What I've Learned From Watching Porn. - Page 2

**DTravel** · July 14th, 2009, 04:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FlyStrat

When a woman takes a shower her hair doesn't get wet, and she only needs to repeatedly massage her breasts to be clean.

Sarah Silverman does a joke about how if a woman takes a shower with her boyfriend/husband her breasts are guaranteed to be squeaky clean.

**bfg9000** · July 16th, 2009, 12:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by daddynick

What I've Learned From Watching Porn

Feel free to add your own lessons...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes,
the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove
your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.

Nobody ever farts in a porn film or ate a big mexican dinner before a shoot!
P.S. - Love the above quote!

Sandy Claws · July 16th, 2009, 06:14 AM

........ fanny farts are rare.

**bawjaws** · August 4th, 2009, 06:53 PM

women with big tits tend to suck their own nipples a lot
no women ever wear big pants
they really don't mind if you cum all over their expensive leather couch
or their hair
nobody falls asleep after sex
a villa simming pool is for having sex in
girls with big breasts always go jogging braless
or play tennis
in showers or baths fannys really really need a lot of cleaning

zarafan · August 4th, 2009, 08:06 PM

However, if you wear a mask you're real life partner will not recognise you.[/QUOTE]

When a mask isn't available, sunglasses will do the trick just fine....

And shoes aren't really comfortable unless the heels are at least 6 inches high.

And it's neither necessary nor pleasurable to undress completely during sex.

And no guy ever feels embarrassed after seeing his pal naked and screwing his wife with him.

And slapping the clit is way more stimulating than stroking it.

And guys' cocks touching in a chick's mouth, pussy, or ass isn't weird, gay, or uncomfortable.

And anything will sound clever, seductive, and sexy when said with a raised eyebrow, in a low voice full of innuendo.

And two people who share no language in common can nonetheless have terrific sex together; when a French guy and a Czech girl fuck, the language of eros is automatically English; the words they share actually need no translation.

And all East European women are 20 years old, 5' 10", 110 lbs, bisexual, and horny.

And dubbed sex scenes don't sound corny at all.

And nothing cures seasickness better than a threesome.

And nothing stimulates sex better than sand on a girl's butt.

And no part of a woman's body commands more intensive grooming than the pubic hair.

And it's not REALLY a blowjob unless the chick gags on it and spits rivulets of slobber on her breasts.

And size actually doesn't matter at all, even though she swears throughout that it does.

And short men can get laid, too!

This is a terrific thread; I'm learning a lot from it!!!

zarafan

**bawjaws** · August 4th, 2009, 08:17 PM

during sex if you stick a finger up her ass you will never get your face slapped
or a stinky finger

Estreeter · August 5th, 2009, 03:32 PM

I still cannot believe there is anything too learn from porn. You sit there, you watch it, but don't study it, There is no exam at the end

**TCO95** · August 10th, 2009, 12:19 AM

I learned the knees back by her ears with my arms supporting her legs position.

If you are loose through the hips, like me, you can really rack up the 'pleasure points'. Said points are later redeemable for various items like neck massages, unrequested beers, sleeping late and kahlua chocolate fudge ice cream.

zarafan · August 10th, 2009, 11:27 PM

Oh, and one more thing: I watch too much porn!!

zarafan

FlyStrat · September 2nd, 2009, 04:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bawjaws

during sex if you stick a finger up her ass you will never get your face slapped
or a stinky finger

You'll never have your nails dirty!
Ouch!

August 4th, 2009, 08:06 PM	#15
zarafan Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 47 Thanks: 1,070 Thanked 383 Times in 45 Posts	However, if you wear a mask you're real life partner will not recognise you.[/QUOTE] When a mask isn't available, sunglasses will do the trick just fine.... And shoes aren't really comfortable unless the heels are at least 6 inches high. And it's neither necessary nor pleasurable to undress completely during sex. And no guy ever feels embarrassed after seeing his pal naked and screwing his wife with him. And slapping the clit is way more stimulating than stroking it. And guys' cocks touching in a chick's mouth, pussy, or ass isn't weird, gay, or uncomfortable. And anything will sound clever, seductive, and sexy when said with a raised eyebrow, in a low voice full of innuendo. And two people who share no language in common can nonetheless have terrific sex together; when a French guy and a Czech girl fuck, the language of eros is automatically English; the words they share actually need no translation. And all East European women are 20 years old, 5' 10", 110 lbs, bisexual, and horny. And dubbed sex scenes don't sound corny at all. And nothing cures seasickness better than a threesome. And nothing stimulates sex better than sand on a girl's butt. And no part of a woman's body commands more intensive grooming than the pubic hair. And it's not REALLY a blowjob unless the chick gags on it and spits rivulets of slobber on her breasts. And size actually doesn't matter at all, even though she swears throughout that it does. And short men can get laid, too! This is a terrific thread; I'm learning a lot from it!!! zarafan Last edited by zarafan; August 4th, 2009 at 08:19 PM..

August 5th, 2009, 03:32 PM	#17
Estreeter *Administrator* Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: The 19th hole Posts: 58,106 Thanks: 449,599 Thanked 896,736 Times in 60,308 Posts	I still cannot believe there is anything too learn from porn. You sit there, you watch it, but don't study it, There is no exam at the end __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

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July 16th, 2009, 06:14 AM	#13
Sandy Claws Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 149 Thanks: 1,535 Thanked 2,211 Times in 282 Posts	........ fanny farts are rare.

August 4th, 2009, 06:53 PM	#14
bawjaws Vintage Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 971 Thanks: 13,806 Thanked 12,964 Times in 957 Posts	women with big tits tend to suck their own nipples a lot no women ever wear big pants they really don't mind if you cum all over their expensive leather couch or their hair nobody falls asleep after sex a villa simming pool is for having sex in girls with big breasts always go jogging braless or play tennis in showers or baths fannys really really need a lot of cleaning

August 4th, 2009, 08:17 PM	#16
bawjaws Vintage Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 971 Thanks: 13,806 Thanked 12,964 Times in 957 Posts	during sex if you stick a finger up her ass you will never get your face slapped or a stinky finger

August 10th, 2009, 12:19 AM	#18
TCO95 Veteran Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: This member is not allowed in your country. Posts: 5,176 Thanks: 47,615 Thanked 64,797 Times in 5,130 Posts	I learned the knees back by her ears with my arms supporting her legs position. If you are loose through the hips, like me, you can really rack up the 'pleasure points'. Said points are later redeemable for various items like neck massages, unrequested beers, sleeping late and kahlua chocolate fudge ice cream.

August 10th, 2009, 11:27 PM	#19
zarafan Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 47 Thanks: 1,070 Thanked 383 Times in 45 Posts	Oh, and one more thing: I watch too much porn!! zarafan