Why men can't – and shouldn't – stop staring at women

**deepsepia** · April 9th, 2012, 05:11 AM

nice opinion piece from the Globe and Mail. Remarkably brave and grown up piece for a serious business paper, but then, the Canadians are mature beyond their years

Before we discuss why it is men can't and shouldn't stop looking at women in the street, I'd like to explain about the girl in the miniskirt on the bicycle.

It was the first of the warm spring days that inflated Toronto this week. I was on my way to work on my bicycle. Two blocks from my house, I turned right and found myself 10 feet behind a young woman.

I use the word “behind” hesitantly.

She might have been 20. I am 58. She had long blond hair, and was wearing a short putty-coloured jacket, nude hose – I didn't think anyone wore nude hose any more – and a white miniskirt, trim but straining, tucked primly beneath her.

My first sight of her felt like a light blow to the chest. Her body held my interest, but so did her decision to wear a miniskirt on a bike, along with her youth, her loveliness, even the fleetingness of the six blocks I kept her company – she turned right, and she was gone. We owed each other nothing.

The inevitable backwash of guilt arrived, as all men know it does. I have a daughter her age. I am married but spent several minutes gazing at a pretty girl's backside. I could hear the charges: objectifier, perv, pig, man.

But it was such a beautiful day. And so I decided to spend the rest of it cruising the city, investigating the famous male gaze, to find out just how ashamed we lads ought to feel. These days, with women charging so fast past us, we're happy to feel anything.

Details that catch my attention: lively calves, French blue puff skirts with white polka dots, red shoes, dark skin, olive skin, pale skin, lips (various shapes), curly hair (to my surprise). A pretty girl with too much bottom squeezed into her yoga pants – and, mysteriously, twice as sexy for the effort. A slim blond in enormous sunglasses carrying a banana peel as if it were a memo. An expensively dressed and tanned woman climbs out of a taxi, so vivacious I panic and can't look at her. Slim girls, curvy girls; signs of health, hints of quiet style. Coloured headbands. A rollerblader in white short shorts does nothing for me: Her look is the sexual equivalent of shopping at Wal-Mart.

But each woman makes you think, parse her appeal. The busty brunette in her 20s is wearing a rich emerald-green ruffled blouse, but it's sleeveless and obviously not warm enough to wear outside. Is she a bad planner? Would she be a sloppy mate?

I ask a woman sitting in an outdoor café if she minds being looked at by men. Her name is Ali – a 26-year-old student with an Italian boyfriend who looks at everyone. That used to bother her but doesn't any more. “Just looking, I don't think it's offensive. But I think it's offensive if there's comments.”

Every woman I speak to says the same thing, without exception. So why does girl-watching have such a terrible reputation? Maybe because it's an act of rebellion.

***

X meets me for lunch at Ki, a downtown sushi restaurant frequented by brokers and lawyers. A big-time lawyer married to the same woman for three decades, he's father to three children – the opposite of a player. But he, too, spends hours gazing at women. He claims he spots at least two stunners a day. We've been discussing the girl on the bicycle.

“I don't get this complaint that you can't look at an attractive woman who's the same age as your 20-year-old daughter,” X says.

full story at:

Code:

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/relationships/why-men-cant-and-shouldnt-stop-staring-at-women/article2379872/

**luddite** · April 9th, 2012, 06:14 AM

As long as women want to be looked at, I will look with a clear conscience. Why else would they dress like that?
What bothers me is the 14-18 year-olds that dress like that.

hurricane4916 · April 9th, 2012, 09:14 AM

One day I was at the beach. There was this woman that had an obvious breast job. She was wearing a thong bikini. She was strutting down the beach and, was almost nude. There were 3 guys that looked to be in their 20s. They were staring at her and talking to each other. They weren't saying any thing to her but, they were very happy to see her. She said "Why are you staring at me"? They said "So you dress like that so guys don't look at you"? She said" You guys are pigs".
WTF?

**billybunter** · April 9th, 2012, 09:46 AM

I used to work on building sites welding steel beams etc. In the summer it was great if you were up high enough. You could see right down their tops

I was never one of those pricks who wolf whistles or shouts GET YOUR TITS OUT LOVE.

