Post your corny jokes - Page 52

hugleflip · February 5th, 2010, 06:34 PM

A teacher tells the class: "Whoever answers these questions can leave early today." Little Johnny is delighted. Teacher says: "Who said: " I have a dream?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says: "Martin Luther King." Teacher says: "Thats right Mary, you can go." Johnny is furious. Then the teacher says: "Who said: We shall fight them on the beaches?" Johnny knows but Alice calls out: "Winston Churchill!" "That's right Alice, you can go." Johnny is really annoyed now. Then the teacher says: "Who said: One giant leap for mankind?" Johnny is about to speak when Lucy says: "Neil Armstrong!" "Well done Lucy." says the teacher and sends her home. Johnny is seething, so the next time the teacher turns her back, he says: "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!" The teacher turns around and yells: "Who said that?" Johnny says: "Tiger Woods, can I go home now?"

**mjefferys1** · February 6th, 2010, 03:04 AM

Mahatma Ghandi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the
time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with
his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him what?

A super callused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.

Sorry....

**mjefferys1** · February 6th, 2010, 03:09 AM

My girlfriend came around unexpectedly yesterday. They just don't make chloroform like they used to.

**tamsmith** · February 6th, 2010, 03:22 AM

Tam was returning home from the pub, smelling like a distillery.
He flopped on a bus seat next to a priest. His tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of whisky was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. Then he asked the priest,
"Father, what causes arthritis?"

"Well my son, it's the result of loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much whisky and a contempt for your fellow man."
"Well I'll be damned!" Tam muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, feeling a little guilty, said, "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't, Father. But I was just reading here that the Pope does.

**Mal Hombre** · February 8th, 2010, 08:33 PM

Snow White lay in bed feeling happy,Happy didn't like it and got out ,So She Felt Grumpy instead.

**photoflex** · February 9th, 2010, 02:06 AM

When King Arthur and his knights decide to go on a Crusade, he also decides it would be prudent to fit out Genevieve with a chastity belt. The key to the padlock is given to his oldest and most trusted servant, just for emergencies.
Within an hour after setting off, Arthur hears shouting and when he turns round, sees the servant coming after him on horseback, with the key in his outstretched hand;' My liege, my liege!' The old man yells from afar. 'You've given me the wrong key!'

hugleflip · February 9th, 2010, 02:01 PM

A couple made a pact that whoever died first would come back and tell about the afterlife. The husband died first and after a couple of months made contact. "Gladys." "Is that you Fred?" "Yes I've come back to tell you what it's like. I have sex, then breakfast, then off to golf course, then more sex. I sunbathe, then have sex again. Lunch, romp around golf course, then sex all afternoon. Then supper and more sex." "Oh Fred, you must be in heaven," says Gladys. "No," says Fred, "I'm a fucking rabbit in suffolk!"

**mrfixit** · February 10th, 2010, 06:49 AM

A guy goes into the doctors office with a carrot in one ear a stick of celery in the other ear and a pineapple up his nose.
Guy: Doctor I have a problem.
Doctor: I know what your problem is.Your not eating properly.

vierenweg · February 10th, 2010, 05:25 PM

Old joke from Ronnie Scott, the late London Jazz Club owner.

He was interviewing a waitress for a job and asked her what her interests were. She said she was into English Literature. He asked her what she thought of Dickens. She said she didn't know, she'd never been to one.

Bit 60's, but there you go.

**Mal Hombre** · February 10th, 2010, 07:06 PM

A man asked his girlfriend if she liked cocktails,she replied "I don't know,Tell me one"

February 5th, 2010, 06:34 PM	#511
hugleflip Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Wales Posts: 191 Thanks: 4,568 Thanked 6,880 Times in 189 Posts	Little Johnny A teacher tells the class: "Whoever answers these questions can leave early today." Little Johnny is delighted. Teacher says: "Who said: " I have a dream?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says: "Martin Luther King." Teacher says: "Thats right Mary, you can go." Johnny is furious. Then the teacher says: "Who said: We shall fight them on the beaches?" Johnny knows but Alice calls out: "Winston Churchill!" "That's right Alice, you can go." Johnny is really annoyed now. Then the teacher says: "Who said: One giant leap for mankind?" Johnny is about to speak when Lucy says: "Neil Armstrong!" "Well done Lucy." says the teacher and sends her home. Johnny is seething, so the next time the teacher turns her back, he says: "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!" The teacher turns around and yells: "Who said that?" Johnny says: "Tiger Woods, can I go home now?"

