So I'm sorry to say Max, that you and I probably need to be much more forthright about setting boundaries.

[rlg118]

Not talking about politics is a good start. You see, her sources are all impeccable, and mine are 100% wrong. (Even if she cannot name even one.)