**Sir Honkers** · April 9th, 2012, 11:13 AM

Do you know why men perving on women is totally wrong?... because women don't treat men like that. They are all noble and pure creatures who never think dirty thoughts or imagine what hot men look like naked

**Leprechaun** · April 9th, 2012, 11:27 AM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6f-Xm2XYlfg

http://www.wholefitness.com/looking-breasts.html

"I'm sorry darling, but it's just my way to prevent a heart attack!"

**billybunter** · April 9th, 2012, 12:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by loosegoose

Do you know why men perving on women is totally wrong?... because women don't treat men like that. They are all noble and pure creatures who never think dirty thoughts or imagine what hot men look like naked

Do you know Rick anti porn USA?? Or is that reply a joke.

**sydney1** · April 9th, 2012, 01:15 PM

I was working in London in the early eighties, with an insane Mancunian version of Begbie and one fine, bright winter's morning in the works van, passed by a young lady wearing skin-tight, black leather jeans with thigh-length leather boots, topped off with a big woolie jumper. Think Abba style.

She had long, chestnut hair that nearly touched her backside and her face was equally stunning.
My insane companion in slurred out a series of incomprehensible vowels and consonants and papped the horn two or three times. Usually the recipient of this behaviour responded with scowls and two fingers pointed our way. Not this time, we got a gorgeous smile as we drove by on the way to the site down the road.

Ten minutes later, we passed by the same girl on the opposite side, still walking, my compatriot papped the horn just once and instead of being annoyed, she waved back, laughing.

That made my day.

**deepsepia** · April 9th, 2012, 07:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hurricane4916

She said "Why are you staring at me"? They said "So you dress like that so guys don't look at you"? She said" You guys are pigs".
WTF?

Larry David has an exchange like that in the very first "Curb Your Enthusiam" (season 1, episode 1), he's walking into a movie theatre row of seats, and passing by a woman with a very low cut blouse, and she claims he was ogling her chest, to which he replies "you wear that blouse because you want men to look at your shoes?"

**ubu_roi** · April 9th, 2012, 07:31 PM

Right or wrong, healthy or unhealthy, natural or pervy - doesn't matter to me. I'm gonna look, and I'm not gonna feel bad about it.

Unless the GF catches me.

April 9th, 2012, 05:11 AM	#1
deepsepia Moderator Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Upper left corner Posts: 7,205 Thanks: 47,961 Thanked 83,458 Times in 7,199 Posts	Why men can't – and shouldn't – stop staring at women nice opinion piece from the Globe and Mail. Remarkably brave and grown up piece for a serious business paper, but then, the Canadians are mature beyond their years Before we discuss why it is men can't and shouldn't stop looking at women in the street, I'd like to explain about the girl in the miniskirt on the bicycle. It was the first of the warm spring days that inflated Toronto this week. I was on my way to work on my bicycle. Two blocks from my house, I turned right and found myself 10 feet behind a young woman. I use the word “behind” hesitantly. She might have been 20. I am 58. She had long blond hair, and was wearing a short putty-coloured jacket, nude hose – I didn't think anyone wore nude hose any more – and a white miniskirt, trim but straining, tucked primly beneath her. My first sight of her felt like a light blow to the chest. Her body held my interest, but so did her decision to wear a miniskirt on a bike, along with her youth, her loveliness, even the fleetingness of the six blocks I kept her company – she turned right, and she was gone. We owed each other nothing. The inevitable backwash of guilt arrived, as all men know it does. I have a daughter her age. I am married but spent several minutes gazing at a pretty girl's backside. I could hear the charges: objectifier, perv, pig, man. But it was such a beautiful day. And so I decided to spend the rest of it cruising the city, investigating the famous male gaze, to find out just how ashamed we lads ought to feel. These days, with women charging so fast past us, we're happy to feel anything. Details that catch my attention: lively calves, French blue puff skirts with white polka dots, red shoes, dark skin, olive skin, pale skin, lips (various shapes), curly hair (to my surprise). A pretty girl with too much bottom squeezed into her yoga pants – and, mysteriously, twice as sexy for the effort. A slim blond in enormous sunglasses carrying a banana peel as if it were a memo. An expensively dressed and tanned woman climbs out of a taxi, so vivacious I panic and can't look at her. Slim girls, curvy girls; signs of health, hints of quiet style. Coloured headbands. A rollerblader in white short shorts does nothing for me: Her look is the sexual equivalent of shopping at Wal-Mart. But each woman makes you think, parse her appeal. The busty brunette in her 20s is wearing a rich emerald-green ruffled blouse, but it's sleeveless and obviously not warm enough to wear outside. Is she a bad planner? Would she be a sloppy mate? I ask a woman sitting in an outdoor café if she minds being looked at by men. Her name is Ali – a 26-year-old student with an Italian boyfriend who looks at everyone. That used to bother her but doesn't any more. “Just looking, I don't think it's offensive. But I think it's offensive if there's comments.” Every woman I speak to says the same thing, without exception. So why does girl-watching have such a terrible reputation? Maybe because it's an act of rebellion. *** X meets me for lunch at Ki, a downtown sushi restaurant frequented by brokers and lawyers. A big-time lawyer married to the same woman for three decades, he's father to three children – the opposite of a player. But he, too, spends hours gazing at women. He claims he spots at least two stunners a day. We've been discussing the girl on the bicycle. “I don't get this complaint that you can't look at an attractive woman who's the same age as your 20-year-old daughter,” X says. full story at: Code: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/relationships/why-men-cant-and-shouldnt-stop-staring-at-women/article2379872/

