Post your corny jokes - Page 1211

Aaron · March 31st, 2017, 12:06 AM

The killer whale that flip-flops constantly, not quite making up its mind, is called an either-orca.

fireburning · March 31st, 2017, 06:31 PM

Little Lindsay was out driving with her mom when a really big dildo suddenly slammed across the window.
Little Lindsay: ”What was that?”
Mom: ”Ehm… a really big insect”.
Little Lindsay: ”Damn it had a really big cock”.

fireburning · March 31st, 2017, 06:42 PM

The girl says: “I’m cold!”
The guy responds: “Walk over to the corner, there it’s 90 degrees!”

– Dad, can you help me with my math?
– What can I help you with?
– I am to find the common denominator…
– What the heck, have you not found that one yet? We were also looking for that one when I was in school?!

What did one lamp post say to the other one??
– Let’s go out together!

**Almero** · April 1st, 2017, 09:29 AM

Nicola Sturgeon, Donald Trump, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.
While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for.
The Devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.
Putin calls Russia and talks for 5 minutes.
When he was finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a cheque.
Next Donald Trump calls the U.S. and talks for 30 minutes.
When he's finished the devil informs him that the cost is 6 million dollars, so Trump writes him a cheque.
Finally Nicola Sturgeon gets her turn and calls Scotland for 4 hours. When she's finished, the devil informed her that there would be no charge and feel free to call Scotland anytime.
Putin and Trump go ballistic and ask the devil why Nicola Sturgeon got to call Scotland free.
The devil replied, "Since Nicola Sturgeon became First Minister of Scotland, the Country has gone to hell, so it's a local call."

**SanteeFats** · April 1st, 2017, 01:19 PM

Went to a comic convention in San Francisco. I bought an original B.C. comic strip hand drawn by Johnny Hart. Went back home and found that I had left my Hart in San Francisco.

**ruffroundedges** · April 1st, 2017, 01:35 PM

A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke.
Thank goodness it was a soft drink.

What’s the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.

What do you say to a drunk who walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck?
“You can stay. Just don’t try to start anything.”

What did the janitor yell after he jumped out of the closet?
“Supplies!”

What do you call someone wearing a belt with a watch attached to it?
A waist of time.

**rewbear** · April 1st, 2017, 05:08 PM

Two angels are getting really bored, sitting around heaven all day, playing their harps, and not a 'good' girl in sight. So they agree to ask St Peter if they can have some time off. St Peter says "Sure lads, not a problem, but there are two conditions: one, you've got to be back by midnight; and second, you can't lose your harps, because if you do I can't let you back in."

The two boys rush off before he changes his mind and end up having a nice meal, then they catch a movie, and then they ask a local where they can meet some girls and dance the night away. They are directed to a nightclub run by Samuel Franks and have a whale of a time, dancing to the tunes and chatting to the girls. In fact, they are having such a good time they forget what the hour is until the clock starts chiming midnight, and they remember St Peter's admonition. So they rush off and get to St Peter's gates just as the last chime is sounding.

"I was wondering if you two would make it back", said St Peter, "and I can let you in, but I can't let your mate in. You see, you don't have your harp with you." "Oh no," he says, "I've left my harp in Sam Frank's disco."

**bloke57** · April 1st, 2017, 05:33 PM

What's the difference between a dirty transport terminus and a shrimp with breast implants?

One's a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.

MaxJoker · April 1st, 2017, 05:37 PM

The Mrs has been walking on air smiling happy ,
After I told her this morning she was beautiful ,
and how I loved her with all my heart ,

Don't think she's realises what date it is today.

Estreeter · April 3rd, 2017, 11:19 AM

A male and female antenna met on a roof one night,

They fell in love and got married.
The wedding ceremony wasn’t much to speak about, but the reception was excellent.

