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Old May 14th, 2019, 03:08 AM   #14661
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What's the difference between Murphy's Law and Cole's Law?
A: Murphy's Law states that anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Cole's Law is thinly sliced cabbage, carrot and onion mixed with mayonnaise.
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Old May 14th, 2019, 01:39 PM   #14662
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Exclamation

Three robbers break into a bank, but when they open the safe they find only boxes. One robber opens a box and finds cups full of yogurt. "We didn't find any money, but we got something to eat," he tells his partners. They eat their fill and leave.

The next morning's newspaper headline reads, "World's Largest Sperm Bank Robbed."
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Old May 14th, 2019, 01:40 PM   #14663
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What type of sandals do frogs wear ? ,

Open toad.


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Old May 14th, 2019, 03:15 PM   #14664
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Tail of mouse, eye of cat,
head of newt and wing of bat.
Tongue of toad, ear of dog,
skin of snake and leg of frog....

...

No ...it's not a witches potion,
it's the reason that the council shut down our local kebab shop.
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Old May 14th, 2019, 05:31 PM   #14665
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It's ridiculous to say that dressing like a slut will get you raped ,

Tried it last night and just got the shit kicked out of me.

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Old May 14th, 2019, 09:42 PM   #14666
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I once tried to have sex with a stripper.
The steam burnt my balls.
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Old May 15th, 2019, 11:44 AM   #14667
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Why did the unwashed chicken cross the road twice ? ,

Because it was a dirty double crosser.


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Old May 15th, 2019, 01:21 PM   #14668
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Smile

A family brings their elderly mother to a nursing home. While sitting in her new room, she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately straighten her up. After awhile she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back to put her upright. This goes on all morning.

Later, the family arrives and asks, "Are they treating you all right?" She replies, "It's pretty nice--except they won't let you fart."
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Old May 15th, 2019, 06:56 PM   #14669
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What do you call a Chinese woman with one leg ? ,

Irene.



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Old May 16th, 2019, 02:46 AM   #14670
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Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator?
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