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August 18th, 2015, 01:10 AM | #1 |
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Irrational? Fear Of Rejection By Women
I would like to make a thread about this, possibly un-manly or weak-minded subject: Fear of rejection by women, even if you haven't tried in several years.
What are some of the irrational fears I have that a girl might reject me? I might introduce myself poorly. I might not look good enough, make the right move or say the right thing, or just try for the wrong girl in the wrong situation. She might like me at first, but then be offended or lose interest. At the same time, I know that I can be a 7-8 in looks out of 10 at HotOrNot. Before 2004-07, there was no way to prove how you measured up to others. But after hundreds of women told me I was adequate, I reconsidered. And your confidence could still be undermined by lack of money, lack of stable job, lack of bachelor pad, or even living with your parents in the Great Recession after 30, which even hurt them financially, but they kept their house. So when my life recovers, I must have the confidence to NOT fear rejection by women, and choose the right girl from the beginning. A girl I know from life, not an Internet model or dating site girl, is maybe the better prospect. A girl who is much younger, blonde, blue-eyed, and very sweet; the perfect pairing, because I know why gentlemen prefer blondes, even though I didn't recognize it at first until I was 32+ in age. And the girl I am thinking about was 16 that year.["What kind of a girl do you think I am?!"--Danger Danger] Have any of you guys ever developed this fear of rejection by women, and what do you think is the best solution for a guy who is making his comeback? |
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August 18th, 2015, 01:42 AM | #2 |
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If a woman rejects you its an inevitable no out of the way and the search for for a yes continues .
You might be lucky with the ladies and only have to ask a few till you get that yes . Then again you might be unlucky and ask 100 till you get the yes . Thrive on rejection . Learn from the situation brush up your act a little and move on to the next girl . Oh and don't pursue one girl only . Everything depends on her and when she rejects you your whole world falls apart . Have a few girls that your interested in and if one rejects it doesn't matter cos there's still another two possibilities you like just as much . There's attractive women of all ages everywhere . In the bar the cafe the workplace the train home the dating website etc etc etc . If one rejects you don't linger on it learn from the situation a little if need be and move on to the next girl . Women is just the numbers game IMO . You make a utter Pratt of yourself over them sometimes but you just pick yourself up and the search continues for another girl who won't reject you . Last edited by chris chunt; August 18th, 2015 at 02:15 AM.. |
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August 18th, 2015, 03:21 AM | #3 |
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I have tried hard for 5-10 women in my life and probably known dozens from life, and hundreds or more from the Internet who were super-hot.
In high school, I tried hard for A., N., M., C., and eventually R., so about five prospects where the first four did things to hurt me, but I wasn't quite competitive with R.'s type of trophy boyfriend with model or rockstar looks by 18-20. In college, I found C., D., K., S., A., and K., attractive, but didn't try very hard because I was worried about college and getting a job, because my parents tried to make me go to college by 16-17 and I didn't have much money in college to take a girl out either. So another ten prospects in about five years of college. Later on, when I tried for my bachelor's degree, there were several more, but the blonde girls 10-12 years younger named M., N., and J., were the best, and I eventually tried for N., but she didn't like it. So about thirteen prospects in closer to seven years of college. But I have noticed that there is a huge double standard in relationships. Just like in sex, the man is doing most of the sweating and physical work while the woman just lays it down and enjoys the result, in courtship the man is expected to do everything first, and pay for everything too, while the woman does nothing or only a few things second. Then the woman (at least in high school and the late '90s) always invents a new reason she doesn't like you, and breaks off the relationship. You did nothing to hurt her and did hard work, and then she stabs you through the heart and makes you start all over with another girl. Meanwhile, most women don't even call you in return. I believe that I would rather look at porn and even occasionally wank, than pursue women (at least of Generation X) who are arrogant, full of shit, and dead wrong about their political or religious ideological bigotry; these were commonplace in high school and the late '90s. But at the same time, any time I find a girl who seems right for me and seems sweet, friendly, well-behaved, and equal enough to pursue me too -- the idea that two human beings love each other in return -- that is the girl I pursue as aggressively as possible, and want to fuck also. I am convinced that Millennial girls are better for this reason, maybe attracted to a much older man with good qualities and confidence, plus the music and cyberporn of the alpha male to fire him up for her. What this has to do with confidence is that you don't think you measure up to other men, or worry about other issues in your life too much (mental game), or else you don't trust her because of other women in the past (an irrational, prejudicial, essentially sexist belief), which can be un-learned by girlfriend or pornstar experience and better mental game? I am convinced that I could find a girl who would meet me halfway now. They say that 95% of high school relationships fail, and 50% of those get divorced. So if only 1 out of 40 high school relationships (the worst kind of relationships) work, then maybe in life as adults, it could be 1 of 10 or 20 that you try hard for that will work. If you man up and try for at least one more who might be better or even special in a way that I haven't even imagined -- the sweet surprise with blonde qualities?!?! -- you might get her if you are the alpha male with confidence and determination, plus a workout body. I'm going to give it to her... and I just worked out tonight, so I'm closer to this. And there is only one girl besides Kayleigh in the movie of the butterfly who I have ever known with that name in life, and she is not only hot, but has also never been arrogant. I think in the future, I'm going to try using this forum for the articles, and focus on her. |
