Post your corny jokes - Page 273

**Jonno71** · November 17th, 2011, 03:54 PM

If a tree falls on a woman and there is no-one around to hear her, what is a tree doing in the kitchen?

**Jonno71** · November 17th, 2011, 03:57 PM

Which country was once run by napkins?

The Serviette Union

**Jonno71** · November 17th, 2011, 08:44 PM

"It rubs the lotion on the skin - or else it gets the hose again!"

. . . was probably not the best chat-up line I have ever used.

Aitken Bonar · November 17th, 2011, 11:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by emexem

Can you believe that George Michael, its enough to set you turning in your cubicle.Not content with committing acts of gross indecency the dirty bugger has now been caught with a bar of chocolate up his arse! He's blaming it on a careless wispa*!

* apologies to all those forumites not familiar with the range of cadbury comestibles and/or George Michaels back catalogue,(pun intended)

What do George Michael and a pair of wellies have in common?

They both get sucked off in the bog.

**Jeff Vader** · November 18th, 2011, 12:13 AM

Asteroid narrowly misses Earth (by 201,000 miles).

Scientists have named it "Asteroid Emile Heskey"

BLUEDINGO · November 18th, 2011, 08:40 AM

Q: What's green and eats nuts?
A: Syphilis.

Q: What are the two similarities of banjo music & a premature ejaculation?
A: You know when they're both coming & there's absolutely nothing you can do to stop them.

Q: What do feminists call the useless piece of skin attached to a man's dick?
A: The man.

Q: What did the VD clinic say to Santa after they treated his clap?
A: They wished him a merry syphilis and a happy gonnorhea.

Q: Some women use tissues in their bras to give themselves a fuller figure. With this being the case, what's worse than feeling tissue tits?
A: Fucking cardboard box!

Q: What did the priest say when his prayers finally got answered?
A: Thanks for the blowjob. You can now go back to choir practice.

Q: What's the difference between a Kit-kat & Whoredan...erm, sorry, Jordan?
A: You only get four fingers in a Kit-kat.

Given the justified presumptiousness of that last joke, I'd really hate to think of how much you can actually get in Jordan; a clear case of smuggling every time she goes through customs, just so she can make the most of a cavity search...

emexem · November 18th, 2011, 10:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BLUEDINGO

Q: What's the difference between a Kit-kat & Whoredan...erm, sorry, Jordan?
A: You only get four fingers in a Kit-kat.

Given the justified presumptiousness of that last joke, I'd really hate to think of how much you can actually get in Jordan; a clear case of smuggling every time she goes through customs, just so she can make the most of a cavity search...

Given the number of times she has been fu@ked Id guess that customs could count on at least 2 lbs of crack!

BLUEDINGO · November 18th, 2011, 10:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by emexem

Given the number of times she has been fu@ked Id guess that customs could count on at least 2 lbs of crack!

Are you talking about the drug you'd find in her -or that incredibly nasty, foul, horrible, smelly thing bewteen her legs?

Which brings me to another joke:

Q: What's the one similarity Rock Hudson shared with Mahommed Ali?
A: They've both taken a beating around the ring.

emexem · November 18th, 2011, 11:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BLUEDINGO

Are you talking about the drug you'd find in her -or that incredibly nasty, foul, horrible, smelly thing bewteen her legs?

Well I wouldn't say she has got a fanny like a horse collar, but when Peter Andre met her he said that's a big cunt cunt cunt you've got.

Dont repeat yourself said Jordan.

I wasn't said Pete, that was an echo!

**photoflex** · November 18th, 2011, 04:31 PM

Do artists suffer from artism?

November 18th, 2011, 12:13 AM	#2725
Jeff Vader Moderator (Retired) Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Cheam AKA the land of Cheese and Canals Posts: 6,352 Thanks: 156,898 Thanked 140,020 Times in 6,511 Posts	Asteroid narrowly misses Earth (by 201,000 miles). Scientists have named it "Asteroid Emile Heskey" __________________ Please read the To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Model ID To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. :

November 18th, 2011, 08:40 AM	#2726
BLUEDINGO Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: TRIGGS, WEST AUSTRALIA Posts: 557 Thanks: 14,092 Thanked 6,429 Times in 538 Posts	And now for just an odd assortment of jokes... Q: What's green and eats nuts? A: Syphilis. Q: What are the two similarities of banjo music & a premature ejaculation? A: You know when they're both coming & there's absolutely nothing you can do to stop them. Q: What do feminists call the useless piece of skin attached to a man's dick? A: The man. Q: What did the VD clinic say to Santa after they treated his clap? A: They wished him a merry syphilis and a happy gonnorhea. Q: Some women use tissues in their bras to give themselves a fuller figure. With this being the case, what's worse than feeling tissue tits? A: Fucking cardboard box! Q: What did the priest say when his prayers finally got answered? A: Thanks for the blowjob. You can now go back to choir practice. Q: What's the difference between a Kit-kat & Whoredan...erm, sorry, Jordan? A: You only get four fingers in a Kit-kat. Given the justified presumptiousness of that last joke, I'd really hate to think of how much you can actually get in Jordan; a clear case of smuggling every time she goes through customs, just so she can make the most of a cavity search... __________________ And to quote 'Silence Of The Lambs' Buffalo Bill: "It rubs the lotion on the skin -or else it gets the hose again!"

November 18th, 2011, 04:31 PM	#2730
photoflex Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Location: Location Posts: 3,583 Thanks: 37,925 Thanked 127,785 Times in 3,570 Posts	Do artists suffer from artism? __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I love your thanks, but please thank the original posters first.

November 17th, 2011, 03:54 PM	#2721
Jonno71 Vintage Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Right here... Right now. Posts: 1,497 Thanks: 8,831 Thanked 75,959 Times in 1,503 Posts	If a tree falls on a woman and there is no-one around to hear her, what is a tree doing in the kitchen?

November 17th, 2011, 03:57 PM	#2722
Jonno71 Vintage Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Right here... Right now. Posts: 1,497 Thanks: 8,831 Thanked 75,959 Times in 1,503 Posts	Which country was once run by napkins? The Serviette Union

November 17th, 2011, 08:44 PM	#2723
Jonno71 Vintage Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Right here... Right now. Posts: 1,497 Thanks: 8,831 Thanked 75,959 Times in 1,503 Posts	"It rubs the lotion on the skin - or else it gets the hose again!" . . . was probably not the best chat-up line I have ever used.