First Date - Page 2

MaxJoker · February 12th, 2013, 02:29 PM

My first ever first date went perfectly

Because as soon as she`d sat down i stood up ,began undoing my trousers and suggested we get the unpleasant bit out of the way first. Then when she refused i demanded we arm wrestle to see who`ll be cooking breakfast in the morning. Can you believe the frigid strumpet refused again !. Even claimed my behaviour was childish
So i spent the rest of the evening staring at everyone else in the restaurant and loudly comparing her unfavourably to them, especially the men

Ah yes those were my finest two hours .

Every date i`ve gone on since has been a bit of a disaster to be fair

**billybunter** · February 12th, 2013, 02:36 PM

You forgot to tell her to get on her knees Max. She's doesn't want to vacuum your belly button.

Estreeter · February 12th, 2013, 02:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaxJoker

My first ever first date went perfectly

Something tells me mate, that right before you picked her up in your private Lear Jet, supplied by that company, Copy and Paste

That you were so excited at the prospects of a possible Mrs MaxJoker, you were already planning a special wedding reception

MaxJoker · March 15th, 2013, 04:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by billybunter

She's doesn't want to vacuum your belly button.

What belly you cheeky seemingly immortal Belfast lothario

I`ll have you know my stomach is not merely a six pack but a nine pack

In my imagination

But still , same difference

**billybunter** · March 15th, 2013, 05:32 PM

Sorry old chap.

MaxJoker · March 16th, 2013, 12:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by billybunter

Sorry old chap.

Old

I`m a mere sapling (Heavy on the sap)

Then again they do say you`re as young as the girl you`re with

MaxJoker · September 8th, 2017, 09:41 AM

One of my most memorable first (Last) dates was with Emma 2 (As opposed to Emma 1 , who within half an hour had furnished me with the humour killing unnecessary information that her uncle was a pedophile

).
We met up and went into the nearest cafe as it was raining heavy. She had a cup of tea (Yawn) and then said could we go to her favourite place instead. A pub up the road that she always goes into. Her regular.
Sure fine.
Only nobody in the place knew her and when she needed the loo asked the barmaid where it was

Oh and what did she order.
More tea (Double yawn) , this time a pot of the stuff

What did she insist on talking about.
How the earth was flat and the Saxe-Coburg and Gotha (Although she called them Windsors) family were really shape changing lizards

Kept trying to convince me. As if me not believing either was a deal breaker.
Naturally I couldn't make jokes about her barmy beliefs as for all I knew maybe she did/does

Although by her second pot of tea and the third torturous hour no longer cared what she may or might not do.
Unless planned on following me home

February 12th, 2013, 02:29 PM	#11
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,895 Times in 69,067 Posts	Excellent thread mate , can`t believe i missed it ! My first ever first date went perfectly Because as soon as she`d sat down i stood up ,began undoing my trousers and suggested we get the unpleasant bit out of the way first. Then when she refused i demanded we arm wrestle to see who`ll be cooking breakfast in the morning. Can you believe the frigid strumpet refused again !. Even claimed my behaviour was childish So i spent the rest of the evening staring at everyone else in the restaurant and loudly comparing her unfavourably to them, especially the men Ah yes those were my finest two hours . Every date i`ve gone on since has been a bit of a disaster to be fair __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

February 12th, 2013, 02:36 PM	#12
billybunter R.I.P. Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Gone But Not Forgotten Posts: 14,404 Thanks: 51,687 Thanked 252,375 Times in 14,171 Posts	You forgot to tell her to get on her knees Max. She's doesn't want to vacuum your belly button. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

March 15th, 2013, 05:32 PM	#15
billybunter R.I.P. Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Gone But Not Forgotten Posts: 14,404 Thanks: 51,687 Thanked 252,375 Times in 14,171 Posts	Sorry old chap. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

September 8th, 2017, 09:41 AM	#17
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,895 Times in 69,067 Posts	First (Last) Dates One of my most memorable first (Last) dates was with Emma 2 (As opposed to Emma 1 , who within half an hour had furnished me with the humour killing unnecessary information that her uncle was a pedophile ). We met up and went into the nearest cafe as it was raining heavy. She had a cup of tea (Yawn) and then said could we go to her favourite place instead. A pub up the road that she always goes into. Her regular. Sure fine. Only nobody in the place knew her and when she needed the loo asked the barmaid where it was Oh and what did she order. More tea (Double yawn) , this time a pot of the stuff What did she insist on talking about. How the earth was flat and the Saxe-Coburg and Gotha (Although she called them Windsors) family were really shape changing lizards Kept trying to convince me. As if me not believing either was a deal breaker. Naturally I couldn't make jokes about her barmy beliefs as for all I knew maybe she did/does Although by her second pot of tea and the third torturous hour no longer cared what she may or might not do. Unless planned on following me home __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.