April 1st, 2017, 09:29 AM	#12104
Almero Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: From Russia with love Posts: 1,432 Thanks: 13,926 Thanked 25,344 Times in 1,425 Posts	Nicola Sturgeon, Donald Trump, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The Devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth. Putin calls Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he was finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a cheque. Next Donald Trump calls the U.S. and talks for 30 minutes. When he's finished the devil informs him that the cost is 6 million dollars, so Trump writes him a cheque. Finally Nicola Sturgeon gets her turn and calls Scotland for 4 hours. When she's finished, the devil informed her that there would be no charge and feel free to call Scotland anytime. Putin and Trump go ballistic and ask the devil why Nicola Sturgeon got to call Scotland free. The devil replied, "Since Nicola Sturgeon became First Minister of Scotland, the Country has gone to hell, so it's a local call." Last edited by SanteeFats; April 1st, 2017 at 01:14 PM.. Reason: removed racial slur

April 1st, 2017, 01:35 PM	#12106
ruffroundedges Vintage Member Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: In a cave, havn't you been paying attention? Posts: 5,198 Thanks: 79,034 Thanked 95,993 Times in 5,282 Posts	A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke. Thank goodness it was a soft drink. What’s the difference between a cat and a complex sentence? A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause. What do you say to a drunk who walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck? “You can stay. Just don’t try to start anything.” What did the janitor yell after he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!” What do you call someone wearing a belt with a watch attached to it? A waist of time. __________________ Pull my finger..... To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Last edited by ruffroundedges; April 1st, 2017 at 05:50 PM..

April 1st, 2017, 05:08 PM	#12107
rewbear Vintage Member Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Back of beyond and down the lane. Posts: 522 Thanks: 230,545 Thanked 7,995 Times in 526 Posts	Two angels are getting really bored, sitting around heaven all day, playing their harps, and not a 'good' girl in sight. So they agree to ask St Peter if they can have some time off. St Peter says "Sure lads, not a problem, but there are two conditions: one, you've got to be back by midnight; and second, you can't lose your harps, because if you do I can't let you back in." The two boys rush off before he changes his mind and end up having a nice meal, then they catch a movie, and then they ask a local where they can meet some girls and dance the night away. They are directed to a nightclub run by Samuel Franks and have a whale of a time, dancing to the tunes and chatting to the girls. In fact, they are having such a good time they forget what the hour is until the clock starts chiming midnight, and they remember St Peter's admonition. So they rush off and get to St Peter's gates just as the last chime is sounding. "I was wondering if you two would make it back", said St Peter, "and I can let you in, but I can't let your mate in. You see, you don't have your harp with you." "Oh no," he says, "I've left my harp in Sam Frank's disco." __________________ rewbear thanks all original posters. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I can re-up most posts. Just PM me and I'll give it a go or let you know. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

April 1st, 2017, 05:37 PM	#12109
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,560 Times in 69,067 Posts	The Mrs has been walking on air smiling happy , After I told her this morning she was beautiful , and how I loved her with all my heart , Don't think she's realises what date it is today. __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

April 3rd, 2017, 11:19 AM	#12110
Estreeter *Administrator* Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: The 19th hole Posts: 58,120 Thanks: 449,724 Thanked 896,802 Times in 60,322 Posts	A male and female antenna met on a roof one night, They fell in love and got married. The wedding ceremony wasn’t much to speak about, but the reception was excellent. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

March 31st, 2017, 12:06 AM	#12101
Aaron Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2014 Location: U.S. of A. Posts: 206 Thanks: 6,639 Thanked 2,740 Times in 201 Posts	The killer whale that flip-flops constantly, not quite making up its mind, is called an either-orca.

March 31st, 2017, 06:31 PM	#12102
fireburning Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 223 Thanks: 1,977 Thanked 2,860 Times in 223 Posts	Little Lindsay was out driving with her mom when a really big dildo suddenly slammed across the window. Little Lindsay: ”What was that?” Mom: ”Ehm… a really big insect”. Little Lindsay: ”Damn it had a really big cock”.

March 31st, 2017, 06:42 PM	#12103
fireburning Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 223 Thanks: 1,977 Thanked 2,860 Times in 223 Posts	The girl says: “I’m cold!” The guy responds: “Walk over to the corner, there it’s 90 degrees!” – Dad, can you help me with my math? – What can I help you with? – I am to find the common denominator… – What the heck, have you not found that one yet? We were also looking for that one when I was in school?! What did one lamp post say to the other one?? – Let’s go out together!

April 1st, 2017, 01:19 PM	#12105
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,813 Thanks: 281,805 Thanked 813,789 Times in 60,861 Posts	Went to a comic convention in San Francisco. I bought an original B.C. comic strip hand drawn by Johnny Hart. Went back home and found that I had left my Hart in San Francisco.

April 1st, 2017, 05:33 PM	#12108
bloke57 Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2015 Location: Unaffordable housing Posts: 4,923 Thanks: 31,646 Thanked 68,928 Times in 4,921 Posts	What's the difference between a dirty transport terminus and a shrimp with breast implants? One's a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.

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