April 9th, 2012, 06:14 AM	#2
luddite Vintage Member Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: N.D.G. Posts: 1,375 Thanks: 104,140 Thanked 12,286 Times in 1,336 Posts	As long as women want to be looked at, I will look with a clear conscience. Why else would they dress like that? What bothers me is the 14-18 year-olds that dress like that. __________________ *Meanwhile, back at the oasis, the arabs were eating their dates...*

April 9th, 2012, 09:46 AM	#4
billybunter R.I.P. Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Gone But Not Forgotten Posts: 14,404 Thanks: 51,687 Thanked 252,374 Times in 14,171 Posts	I used to work on building sites welding steel beams etc. In the summer it was great if you were up high enough. You could see right down their tops I was never one of those pricks who wolf whistles or shouts GET YOUR TITS OUT LOVE. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

April 9th, 2012, 07:31 PM	#10
ubu_roi Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Northeastern USA Posts: 3,962 Thanks: 83,135 Thanked 43,794 Times in 3,958 Posts	Right or wrong, healthy or unhealthy, natural or pervy - doesn't matter to me. I'm gonna look, and I'm not gonna feel bad about it. Unless the GF catches me. __________________ Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder

April 9th, 2012, 09:14 AM	#3
hurricane4916 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Waukesha, WI. Posts: 111 Thanks: 1,574 Thanked 1,059 Times in 102 Posts	One day I was at the beach. There was this woman that had an obvious breast job. She was wearing a thong bikini. She was strutting down the beach and, was almost nude. There were 3 guys that looked to be in their 20s. They were staring at her and talking to each other. They weren't saying any thing to her but, they were very happy to see her. She said "Why are you staring at me"? They said "So you dress like that so guys don't look at you"? She said" You guys are pigs". WTF?

April 9th, 2012, 11:13 AM	#5
Sir Honkers Veteran Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Land Of Glorious Leader Posts: 30,367 Thanks: 287,009 Thanked 386,366 Times in 30,320 Posts	Do you know why men perving on women is totally wrong?... because women don't treat men like that. They are all noble and pure creatures who never think dirty thoughts or imagine what hot men look like naked

April 9th, 2012, 11:27 AM	#6
Leprechaun Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Germany Posts: 5,013 Thanks: 23,651 Thanked 77,924 Times in 4,988 Posts	http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6f-Xm2XYlfg http://www.wholefitness.com/looking-breasts.html "I'm sorry darling, but it's just my way to prevent a heart attack!"

April 9th, 2012, 01:15 PM	#8
sydney1 Vintage Member Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 1,378 Thanks: 10,562 Thanked 27,964 Times in 1,357 Posts	I was working in London in the early eighties, with an insane Mancunian version of Begbie and one fine, bright winter's morning in the works van, passed by a young lady wearing skin-tight, black leather jeans with thigh-length leather boots, topped off with a big woolie jumper. Think Abba style. She had long, chestnut hair that nearly touched her backside and her face was equally stunning. My insane companion in slurred out a series of incomprehensible vowels and consonants and papped the horn two or three times. Usually the recipient of this behaviour responded with scowls and two fingers pointed our way. Not this time, we got a gorgeous smile as we drove by on the way to the site down the road. Ten minutes later, we passed by the same girl on the opposite side, still walking, my compatriot papped the horn just once and instead of being annoyed, she waved back, laughing. That made my day.