Post your corny jokes

[bp666]

For sale: one dead budgie.

Not going cheep...

[bp666]

I'm writing this from hospital. Don't worry the doctors say I'll be fine.

I just want to warn my fellow VEFers that the Dyson Ball Cleaner has a very misleading name.

[Staffsyeoman]

Some people have said I'm a misogynist; I'm not - I'm really quite a modern man. I'm happy buying tampons from the chemist. Only problem is they're "not a real present.."

[trailmaster]

Things to do in the bathroom stall...

1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"

2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."

3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.

4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

5. Drop a marble and say, "oh shoot!! My glass eye!!"

6. Say "Darn, this water is cold."

7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place six to eight feet. Sigh relaxingly.

8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"

9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."

10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!!"

11. Say, "Interesting....more sinkers than floaters.

12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop it under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?"

13. Say. "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!!"

14. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot"

15. Say, "Darn, I Knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"

16. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.

17. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.

18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"

19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free"

20. When you're in a bathroom stall take a Snickers candy bar with you and when someone is next to you, squish it in your hand and reach under the stall wall and say "You got any more toilet paper over there, This side's completely out."

[PJayBr]

I need to re-home a dog.

It's a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot.

If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over next door's fence and get it for you.

[PJayBr]

I went to the house I grew up in today and asked them if I could come in and have a look around for old times sake. They said "Get lost" and slammed the door in my face! My parents can be so rude at times.

[photoflex]

[fireburning]

Here's one I made up so remember where you heard it first, not that anyone would steal it:

I recently booked a taxi. The driver turned up outside my house. I stepped outside and waved to him and he drove off and parked at the end of the road. Thinking there was a mistake I chased after him I got to the taxi and was about to open the driver's door and he drove off again. I was now furious so I chased back after the taxi to ask him what his game is. He wound down the window and said "sorry, mate" before belching loudly in my face and wafting a real eye stinger of a fart at me. Before I could grab him he drove off at 50 miles an hour. Turns out it was one of those UBER trolls.

[fireburning]

I've got some friends who are taxi drivers in America. California UBER allies.

[PJayBr]

How do you think the unthinkable




With an itheberg.