February 6th, 2010, 03:04 AM	#512
mjefferys1 Veteran Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Frozen North Posts: 1,537 Thanks: 18,772 Thanked 57,913 Times in 1,618 Posts	Mahatma Ghandi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him what? A super callused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis. Sorry.... __________________ VEF, Every day I discover a new favorite....... Tell me if you recognise someone in my posts.

February 6th, 2010, 03:09 AM	#513
mjefferys1 Veteran Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Frozen North Posts: 1,537 Thanks: 18,772 Thanked 57,913 Times in 1,618 Posts	My girlfriend came around unexpectedly yesterday. They just don't make chloroform like they used to. __________________ VEF, Every day I discover a new favorite....... Tell me if you recognise someone in my posts.

February 8th, 2010, 08:33 PM	#515
Mal Hombre El Super Moderador Join Date: May 2009 Location: Adoptive Monkey Hanger Posts: 58,144 Thanks: 772,750 Thanked 855,839 Times in 57,575 Posts	Snow White lay in bed feeling happy,Happy didn't like it and got out ,So She Felt Grumpy instead. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. If in doubt, Just ask Yourself What Would Max Do ? It is a porn site,But its a Classy porn site. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

February 9th, 2010, 02:06 AM	#516
photoflex Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Location: Location Posts: 3,583 Thanks: 37,925 Thanked 127,786 Times in 3,570 Posts	When King Arthur and his knights decide to go on a Crusade, he also decides it would be prudent to fit out Genevieve with a chastity belt. The key to the padlock is given to his oldest and most trusted servant, just for emergencies. Within an hour after setting off, Arthur hears shouting and when he turns round, sees the servant coming after him on horseback, with the key in his outstretched hand;' My liege, my liege!' The old man yells from afar. 'You've given me the wrong key!' __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I love your thanks, but please thank the original posters first.

February 6th, 2010, 03:22 AM	#514
tamsmith Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Coming close to the Slippery Slope. Posts: 7,800 Thanks: 77,915 Thanked 280,415 Times in 9,078 Posts	Tam was returning home from the pub, smelling like a distillery. He flopped on a bus seat next to a priest. His tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of whisky was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. Then he asked the priest, "Father, what causes arthritis?" "Well my son, it's the result of loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much whisky and a contempt for your fellow man." "Well I'll be damned!" Tam muttered, returning to his paper. The priest, feeling a little guilty, said, "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. How long have you had arthritis?" "I don't, Father. But I was just reading here that the Pope does.

February 9th, 2010, 02:01 PM	#517
hugleflip Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Wales Posts: 191 Thanks: 4,568 Thanked 6,880 Times in 189 Posts	A couple made a pact that whoever died first would come back and tell about the afterlife. The husband died first and after a couple of months made contact. "Gladys." "Is that you Fred?" "Yes I've come back to tell you what it's like. I have sex, then breakfast, then off to golf course, then more sex. I sunbathe, then have sex again. Lunch, romp around golf course, then sex all afternoon. Then supper and more sex." "Oh Fred, you must be in heaven," says Gladys. "No," says Fred, "I'm a fucking rabbit in suffolk!"

February 10th, 2010, 06:49 AM	#518
mrfixit Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Elm Street Posts: 9,401 Thanks: 165,867 Thanked 114,831 Times in 9,416 Posts	A guy goes into the doctors office with a carrot in one ear a stick of celery in the other ear and a pineapple up his nose. Guy: Doctor I have a problem. Doctor: I know what your problem is.Your not eating properly. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator?

February 10th, 2010, 05:25 PM	#519
vierenweg Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 70 Thanks: 1,407 Thanked 501 Times in 63 Posts	Old joke from Ronnie Scott, the late London Jazz Club owner. He was interviewing a waitress for a job and asked her what her interests were. She said she was into English Literature. He asked her what she thought of Dickens. She said she didn't know, she'd never been to one. Bit 60's, but there you go.

February 10th, 2010, 07:06 PM	#520
Mal Hombre El Super Moderador Join Date: May 2009 Location: Adoptive Monkey Hanger Posts: 58,144 Thanks: 772,750 Thanked 855,839 Times in 57,575 Posts	A man asked his girlfriend if she liked cocktails,she replied "I don't know,Tell me one" __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. If in doubt, Just ask Yourself What Would Max Do ? It is a porn site,But its a Classy porn site. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.