Twisted sick jokes that`ll send us ALL to hell. - Page 79

**sweatyhat** · December 27th, 2015, 07:22 AM

I saw a Muslim man today with a back pack on at the train station.
"Today I will meet my 72 virgins!" He shouted.
"Oh shit he's gonna blow us up"
The crowd screamed.
" No, wait! I'm just going to a comic book convention!"

The beautician said a facial can make you look 10 years younger.
Now I'm down the police station charged with gross indecency.

I'm guessing since there is now a "Church of Jedi"
that it won't be long until there is a " Mosque of sith."

Credit to OPs

**SanteeFats** · December 28th, 2015, 06:36 PM

Q: Why did Monica Lewinsky have such puffy cheeks?
A: She's was withholding evidence.

: What is the first sign of AIDS?
A: A pounding sensation in the ass.

**Mal Hombre** · December 31st, 2015, 08:29 PM

**SanteeFats** · December 31st, 2015, 09:49 PM

Why don't black people like country music?
Because every time someone mentions a hoe down they think someone has shot someone's sister.

What do you do with a Jewish person with a short attention span?
Send them to concentration camp.

Q: How do you know when your wife is dead?
A: When the sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

**SanteeFats** · January 6th, 2016, 08:38 PM

At the end of a rundown pub in outback Australia sat a huge black man.
He was having a few beers, when a short, well dressed,
and obviously gay man walked in and sat beside him. After three or
four beers, the gay man got the courage to say a few words to the big
black man. Leaning over towards him, he whispered, "Do you want a blow job?"
At this, the massive black man leaped up with fire in his eyes,
and smacked the shit out of the gay man, knocking him off his stool. He
proceeded to beat him all the way out of the pub, before leaving him
bruised and battered in the parking lot, and returning to his seat.
Amazed, the barman quickly brought over another beer to the
black man, and said, "I've never seen you react like that. What did he
say to you?
"I don't know," the black man replied. "Something about a job

**Doodlebugged** · January 9th, 2016, 06:40 PM

Took my wife to the doctors today to sort out her Tourette's.

Turns out she doesn't have it, that I'm am in fact a cunt and she really does want me to fuck off!

I hate being bi-polar. It's awesome.

I'm not always a cunt. Sometimes I'm asleep.

Confusious say: "New year, new you? Same me, fuck you."

**@llatse@** · January 9th, 2016, 07:24 PM

In a small town in Spain a man walks into a bar, wild eyed and desperate he shouts
"I built this town out of the dirt.....do they call me Pedro the Architect....no

I fixed all the farmers tractors.....do they call me Pedro the Engineer.....no

I saved you all from the plague.....do they call me Pedro the healer.....no.

I SHAG ONE F*CKING GOAT......"

**@llatse@** · January 9th, 2016, 09:56 PM

(read the relevant parts in a cod Irish Accent)

In my local infants school the kids were asked to use the word "contagious" in a sentence.
Little Mary "Please Miss.....my dad says I got measles and it's highly contagious"
Teach "Very good Mary"
Little David "In the middle ages the black plague was contagious"
Teach "Very good David"
Little Seamus, from Dublin "Please Miss, my daddy saw the man next door painting his fence with a tiny brush and said "My god that'll take the Cont Ages"

**@llatse@** · January 9th, 2016, 10:09 PM

They say you never forget your first kiss......too right....I just wish the headmaster had shaved his beard off first.

You know you're relationship is doomed when you're better at blow jobs than your GF......headmaster again

**Doodlebugged** · January 10th, 2016, 01:03 AM

December 27th, 2015, 07:22 AM	#781
sweatyhat Woodwose Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: In the mud and rain Posts: 10,869 Thanks: 97,859 Thanked 187,963 Times in 10,563 Posts	I saw a Muslim man today with a back pack on at the train station. "Today I will meet my 72 virgins!" He shouted. "Oh shit he's gonna blow us up" The crowd screamed. " No, wait! I'm just going to a comic book convention!" The beautician said a facial can make you look 10 years younger. Now I'm down the police station charged with gross indecency. I'm guessing since there is now a "Church of Jedi" that it won't be long until there is a " Mosque of sith." Credit to OPs __________________

