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February 19th, 2017, 07:11 AM | #12011 |
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February 19th, 2017, 10:09 AM | #12012 |
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I once applied for a patent for a machine that made pancakes. It was turned down flat.
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February 19th, 2017, 11:58 AM | #12013 |
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Location: In front of my PC with my cock in my hand......
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Teacher : What's your favourite letter?
Pupil : G Teacher : Why's that Angus....... |
February 19th, 2017, 12:33 PM | #12014 |
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A study has found that one in ten people in western countries dont own a single book.
This is of course far less worrying than the study that found ten out of ten Muslims own only one book. My German plumber accidentally hooked up a gas pipe to my shower... Looks like old habits die hard. What's the difference between a woman and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist. |
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February 20th, 2017, 01:44 PM | #12015 |
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A teacher asked Little Johnny if he knew Lincoln's Gettysburg address.
Johnny reply : " I didn't know that Lincoln ever lived in Gettysburg." A m an with a few ex wives asked a woman to marry him. When she said she had talked to all the ex's and heard some things that worried her. He just said "Oh those are jut old wives tales". |
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February 20th, 2017, 05:11 PM | #12016 |
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A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Wairarapa. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it." The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in New Zealand and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own." The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in North Wairarapa. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.'" The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?" The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up." The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees! His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and remaining strength and very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn." The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."
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February 22nd, 2017, 10:24 AM | #12017 |
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The wife lay on her bed, dying. "I have to confess something to you.." "Shh, there's no need..." I said. "But I must, for my conscience's sake...I had sex with your brother, his best friend, your best friend and your father.." "I know, that's why I poisoned you. So shut up and go to sleep.."
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February 22nd, 2017, 01:39 PM | #12018 |
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What's the best thing about a blowjob?
10 minutes of silence
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February 22nd, 2017, 05:07 PM | #12019 |
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After I got married I learned my wife lead a double life. Hers in the morning and mine in the afternoon.
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February 24th, 2017, 02:54 PM | #12020 |
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I'm convinced evolution is how we all came to be.
On the other hand, I don't want to go to hell for being an atheist after I die. So I decided to believe both. It's a Darwin-win situation.
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