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August 18th, 2015, 04:58 AM | #4 |
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Some very very important advice which nobody will follow, about rejection:
If you like a gal, and she doesn't like you, no amount of effort on your part is ever, ever going to make her like you in such a way where she is attracted to you or respects you. Move on. Right away. Don't insert yourself into her life under the pretense of wanting to be her friend. You may not even realize what you're doing, but no matter how much time and support you give her, how much of her life you help her with (help her move, give rides, etc), she will never, ever, ever want you in the way you want her to. In order to protect your ego you will then convince yourself that you're happy with the relationship as it is and what self-esteem and confidence you have will be destroyed, making it very very difficult to meet a gal to date. And then there's the day she meets someone she's interested in and she's asking you for advice. Oh you'll want to die that day, and each day after, your life won't ever be the same. You will become a sniveling groveling child and you will seriously contemplate ending your life. You'll come to resent her you feeling that way even though it's not her fault. She'll get sick of you and withdraw and you'll get clingy and eventually you feel like you're a creep and she wants less and less to do with you and your devastation gets worse and worse. Not that this has ever happened to me, of course! I've just seen others you know. Actually seriously I have seen other friends experience this, and it's a script, all steps are unavoidable. Save yourself the heartache - no matter how much you like her, it's just tough luck, move on to a gal who likes you for you and enjoys being with you. And don't give up, there's plenty of awesome gals out there. Though maybe you don't want to tell her you hang out on sites such as this one :-) Be a gentleman, treat her nice, and if she doesn't respond to that then forget her and get a gal who does. |
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August 18th, 2015, 05:23 AM | #5 |
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The above situation happened twice, within the first two years. In freshman year, A. was the good-looking girl who would eventually become class valedictorian, but we were not compatible, and she didn't believe in cuddling or kissing outside marriage. [They need to replace her with Alicia Secrets in 1992... ] In sophomore year, M. was the girl who invited me to her party, but we were not compatible and she was extremely arrogant and opinionated, then on the last day of school she tortured me with short shorts and the announcement "There's this wrestler I have my eye on...", her new boyfriend who was an ugly version of John Wilkes Booth. [They need to replace her with a certain girl named Alejandra who I know of from the Internet... > ]
But seriously, the reason why some guys have a porn issue is that the women issues or life issues can fuck you up, and cause frustration and a sense of hopelessness. I did consider suicide after the breakup and ridicule by people in freshman year, then in sophomore year I wanted to forget about life and stay home all summer of 1993; I avoided women, the gym, opinionated leftists or vegetarians, and sometimes wanked. The point is that I want the attractive girl who has everything else: sweet, gentle, feminine, blonde, well-behaved, and very much available. Only by discerning which classifications of girls are like this (blondes, from my experience; it is true and my mind knows it, so I am a gentleman who wants to put 1 and 1 together with them...) I have the right to openly challenge the beautiful woman, not give her deluxe butt-kissing just because of her looks (this may be why strippers and gold-diggers have it easy...) And so I know it's true, and I know it's her with the name no other girl has, and she may be dangerous but she's worth the risk. Ashton X is going to try for the girl he knows now. |
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August 18th, 2015, 12:11 PM | #6 |
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Goose's third law of attraction unequivocally states, 'the chances of rejection are in inverse proportion to how high you're punching above your weight'
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August 18th, 2015, 12:54 PM | #7 |
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Yes. And if I knew how to get past it, I might have had a relationship with a woman sometime in my life.
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August 18th, 2015, 01:19 PM | #8 |
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@guys: Thank you for mentoring me in these small VEF ways. I think that I need to understand that "faint heart never wins fair lady". Confidence begins with the brass balls of flirting openly with the girl on Facebook, in full view of her friends and yours. Tearing it up, breaking it down, she and I will be the talk of the town.
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August 18th, 2015, 01:54 PM | #9 |
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when you see an average looking guy who isn't rich with an amazing looking woman its somebody who will have had rejection after rejection after rejection but will have always bounced back and looked for the next girl and then got very lucky .
if its your peers mocking you if a girl turns you down that worries you then dump them as friends or pusue woman out of sight of them . dating agencies are no longer for the sad and unwanted . there's some incredible birds of all ages on the likes of match.com . you can make an utter Pratt of yourself over girls and keep it secret . |
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August 18th, 2015, 01:54 PM | #10 |
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It's not about fear of rejection. It's not irrational. It's all biological/mental. That paralysing effect that happens automatically when you freeze at the opportunity? It's supposedly your survival instincts kickin in.
Your survival instincts only kick in when you're vulnerable. I think that's why sometimes you get the advice to not give a shit and go for it. If you don't care if you (metaphorically) get burned by the chick, you're not vulnerable. You then go for it. |
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