December 31st, 2015, 08:29 PM	#783
Mal Hombre El Super Moderador Join Date: May 2009 Location: Adoptive Monkey Hanger Posts: 58,198 Thanks: 773,367 Thanked 856,551 Times in 57,629 Posts	__________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. If in doubt, Just ask Yourself What Would Max Do ? It is a porn site,But its a Classy porn site. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

January 9th, 2016, 06:40 PM	#786
Doodlebugged Vintage Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: London Posts: 839 Thanks: 13,248 Thanked 14,027 Times in 790 Posts	Took my wife to the doctors today to sort out her Tourette's. Turns out she doesn't have it, that I'm am in fact a cunt and she really does want me to fuck off! I hate being bi-polar. It's awesome. I'm not always a cunt. Sometimes I'm asleep. Confusious say: "New year, new you? Same me, fuck you." __________________ Keeping the British end up. One stroke at a time. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Last edited by Doodlebugged; January 10th, 2016 at 05:49 PM..

January 9th, 2016, 07:24 PM	#787
@llatse@ Vintage Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Over the hills and far away Posts: 2,150 Thanks: 7,755 Thanked 24,866 Times in 2,098 Posts	In a small town in Spain a man walks into a bar, wild eyed and desperate he shouts "I built this town out of the dirt.....do they call me Pedro the Architect....no I fixed all the farmers tractors.....do they call me Pedro the Engineer.....no I saved you all from the plague.....do they call me Pedro the healer.....no. I SHAG ONE FCKING GOAT......" __________________ Lord, we might end up dead or worse, poor Last edited by @llatse@; January 9th, 2016 at 09:46 PM.. Reason: Spelling*

January 9th, 2016, 09:56 PM	#788
@llatse@ Vintage Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Over the hills and far away Posts: 2,150 Thanks: 7,755 Thanked 24,866 Times in 2,098 Posts	(read the relevant parts in a cod Irish Accent) In my local infants school the kids were asked to use the word "contagious" in a sentence. Little Mary "Please Miss.....my dad says I got measles and it's highly contagious" Teach "Very good Mary" Little David "In the middle ages the black plague was contagious" Teach "Very good David" Little Seamus, from Dublin "Please Miss, my daddy saw the man next door painting his fence with a tiny brush and said "My god that'll take the Cont Ages" __________________ Lord, we might end up dead or worse, poor

December 28th, 2015, 06:36 PM	#782
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,942 Thanks: 282,146 Thanked 815,669 Times in 60,990 Posts	Q: Why did Monica Lewinsky have such puffy cheeks? A: She's was withholding evidence. : What is the first sign of AIDS? A: A pounding sensation in the ass.

December 31st, 2015, 09:49 PM	#784
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,942 Thanks: 282,146 Thanked 815,669 Times in 60,990 Posts	Why don't black people like country music? Because every time someone mentions a hoe down they think someone has shot someone's sister. What do you do with a Jewish person with a short attention span? Send them to concentration camp. Q: How do you know when your wife is dead? A: When the sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

January 6th, 2016, 08:38 PM	#785
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,942 Thanks: 282,146 Thanked 815,669 Times in 60,990 Posts	At the end of a rundown pub in outback Australia sat a huge black man. He was having a few beers, when a short, well dressed, and obviously gay man walked in and sat beside him. After three or four beers, the gay man got the courage to say a few words to the big black man. Leaning over towards him, he whispered, "Do you want a blow job?" At this, the massive black man leaped up with fire in his eyes, and smacked the shit out of the gay man, knocking him off his stool. He proceeded to beat him all the way out of the pub, before leaving him bruised and battered in the parking lot, and returning to his seat. Amazed, the barman quickly brought over another beer to the black man, and said, "I've never seen you react like that. What did he say to you? "I don't know," the black man replied. "Something about a job

January 9th, 2016, 10:09 PM	#789
@llatse@ Vintage Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Over the hills and far away Posts: 2,150 Thanks: 7,755 Thanked 24,866 Times in 2,098 Posts	They say you never forget your first kiss......too right....I just wish the headmaster had shaved his beard off first. You know you're relationship is doomed when you're better at blow jobs than your GF......headmaster again __________________ Lord, we might end up dead or worse, poor

January 10th, 2016, 01:03 AM	#790
Doodlebugged Vintage Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: London Posts: 839 Thanks: 13,248 Thanked 14,027 Times in 790 Posts	__________________ Keeping the British end up. One stroke at a time. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.